Originally posted February-April, 1996 in collaboration with General LonGears and Kkatman.
© 1996 by General LonGears, Kkatman, and Scott Bernier.
First HTML-ized by Scott Bernier 12-13 September, 1997
After some talking, [well some pleading too }:3], General LonGears agreed to allow me to collaborate with him. At the time his character had been absent from the group (except for his InFurno series) for almost a year due to RL difficulties. Kkatman was 'dragged-in' since his character, Sallie Squirrel, was Aldin's mate. The whole series was entitled The Return. Most of the segments had subtitles. Alas, at that time there were severe net problems with the archives and many of these segments were never preserved there. The first 6 were subtittled The Apprehension. The time Aldin spends at PAW had several subtitles, many are now lost, so I've left it alone as is with simply numbering of the parts at PAW (except the last segment). The last 3 dealt with a last minute idea I thought of and LonGears liked and took-off with it, since it was fitting with the time period--April Fool's Day. Enjoy.
D.Feet@PAW.mil (Major D. Feet) Org: PAW Reply-To: genlongears@delphi.com (Major D. Feet)
I looked over the medical charts the doctor had provided.
"So you're saying there's no hope?" I asked. "This is as good as he's going to get?"
The doctor nodded.
"He appears to have a congenital defect -- a weakness in his healing system," he said. "Nothing major ... in most cases it would be completely undetectable ..."
"Unless he incured an 'almost-fatal' injury," I finished, glumly. Too stubborn to die; too weak to recover.
The doctor shrugged. "There is nothing medicine can do, I'm afraid. It's a matter of genetics ..."
Genetics?
Something sparked. Perhaps it was from following that undying "Genetics" thread.
"So ... you're saying that if we could correct this genetic defect ... ?" I didn't dare finish the thought.
The doctor frowned. "That is way beyond anything we could hope to accomplish," he protested. "Modern medicine ..."
But I wasn't thinking of medicine. I was thinking of genetics. The doctor was still spouting excuses as I wheeled and went to the console.
I entered a search of known geneticists in Devilbunny Facilities and cross- referenced between the Genetics thread and advanced research.
**** Working ****
After an eternity, the answer displayed on my screen.
I shook my head. There must be a mistake.
I re-entered the search parameters and made sure I specified Advanced Devilbunny Research Facilities as a required parameter.
**** Working ****
To my great distress, the same name displayed.
"Aldin BushyTail?!?" I said in disbelief.
There must be a problem in the search logic. Snarling, I pounded the hot-link for additional detail.
BushyTail, Aldin: Mentat Training at Namakata Labs ...
THAT was the problem! BushyTail had been a member of an Advanced Devilbunny Research Facility! That was why he was still in the database!
I re-entered the search parameters, excluding the squirrel.
**** Working ****
The answer I dreaded appeared:
No available resources match the criteria. Please reformulate
search and try again.
I slumped in front of the keyboard.
Was this what our situation was reduced to? The fate of our top military
leader depended on a
The Gods were truly cruel and capricious.
I sighed heavily and clicked on the intercom.
"Bring me Aldin BushyTail," I ordered.
An afterthought ...
"Alive."
Aldin was beginning to regret not taking the southern route. It was extremely cold driving through Iowa and Illinois, despite a natural heavy fur coat and despite the good heater in Da Beast. The fur and the heater didn't help the road conditions any. Kentucky wasn't much better. Worst of all, the recent snow and ice had shut-down the Western Kentucky Parkway and Aldin was forced to drive US 60, instead.
They needed fuel bad. Aldin didn't like the look of the last few towns which showed signs of cuteness. He didn't have much choice. He'd have to stop in the next town for fuel. That town happened to be Leitchfield.
This town didn't give Aldin too many reassurances either, with all the Snapple™ and Spam™ ads. There was no choice though, for Da Beast was on 'E', meaning he had maybe a gallon left at best in the fuel tank. He wasn't going to take many chances though.
