The two parts of the Prisoner itself and the Widebeam were posted 9 October, 1999. This story takes place immediately after Maine Battle '99. Follow-up bids from other authors have been given proper credit. Unfortunately, some responses have been lost from my system and did not show-up in the archives.
©1999 by Scott Bernier. Contributions from other authors receive proper
credit and maintain copyright over their own material.
First HTML-ized 11 October, 1999. Last updated 6 December, 1999
Return to Moxie's stories archive.
[Two days after the battle]
"Wake-up," (softvelvetynuzzle) "time to wake-up sleepyhead." (gigglefluff) "Wakey, wakey...." The bun backed off as Eugene began to stir.
Pomerleau snaps awake quickly and flexes his arms and legs, only to find himself strapped down to a gurney.
"He's awake, commander."
A peppery-grey bun hops within his view. "Welcome back to the world of the awake, Sergeant." Eugene simply glares at him. (tsktskfluff) "Is that anyway to thank your host. You could be DEAD like the two-hundred or so rest."
"Eugene Pomerleau, sergeant, Army of Fudd, serial number 4 5 9.."
"Que 1 2 Roger 7. Yeah, yeah, we know that. Don't you get tired of repeating it?"
Eugene bites down inside his mouth. The tablet that had been there, wasn't anymore.
The grey peppered buck chuckles softly. "We removed that little pill too. It wouldn't be good for you to die on us so soon, Eugene. We've tried to clean-up your toes, but" (ickfluff) "can't seem to do so. Our mentat is performing tests on some tissue samples to see if Frith can grant you freedom from Fudd oppression." (fangygrin) "If Frith deems you unworthy, well then, we have other," (pausefluff) "plans for you."
"Like torture?" Eugene spat-out the question.
The grey peppered bun (mockshockfluff). "Torture you? Not likely. You don't have any information we need. The majority of what you know is useless now that the Maine Fudd base is no more." (fangygrin) He carefully eyed the Fudd for any reactions. "I know the survivors are regrouping in Portland which has been standard orders for the past what...three...no four years now? Their time will come, trust me."
The grey bun (gigglefluffs) briefly. "Oh, and I'd never dream of spamming you. You've drunk too much of that nasty" (ickfluff) "Moxie (tm) over the years. I wouldn't want to contaminate our food supply." The bun leaned over Eugene's face. (besidesfluff) "We've got several other prisoners we can spam."
This got the reaction Jerry was looking for. He turned and hopped out as Eugene yelled and cursed behind him.
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Jerry read the report waiting on his desk and shook his head sadly. None of the techniques Mentat Blackberry knew or had access to would convert Pomerleau. He sent a quick message to the mentat thanking him for his hard work. Jerry then hopped back to Eugene's holding cell.
Eugene glares at his captor as the bun hops in.
(droopears) "What a pity, Eugene. Frith has deemed you are not worthy devilbunny- hood." Jerry brushed a couple tears from his eyes. "It seems so unfair. Frith gave me a second chance, yet, he won't grant you the same chance." Jerry turns from Eugene and points to a nearby bun. "Submentat, drug'em and prepare him for the alternate plan."
The bun who had been ordered, (salutefluffs) and jabs a needle into Eugene's arm. He immediately blacks-out. Some time later, he awakens, finding himself propped-up against a wall of a small (by human standards) cage. There was enough space to stand, but not enough to lie down in. He had been stripped of all clothing. There was a small commode in one corner and a computer terminal in another. He gets up and tests the bars.
(gigglefluff) "Comfy?" Eugene whips around and stares at a sickeningly cute devilbunny doe on the outside of the cage. She is holding a small dinner tray in her forepaws. "Is our widdle Fudd hungry? I got din-din for you..."
Eugene ignores the taunt and kneels down by the cage door. The bun hops-up and slides the tray under the door. Eugene reaches quickly and grabs the bun through the bars. Holding her struggling form tightly against the bars he slid his fingers into the popping position. She stops struggling and looks at him with panic-filled, pleading eyes.
"Keys!" he demands.
(wimperfluff) "I don't have any. I only bring dinner around." (honestfluff)
*POP!* "Wrong answer." Eugene quickly searches over the headless body. She doesn't have any keys.
"Don't expect another meal for a while, fuddling." (STOMP!)
Eugene looks up from his kneeling position and sees that same grey-peppered bun from his earlier encounter. The one some other bun had simply called the commander.