"Sallie, keep low and quiet," he requested as they pulled into a service station. The attendant ran-up to the vehicle.
Sallie gave him a prolonged look, then nodded and scooted under the seat.
"What'll it be?"
Aldin cracked the window and slipped a $20 and a $5 through the crack. "Fill-it with regular and keep the change," Aldin replied attempting his deepest voice, which was still very squeeky for a squirrel.
The attendant attempted to grab the cash, but Aldin held it in place behind the tinted window. "Fill-it first."
The attendant sighed, commenting, "damn kids" and filled the vehicle. He then took the cash and the vehicle pulled-out. The attendant noticed the license plate and ran into the station and grabbed the phone.
"Hello?"
"Greyson County Sheriff's office."
"[PiG-13] The criminals were just here. I didn't spot the license plates until they pulled-out."
"Which way did you say they were heading, sir?"
"East on 62."
"Very good, you've done your country a wonderful service. Hang tight and we'll send a deputy over to take a statement."
Captain Bourbon on the other end of the line had a hard time to suppress his excitement at the news as he lead the unsuspecting human on. That fake All-Points Bulletin was paying off. He'd send someone over alright, to silence the human.
*****BUNIX Encryption*****
To all Bunny forces in West Central Kentucky
The squirrel, Aldin Busheytail, has been spotted heading east on US 62 out of Leitchfield. All forces converge and prepare to apprehend the subject, ALIVE (STOMP!) as per orders from P.A.W. Be warry, this squirrel is unpredictable.
Captain Bourbon, Graysonwarren militia
*****End Encryption*****
Aldin and Sallie This material is copyrighted by the authors behind Aldin and Sallie, violators will be pelted to death with walnuts and the remains divided among the Fudd scientists, mentats, and the War of Four for experimentation!
The snow picked-up in intensity as Aldin and Sallie left Leitchfield behind. This made for real slow going in the evening twilight on the icy roads.
Sallie squinted and stared at the white haze beyond the windshield. "How far will we make it tonight?"
(sighflick) "I had hoped to get to Lexington and a Fudd safe-house there, but that won't be possible in this weather. It's another 30 miles to Elizabethtown, we'll see what we can find...."
Aldin trailed off as the vehicle spun-out on a patch of black ice. He attempted to compensate, but there is only so much a grey squirrel can do against the will of a one-and-half ton vehicle. Da Beast slammed off the left guard rail and catapulted towards the right rail. Aldin's eyes grey big as saucers as the car slammed through the rail and launched itself into the air.
Sallie lurched around. She crouched to pounce for the rear of the car, intending to throw open the latch. Deja vu was slamming into overdrive.
"Sallie!" Aldin reached and grabbed Sallie from the dash.
Sallie, confused, struggled. "We've got to get out!" She pulled on the harness, first trying to free Aldin from the constraints. Then, catching Aldin's stare, wrestled into the harness with him, holding him as if, should the harness break she could keep him safe by shear force of will. Da Beast slammed down the embankment, clearing underbrush.
The vehicle spun sideways and slammed broadside into a dead tree shattering the passenger side window. The windshield spider-webbed.
CCCCRRRRAAACCCKKK!!!!!!
Aldin looked up to see the tree falling towards them. He reached to the side of him for the harness release and pulled. He and Sallie fell to the floor as the roof caved in under the weight of the tree. Glass rained down upon the inside of the car and Aldin screeched-out in pain, shielding his mate..
Silence, heavy panting....
"Aldin?" (worriedflick)
(painfulpant) "Yes, Sallie?" He moved aside so she could get-up. He then collapsed.
Sallie didn't finish whatever she was going to say. Aldin had about 20 shards of glass protruding from his back, all of which were bleeding profusely. She was unscathed from the accident.
"ALDIN! FRITH! NO!"
Aldin and Sallie This material is copyrighted by the authors behind Aldin and Sallie, violators will be pelted to death with walnuts and the remains divided amoung the Fudd scientists, mentats, and the War of Four for experimentation!
"Sallie?" Aldin whispered weakly.
She picked-up his paw. "I'm here, Aldin."
(pant) "Need food...."
"But your injuries..."
(weakly) "I'll be alright, but I need food..."
Sallie complied and headed towards the back of the vehicle to retrieve some of their stores. Aldin forced himself upon his paws and flexed his back, causing about 2/3rds of the glass shards to loosen and fall out of the wounds in his back. He let out a scream of pain and collapsed again.
Sallie froze for a moment at the sound and rushed back to Aldin's side. There were tears in her eyes. "Frith! Don't you die on me!"
Aldin smiled slightly at Sallie. (weakreassuringflick) "I'll be alright. Just let me eat." She pawed him some pine nuts, which he ate rapidly.
"Now then, I'll need you to remove the rest of the glass from my back. Grab the first aid kit over there," (weakpointflick) "and grab some gauze to protect your paws. Be sure to dig in each wound to make sure there are no slivers left."
"But.."
"Don't worry about me. I'll explain as you do your job."
"All right. But don't you flick again. {demandingflick} You'll hurt yourself more."
Sallie went to work as Aldin continued. She stealed herself against the work. She'd seen wounds before. Far worse, before she was free. Living squirrels, their bodies crushed, mutilated or torn. From the bunnies' machines...
But they usually didn't survive.
And she, while skilled in basic first aid, was not a Capewarren Medic by any flick of the tail. And this was someone she... loved. She was nervous. Her mouth was dry. But her hands didn't shake. Wouldn't be allowed to.
And Aldin. He directed her steadily. Calmly. *How could he be so calm with that kind of injury?* Surely shock.
"I've told you we did genetic research at Namakata, but I didn't get into detail as to what..." Sallie pulled-out an inch long piece of glass and Aldin grunted a moment. "We were working on a project known as Operation Unlimited Toes. Our goal was to alter the DNA of a human such that their toes would regenerate over a one week period after harvesting."
Sallie paused a moment and stared at him. "That's sick."
(shrugflick) "We were a bunny base..."
{sternflick} "I told you not to do that." Sallie uncovered a small bead of reddened glass from Aldin's tail.
Aldin paused a moment, then continued "We were doing research for the buns and were treated as equals. At the time, it didn't matter to me what they did to humans."
"We believed we could do this over a four or five phase research period. The research was shut down soon after The Rabbit was removed from command. We had only delved halfway into the first phase..." Aldin faded off a moment.
(curiosuflick) "What was phase one?" Sallie asked as she pulled a sliver out of a wound.
"You're looking at it, dear." As Aldin finished this statement, The wound Sallie just cleaned closed and began to heal before her eyes. She just stared.
"You think we'd just give humans regenerative powers? Ten squirrels including myself had volunteered for the first phase, which we didn't learn to be successful until after we had shut down. Namakata had a clean accident record, so none of us were ever able to test whether we had succeeded or not, nor were we interested in inflicting wounds upon ourselves at the time to find out just in case we had failed. It's not true regeneration. That would call for the healing of any wound, including lost limbs. What" Aldin grunted as Sallie removed another sliver. "what we did was alter our DNA such that blood clotted faster, reducing the loss of blood in flesh wounds. The alteration also enabled flesh wounds to heal more rapidly. A few hours of rest and" (grimace) "I'll be alright." (pant, pant)
Sallie started to murmer something. Something in her head about clean accident records and bunny enthusiasm. Something dark.
She stopped, the statement halfway from her lips, and shook her head.
"It's not all it's cracked-up for. My metabolism speeds up to such levels that I could starve to death while my body heals itself...speaking of which, I'll need more food then this. Judging by the pool of blood here, I'll need about 6 ounces more of these pine nuts and lots of water. Besides that problem, you get to endure incredible amounts of pain," Aldin grunted as Sallie pulled another shard out. "that you were not meant to endure." (pant)
Sallie nodded. She had to admire him. He was enduring pain levels she understood. He was as brave and strong as any soldier she knew.