"Look up." the bun gestures with a claw towards the ceiling of Eugene's cage. "That camera is wired to bunnet. If you hit the F6 key on the terminal, you'll see..." Eugene reaches over and depresses the key.
"Keel was one of our smarter regbuns. I think she may have been a misclassed beta." (shakesheadindisgust) "What a shame. But her death won't be in vain..."
Eugene stares at the monitor, looks up at the camera and back at the monitor.
"As you can see, the bid for you on BunEba™ just jumped-up thanks to your actions. I may decide to not give you to the highest bidding bun. I might just paw you over to the one with the most creative use for you." The bun chuckled deeply. "A few of the proposals so far have been quite, shall we say, unique. Don't waste that dinner, you won't be fed again for a while. Dinner deliverybuns like Keel are hard to come by." The bun hops out, continuing to laugh down the hallway and out of sight.
Eugene sits back and stares at the screen in glaring pastel colors done-up in a mockery of Ebay.com™. He, Sergeant Eugene Pomerleau, was the feature nine day auction under the Live Fudds/Fuddettes category. He had only been on the auction block a few hours but already there had been 45 bids on him.
Eugene shudders as he moves away from the terminal. All those years when he told countless buns to 'take a number' over all their threats against him in banter and tight/widebeams. Now it appeared they were all doing just that, taking a number.
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*****BUNIX™ WIDEBEAM*****
TO: All devilbunnies
FROM: Commander Jerry CrimsonPaw, DEWComm, Maine
VICTORY! This is a glorious time for devilbunnies everywhere! What great news to pass on in this Chinese Year of the Rabbit. >:)=
Two days ago, a combined force of Maine, New Hampshire and Florida buns did battle against the Maine Fudds and decimated their force. It was a costly victory as we lost many a good bun in the battlefield. Their bravery and willing sacrifice for bun freedom will be remembered. The Maine Fudd HQ is no more.
(alasfluff) A pawful of Fudds including the traitorbun, Blake, escaped with the help of Fouriers, (STOMP!) denying us total victory. Don't believe their claims in banter, the Fouriers and Fudds ARE working together. Photographic proof converted to mpeg format is enclosed. See the truth for yourself! (STOMP!)
<fudfourier.mpg>
We have captured approximately seventy-five Fudds. Frith has decided to redeem some and they are undergoing conversion as I broadcast this message. Many of the others will be prepared by our own Cookie Lightclaws in a victory feast. Feast sample packs will be shipped via Bunmover-overnight to all major warren commanders so that all can join us in our celebration. Those that don't become part of the feast will be spammed, of course. ALL of them....except one.
We have captured Sgt. Eugene "Moxie Man" Pomerleau. You know how long his crime list against the Fluffy Cause™ is. I could just kill him, (fileclaw) but that would deny the rest of you your chance for revenge. There are probably very few of you ouy there who haven't dreamed of getting their paws on him for one reason or other.
In order of fairness, you will find Pomerleau up on the auction block on the BUNIX™ encrypted BunEbay™ website. This is not a normal auction. This campaign was costly and it would be nice to recoup some of our costs, but you don't need to be rich to get your paws on Pomerleau...or on a part of him. Tell me exactly what you plan to do with him and I'll take that under consideration. The best combination of money and creativity will win Pomerleau.
(gigglefluff) Besides, I've provided the fudd-monkey with read-only access to the bidding site so he can see your proposals too. (fangygrin) You can watch his reactions on a live webcam feed on the bidding site.
Be sure to BUNIX™ encrypt your bids/proposals (STOMP!). We don't want the Fudds to learn he's alive, nor do we want the monkeys to see the bids on Ebay™, like in that fiasco over a Fudd kidney a few months back. >;)
Thank you for your time and please join us in our victory celebration. It is a glorious time to be fluffy.
Commander Jerry CrimsonPaw
DEWComm--Down East Warren Command
*****END TRANSMISSION AND ENCRYPTION*****
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Posted October 11, 1999 by Tammy "FluffyTeacher" Keyes
******BUNIX™ TIGHTBEAM*****
TO: Commander Jerry CrimsonPaw, DEWComm, Maine
FROM: FluffyTeacher, DenverWarren
>> VICTORY! This is a glorious time for devilbunnies everywhere! What >> great news to pass on in this Chinese Year of the Rabbit. >:)=
[happyfluffwiggle] Congratulations Commander! [shimmywigglefluff]
>> (alasfluff) A pawful of Fudds including the traitorbun, Blake, >> escaped with the help of Fouriers, (STOMP!) denying us total victory. >> Don't believe their claims in banter, the Fouriers and Fudds ARE >> working together. Photographic proof converted to mpeg format is >> enclosed. See the truth for yourself! (STOMP!)