Sallie leaped back into storage to retrieve more food and returned. Between mouthfuls of nuts and pain surges from Sallie pawing and clawing through his wounds, Aldin continued.
"Phase two would have been to reproduce the experiment in devilbunnies. Picture how long the devilbunny resistance forces would last against nearly unkillable buns. About the only way they would have been stopped would have been to disembowl or *POP* 'em. I never understood why they mothballed the project. Phase three--repeat phase one and two in humans--would not have taken place until after the war was won by the devilbunnies. Phase four would have concentrated on true regeneration, focusing on minor limb regeneration, namely the toes. The final goal would be DNA alteration in humans such that the only wounds to heal rapidly would be severed toes."
Sallie finished-up as Aldin finished his tale. Aldin finished-off the second batch of pine nuts.
"This alter in your DNA, can it be passed on to your children?"
"I don't think so, Sallie, but I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find-out," (weakleerflick) "but right now..." (yawnflick) "right now I need to rest." He drifted off to sleep.
Sallie smiled. And didn't even chide him for flicking his tail. She watched over him as he slept, contemplating all that he had said. She licked clean her claws. Blood was a taste you grew accostumed to, even partial to sometimes, when you worked with the Cheshire. And this blood was special. It came from the one she loved. And while she regretted its shedding, it was sweeter on her tongue and in her heart than the most precious of nuts.
After a little while, she moved into the back and retrieved fabric that would do as a blanket. The temperature had dropped even more, and tiny snow flurries where building up inside Da Beast, or what was left of it, through the crushed windows. She ignored the heater... they should save the batteries for using the horn later. But the cigarette lighter, properly secured, made a temporary heat source. She began preparing for the long, cold night as Aldin snored nearby.
Finally, satisfied, she climbed under the cover of the blanket with Aldin. Best to share body warmth as well. But she really wasn't sleepy. The events had set her body far too tense. Alert.
She tried, anyway, to sleep.
An hour later, the vehicle's onboard Cuteness Geometer™ started beeping. Sallie examined it. There was a near perfect circle of blips on the scope. They were being surrounded. For the first time in many weeks, she actually, honestly wished that golden-furred messiah was here.
She nudged Aldin. He looked up at her groggy-eyed. (hurryflick) "Devilbunnies coming!"
Aldin and Sallie This material is copyrighted by the authors behind Aldin and Sallie, violators will be pelted to death with walnuts and the remains divided amoung the Fudd scientists, mentats, and the War of Four for experimentation!
An adrenaline rush woke Aldin up fully. He examined the Cuteness Geometer™, chittered and leaped to the keyboard.
"Sallie grab the packs and fill them with food, we may not be able to circle back to Da Beast.
Sallie wished for a laser and started throwing food into the two packs. "If we stay in here, it's more defensible. They can surround us..." She glanced at the crushed roof. "But they have limited access and we can prepare defenses. If we leave, we could bypass them in the storm, possibly without a fight. We could also easily loose each other. And if we sink into the snow..." She left the rest unsaid.
She was a quick worker. In a moment, she was flipping the tops closed over the pouches and tightening the drawstrings. She threw hers on and scampered to Aldin with his, snatching up Da Beast's cigarette lighter in the process.
Aldin typed a few commands into the laptop and sent the message on its way.
*****BunnyStumper Deluxe™ Encryption*****
*****WIDEBEAM TO ALL FUDDS*****
This is an automated message from Aldin Busheytail. Sallie and I have been ambushed by devilbunnies in Western Kentucky. Our vehicle has been damaged and is undrivable. We are abandoning the vehicle and will attempt to make a run for it. Request immediate pick-up. Coordinates are enclosed. Vehicle security measures have been activated. A second automated message will be transmitted if we fail to elude capture.
The Spirit be with you.
Mentat Aldin Busheytail, Namakata Labs (formerly with Lubbock Fudd
Intelligence)
*****End Carrier and Encryption*****
After the message was sent, Aldin typed a few more commands and locked down the keyboard. He finished just as Sallie returned with the mini-backpacks. He slung one on his shoulder.
{concernedflick} "Can you make it, Aldin?"
"I could have used another hour or two, but I'll manage."
Sallie looked over him, marveling a moment, then nodded. (And blushed slightly as he caught the way she was looking.)
"We should try for the trees first. The height and density of branches will be our friends. If they should still be able to follow, or we run out of trees, jump into the snow. We can burrow our way to safety." Aldin spied her an awkward look. She smiled, "Don't worry, I've learned how to burrow. And I got use of a light and heat source." She hefted the cigarette lighter. "For a little while at least." She carefully took the lighter in her teeth, burning end facing forward. A makeshift weapon as well.
The two of them crawled out of one of the broken windows and took to the nearby trees. Aldin depressed a button on his car remote control band. They could see the lights of a truck approaching from down the road, so they moved deeper into the woods.
"Time to put that Hide and Seek training to use, Sallie."
The two of them ran from tree branch to tree branch trying to place as much distance between themselves and the car as possible.
(salutefluff) "That's the vehicle, sir. But there's no sign of them. There is a pool of blood on the floor up front though."
(exasperatedfluff) "Then look for a blood trail, idiot!" Captain Bourbon yelled back at the private.
The private bounded back down to the vehicle to do just that.
Bourbon grabbed a comm unit. "All buns, they've taken to the trees south of 62. See to it that they don't cross the Interstate." (STOMP!)
(appologeticflick) "It's my fault we're cornered. I was too disoriented as we left the vehicle to remember that the interstate was south of us," Aldin whispered to Sallie as the two of them lay still against a tree trunk in the falling snow in the late of night. They could see bunny forms below and ahead of them towards the interstate that blocked their chances of concealment and escape."
"You need not worry about escape any more squirrel!" Came a voice from behind them. Aldin whipped around to see a bun in tree climbing gear staring him in the face.
"RUN!" Aldin yelled at Sallie as he threw himself at the bun. He knocked the bun off-balance and he tumbled to the ground far below.
*Like hell!* Sallie thought fiercy, pulling the covering off the lighter. Sallie leaped to the next tree only to get snagged by a similarly outfitted bun. There was a sizzling smell.
The bun was soldier enough not to scream as the obscene tool scarred into his flesh. But the metal burner was unwieldy and made Sallie's balance awkward. He swiped at her, knocking the item from her mouth, unblanacing her severly. She fell, almost fifteen feet into the soft snow below, and sank out of sight. The lighter melted a little hole nearby, burning out.
Buns converged quickly on the cookie-cutter hole Sallie had left.
"Where'd she..?" The bun never finished the statement and the snow behind him showered upward and the claws took him. The snow ran red. The other buns lept for their attacker.
Sallie could burrow, but she knew she'd never out-burrow a rabbit. So she fought. Aldin, on the branches above couldn't help but stare for just that moment.
Never had he seen a squirrel fight like that before. She went not for throats or guts but eyes and limbs and genitalia. Dodging from one opponent to another, never giving one the benefit of a dual. Taking them all at once and attacking to cripple and disable. It was as flithy as it was valiant.
And in that instant, it was over. No squirrel, no matter how well trained, could easily hope to take a group of well-trained military buns easily. And in Sallie's recuperating condition, there was never really a chance.
"Surrender, Busheytail, or we'll have to get rough with the lady, here" cried-out the bun with the nasty-looking burn circle, now dragging the struggling Sallie. The other buns were re-grouping. The first dead, one blinded and two other wounded. The rest unscathed. And the offending squirrel was matching blood for blood on the glittering cloudscape of snow.
"SSSSCCCCCRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!" Aldin cried-out as he leaped at the bun. Only to be snagged out of the air by another bun who had been partially concealed by the tree trunk. Despite his struggles, the bun held him solidly from the back with one paw.