[ANGRYSTOMP] I knew the Fudds were protecting those warcriminals! [stomp]
Commander CrimsonPaw, I would like to place a bid on Sgt. Eugene "Moxie Man" Pomerleau. I'm going directly to you, instead of the BunEbay™ website, because my plan will not work if the good Sargent knows about it. [hopfluff]
I want the oppertunity to convert "Moxie Man" into a Symp. One that would make Kevin and Mickey look disloyal! [shimmyfluffwigglespin] Just think how demorlizing it would be to the Fudds to have one of their strongest warriors spouting OUR propaganda! [gigglewigglefluff]
[seriousfluff] To show you I am serious, here is my proposal. If I succeed, I will pay you double the highest bid, if I fail, Sargent Pomerleau will be turned over to the highest bidder and I will pay half again that sum. [wigglefluff]
Please let me know what you think. [shimmywigglefluff]
FluffyTeacher
WarrenLeader, DenverWarren
*****END TRANSMISSION AND ENCRYPTION*****
@}---`---,--- @}---`---,--- @}---`---,---- \ Bringing the next generation to Cuteness \ /\ History lessons given at: ( ) [wigglefluff] http://www.devilbunnies.org _( * )_ [shimmywink] My webpage at: http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~at241
[Author's Note: I've lost CrimsonPaw's response asking FluffyTeacher to provide a 'fake' bid on BunEbay™ for 'legality' purposes. Fortunately, FluffyTeacher requotes most of it in her Second response further below.]
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Posted on October 11, 1999 by Scott "Wigglecheeks" Dawson
***** WIDEBEAM TO: All devilbunnies AT: All Warrens *****
***** BUNIX ENCRYPTION ON: Code Pink Material*****
Congratulations! This is a great day for Bunkind!
When we got the broadcast at Algonquin Main, they put it up on the big screen in Greebly Hall and everyone celebrated!
[respectful nibble]
>We have captured approximately seventy-five Fudds. Frith has decided >to redeem some and they are undergoing conversion as I broadcast this >message. Many of the others will be prepared by our own Cookie >Lightclaws in a victory feast. Feast sample packs will be shipped via >Bunmover-overnight to all major warren commanders so that all can join >us in our celebration. Those that don't become part of the feast will >be spammed, of course.
It's good to see Cookie getting the kind of widespread respect she deserves. Looks like we Cuisine Styles buns are going to be busy...
[respectful nibble]
>ALL of them....except one. >We have captured Sgt. Eugene "Moxie Man" Pomerleau. You know how long >his crime list against the Fluffy Cause™ is. I could just kill >him, (fileclaw) but that would deny the rest of you your chance for >revenge. There are probably very few of you out there who haven't >dreamed of getting their paws on him for one reason or other. > >In order of fairness, you will find Pomerleau up on the auction block >on the BUNIX (tm) encrypted BunEbay (tm) website. This is not a >normal auction. This campaign was costly and it would be nice to >recoup some of our costs, but you don't need to be rich to get your >paws on Pomerleau...or on a part of him. Tell me exactly what you >plan to do with him and I'll take that under consideration. The best >combination of money and creativity will win Pomerleau.
We're cooking up a proposal now... >;E
Wigglecheeks
Senior Assisstant to Cuisine Styles Leader Sniffy
Algonquin Main
***** END ENCRYPTION *****
***** END WIDEBEAM *****
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Posted October 12, 1999 by Joshua "Cmdr Sniffles" DiMauro (aka Jazz)
*****BUNIX WIDEBEAM*****
Wonderful
Now that our Fuddetubby™ system is nearly out of beta testing, I would be
*delighted* to offer its services for this purpose.
The proposal of BushnellWarren is, to have Sergeant Pomerleau be the next wearer
of the Bam-Bah suit.
Noo-Noo *loves* cleaning up around the SPAM machine.
And this time, since it's a special case, we'll be able to test the system fully, and see
how long for a fudd to die of exhaustion.