"Captain, this is Cprl Roothugger, we got them. Reporting back to base," the bun with the burn circle radioed as they got to the base of the tree with their prisoners. "Alright you two, let's get moving."
Aldin and Sallie were dragged back to a waiting Snapple™ truck near where they had crashed off US 62. There were 2 dozen or so buns there in bunny armor and/or climbing gear. A slightly grizzled buck stepped forward to examine his new prisoners. He pawed Sallie's muzzle and made her look at him. She {chatterspitted} into his left eye. He wiped the spittle, contemplated striking her, and changed his mind.
(deviousfluff) "I like a lady with spunk. I have just the job for you."
Aldin struggled against the bun restraining him. "Touch her and you'll not live to see sunrise!"
Bourbon turned to the grey squirrel. "You're in no position to be making threats. The only reason you are alive, Busheytail, is that the higher-ups want to see you."
Bourbon lifted Aldin's chin with a claw. "I don't suppose you'd be so kind as to give me the access code to the laptop in the car down there?" Aldin was silent. "I didn't think so." He turned to the buck holding Sallie. "Guess I'll be putting your services to use a little early." (leerfluff) "Pin her down."
"NO!" Sallie refuesed to accept the situation. She fought, but her left hindleg, bleeding from where bunny claws furrowed, collapsed traitorously under her.
Aldin struggled anew. "You win," (chatterspit) "fluffer! It's the blue button on my wrist remote."
(sternfluff) "You had best be telling the truth, squirrel." He reached over and ripped the bracelet off.
"Of course, if you rip the thing-off you'll trigger the Shiite™ Anti-Tamp....."Da Beast exploded sending vehicle parts and a the remains of the buns who were unfortunate enough to be next to it into the air.
Aldin and Sallie This material is copyrighted by the authors behind Aldin and Sallie, violators will be pelted to death with walnuts and the remains divided among the Fudd scientists, mentats, and the War of Four for experimentation!
> Aldin struggled anew. "You win," (chatterspit) "fluffer! It's the blue >button on my wrist remote." > > (sternfluff) "You had best be telling the truth, squirrel." He reached over >and ripped the bracelet off. > > "Of course, if you rip the thing-off you'll trigger the Shiite (tm) >Anti-Tamp....."
*****BUNNYSTUMPER DELUXE™*****
*****WIDEBEAM SQUIRT*****
If you are reading this message, Aldin Busheytail has been captured or killed by enemy forces. All Fudd passcodes known by Aldin should be immediately changed. Vehicle anti-bun measures activated.
*****End Carrier*****
> 'Da Beast' exploded sending vehicle parts and a the remains of the buns >who were unfortunate enough to be next to it into the air.
Aldin used the distraction to get loose from his captor. The bun tried to regrab him. Aldin stepped away, turned around and got his paws around the buns throat and squeezed upward as hard as he could.
*POP*! the head flew to join the flaming debris below. He turned to aid Sallie, but she had taken care of her captor. Utter chaos rained as snow, debris and bunny parts fell around them.
"FRITHDAMNED FUDD SQUIRREL!" Bourbon yelled behind them as he launched himself at Aldin. Aldin reacted automatically, falling backwards as the bun descended upon him and using his hindpaws, used the buck's own momentum against it and sent Bourbon sailing towards a tree trunk.
"MOVE!" Aldin yelled as he turned northward. Sallie needed no coaxing.
The following morning they were still moving from tree branch to tree branch. They were both exhausted. Sallie's leg was bandaged with red-tinged leaves and the drawstring from her now-abandoned pack. They had been forced to stop several times. Nearly as many times, Aldin had to refuse to leave her behind, ignoring her complaints about liability. As the sun slashed across a crystaline landscape of frostcovered trees and snow-frozen ground, Aldin estimated they had only covered 5 miles. Looking back they could see smoke in the distance. They weren't far enough away yet to sleep.