> (gigglefluff) Besides, I've provided the fudd-monkey with read-only > access to the bidding site so he can see your proposals too. > (fangygrin) You can watch his reactions on a live webcam feed on the > bidding site.
Oh, goody, here. Show him this.
And this.
And here, here's the ingredients of the tubby custard we use.
BushnellWarren will, of course, pay for all transportation, and we'll have our animal
handlers ready to make certain no mishaps occur.
Fluffy Regards,
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Commander Sniffles BushnellWarren/AsylumWarren/UCONNWarren ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*****END TRANSMISSION AND ENCRYPTION*****
[Author's note: I lost Jerry's response to this post, but in short: Eugene curls-up in a ball in his cell and wimpers.]
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FluffyTeacher's Second Response
Posted October 27, 1999 by Tammy "FluffyTeacher" Keyes
******BUNIX TIGHTBEAM*****
Reply to: Commander Jerry CrimsonPaw, DEWComm
>I find your proposal intriguing. I will keep it under serious >consideration. (howeverfluff) To keep things legal with BunEbay (tm) >rules, please place a public bid and proposal. It doesn't need to be >the same as your private proposal.Very well then. [considerfluff] As I think about this, consider my bid on BunEbay™ to be binding. [gigglefluff]
>(gigglefluff) Besides, if everybun sent me private bids, the fuddling >wouldn't see anything. It's hard to torture him if you don't have >anything to torment him with. I'm itching to see his reaction to >Commander Sniffle's proposal. (eagerlyrubspaws)You are a mean one aren't you? [wigglefluff]
>>Please let me know what you think. [shimmywigglefluff] >(boink!) Please, please don't do that again...[sorryfluff] Force of habit. [gigglewiggle]
FluffyTeacher
WarrenLeader, DenverWarren
*****END TRANSMISSION AND ENCRYPTION*****Return to the
[One of my semi-retired characters.]
From: greytail@denali.com (Greytail) Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies Subject: BunEbay Bid (BUNIX ENCRYPTED) Date: Tue, 02 Nov 1999 00:34:55 GMT Organization: Denaliwarren*****BUNIX™ TIGHTBEAM*****
BunEbay™ Bid proposal for the fudd-monkey, Eugene Pomerleau(alasfluff) I don't have much material wealth I can offer you. I live in a small warren in the Alaskan Wilderness and have most everything I need here: a lovely mate, two litters of kits, friends and food aplenty.
I settled up here close to two years ago while hunting a small group of Fudds. Not just any Fudds, but Fudds who survived the Lubbock Battle of '96. Soon after killing or converting four such Fudds up here at that time, my mate convinced me enough was enough and I settled down, leaving 59 survivors of that battle to go. I had killed around 100 or so of the survivors up to that time.
After glinting what info I could from the two converts, I saw how wise my mate was. There was no way I could assault the Frith-damned Fudd base in Maine on my own. I regret I didn't know of your attack plans in advance, or I would have gladly joined you in battle. The warren here, probably would have supplied a whole regiment.
Thanks to your efforts, there are now only a pawful of survivors from the Lubbock Fudd Base. One of them is Sergeant Eugene "Moxie Man" Pomerleau. I'm sure you know exactly why I'm after Pomerleau.
As I stated when I started this communication, I have little material wealth, but here is my offer:
Give Pomerleau to me. I'll gladly travel to Maine. I will use Pomerleau as bait to attract and trap the other two high-ranking survivors of the Lubbock Battle--the crazed squirrel scientist/"mentat", Aldin Busheytail, and the traitorbun, Major Steven Blake. (STOMP!)
Once trapped, I will...encourage Busheytail to paw-over his research on toe regeneration. You heard me right. The nutcruncher knows how to regenerate toes. Can you imagine the revolution this would give our food industry if we could harvest toes time and again from the same human monkeys? You and I could become two very, very wealthy buns, Commander.
I will then harvest Eugene's poisoned toes, forcing Busheytail into proving that his research does work. Once your mentat is satisfied that he can repeat the process, I'll make a throw-rug of the tree rat. (gigglewiggle)
Once Blake is captured, we'll starve him until his hunger overtakes him. I'll then feed him Pomerleau's toes and that will be the end of Blake. As for Pomerleau, he'll get to watch all this and when his two friends are dead, you may pass him on to the next bidder, or (perhapsfluff) some mentat out there, (perhapsfluff) Wynn. I bet she could use a new guinea Fudd for her research. (fangygrin) Who knows, maybe that nutcruncher can detox Pomerleau's flesh, and we could enjoy him ourselves.
Greytail, survivor of both Lubbock Battles and star of the Lubbock Spamming Video those Fudd-monkeys captured. (STOMP!)
*****END TRANSMISSION*****
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Author's Note: Please read the first four segments of The Search for Eugene before you read any further in this story.
[By FluffyTeacher]
*****BUNIX™ TIGHTBEAM*****
To: BunEbay
Subject: My Bid
From: FluffyTeacher, DenverWarren> To my esteemed fellow buns: > As many of you may have seen on BunEbay™, Sgt. Pomerleau tried to > the cowardly route out of his prison cell, but his suicide attempt has > failed. He is recovering in our medical facility and remains sedated > for his own 'safety'. Like our business partners at Kingdom Warren, I > don't believe in selling faulty merchandise. Any of you who wish to > withdraw your bids on Sgt. Pomerleau are welcome to do so with no > penalty.[relievedfluff] That is good news. I'm sorry my bid has not come through yet, I'm not sure why. [poutstomp] Is it too late to place a bid? I'm not too concerned with Sgt. Pomerleau's condition, I'm sure Daphnie can fix him up. [gigglebounce]
My bid (if I may) I would like to bid suits of Black Battalion (non-Morph) BunnyArmor for yourself and your officers in exchange for Sargent Eugene Pomerleau. I think he would make a wonderful Frithmas present for Daphnie. [gigglebounce] I'm sure the bunnyarmor would be useful in your fight against the Four. [STOMP]
> For those of you who helped drive him over the edge with your bid > proposals, excellent work. (fangygrin)[pout] I wish I could have contributed. I will be looking into what happened with that wayward post. [stomp]
*****END TIGHTBEAM*****
FluffyTeacher
What are you looking at? [fluff]
Move along, classes start in 2 minutes! [gigglefluff]
@}---`---,--- @}---`---,--- @}---`---,---- \ Bringing the next generation to Cuteness \ /\ History lessons given at: ( ) [wigglefluff] http://www.devilbunnies.org _( * )_ [shimmywink] My webpage at: http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~at241Return to the
*****BUNIX™ TIGHTBEAM*****
*****TO FLUFFYTEACHER*****>[relievedfluff] That is good news. I'm sorry my bid has >not come through yet, I'm not sure why. [poutstomp] >Is it too late to place a bid?No it is not, FluffyTeacher.
>I'm not too concerned with Sgt. Pomerleau's condition, >I'm sure Daphnie can fix him up. [gigglebounce](gigglefluff) I am sure she can at that. >:)
>My bid (if I may) I would like to bid suits of Black >Battalion (non-Morph) BunnyArmor for yourself >and your officers in exchange for Sargent Eugene >Pomerleau. I think he would make a wonderful >Frithmas present for Daphnie. [gigglebounce] I'm >sure the bunnyarmor would be useful in your >fight against the Four. [STOMP]The bunarmor would be very much appreciated. After reviewing all the bids, I am going to paw Pomerleau over to you. He remains sedated in our medical facility. How would like him shipped to you? Pre-programmed bunmover, or do you wish to send somebun to pick him up?
Jerry CrimsonPaw, Commander, DEWComm, Maine
*****END TIGHTBEAM*****
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[Posted by FluffyTeacher]
*****BUNIX™ TIGHTBEAM*****
*****TO Jerry CrimsonPaw, Commander, DEWComm, Maine*****>The bunarmor would be very much appreciated. After reviewing all the bids, >I am going to paw Pomerleau over to you. He remains sedated in our medical >facility. How would like him shipped to you? Pre-programmed bunmover, or >do you wish to send somebun to pick him up?I will pick him up personally. [fluffwiggle] I need a day or two to get DenverWarren ready, and receive the bunnyarmor from SFU.
Thank you. Good luck hunting the Four. [stomp]
FluffyTeacher
*****END TIGHTBEAM*****
FluffyTeacher
What? Are you still here? [stomp!] Where's your hall pass?@}---`---,--- @}---`---,--- @}---`---,---- \ Bringing the next generation to Cuteness \ /\ History lessons given at: ( ) [wigglefluff] http://www.devilbunnies.org _( * )_ [shimmywink] My webpage at: http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~at241You may now continue with the rest of The Search for Eugene
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