Sallie looked ragged. She collapsed on a branch. "Break?" {pantpleadflick}
(agreedflick) Aldin sat back heavily on a branch. He was hungry, but unfortunately the packs had proven an impossible extra burden. They sat there in silence for five minutes, the only noise their panting, marked by the little puffs of white mist from their breath. Sallie stooped over to check and readjust the bandage. With all the running, there had been no chance for it to attempt to heal. It was bleeding afresh. She hoped her makeshift first aid was enough to prevent a bloodtrail.
The silence was disrupted by an eerie whining. Aldin perked his ears up and looked around and sniffed the air. There was wood smoke in the air and the smoke to the south was getting thicker.
"[PiG-13]! The buns are trying to burn us out! Move!" They ran again through the tree tops, first to the north and then turning more to the east. A tree ahead of them fell. The whining got louder.
(chitterspit) "Damn fluffers! I bet they call this an environmentally friendly way to capture us. Burning us out in one direction, and literally cutting-off our escape in another."
They changed direction again, only to have the tree in front of them fall. They turned around only to see the one behind them also fall. All others within easy leaping distance followed suit before Aldin and Sallie could react.
A voice they didn't want to remember called up to them. "Surrender or we shall see how high a squirrel can bounce!"
"Well?" Aldin chittered softly. "It's nearly 50 feet to the next available tree. Want to risk it?"
"I will never surrender..." Sallie looked at her leg. "but I can't leap that far."
"Then get on my back."
"You can't leap that kind of distance! Especially with my added weight to your back!"
"Of course we can make it! I carried you all summer. Come on!"
She wanted to suggest the burrowing alternative, through the snow. But she knew better. They couldn't realistically hope to out-burrow rabbits. And even if they could, without a light...
{sighflick} Sallie grabbed on. Aldin climbed higher into the tree and made a running leap. They arced downward toward the distant tree branch.
"They're going for it, sir!"
(gigglefluff) "Not for long. They're about to learn what we do to mischievous squirrels!" replied the head bandaged Captain Bourbon.
The trip through the air was fast and exhilaratingly frightening. The branch seemed to approach them from below rapidly. Aldin grabbed onto the very edge of the branch and it sagged downward dangerously. They dangled there momentarily Sallie dangling from Aldin's shoulders.
(grunt) "Damn squirrels weigh a ton!" Aldin and Sallie looked-up to see three buns holding the sawed-off branch Aldin had grabbed. The buns let go their hold.
"SSSCCCRRREEE!!!!" Aldin and Sallie screamed as they fell. They were suddenly stopped by and entangled in a net about 20 feet off the ground that quickly wrapped around them.
Captain Bourbon hopped-up to his prey. "Hehe, haha. They fall for it every time. I'd slowly skin you for what you did to me and my troops," (STOMP!) "but I've got my orders."
He turned to his buns. "Good work! Haul them away. I don't know why P.A.W. wants them, but they do. There'll be some promotions for this one, my bucks!"
Aldin and Sallie were unceremoniously dropped to the ground still entangled in the netting and dragged-off to an awaiting Snapple™ truck. Within 10 minutes that truck set a course northward for Primary Assault Warren, OH.
That evening on the Louisville News:
Investigators are still trying to figure-out why a Leitchfield teen committed suicide in his vehicle late last night. The teen apperantly drove his late model Chevy Impala off US 62 two miles east of Leitchfield and it exploded. The bad weather was all but ruled-out of the accident since a suicide note was found at the victim's place of employment. His name remains unreleased until next of kin can be notified....
Aldin and Sallie This material is copyrighted by the authors behind Aldin and Sallie, violators will be pelted to death with walnuts and the remains divided among the Fudd scientists, mentats, and the War of Four for experimentation!
[By Major Downy Feet]
A knock at the door signalled the arrival of my "guests."
"Enter!" I barked.
Half a dozen troopers pushed two bedraggled squirrels ahead of them.
Frowning, I turned to the escort.
"I thought I said I wanted him uninjured." It was a statement, not a question.
The trooper glared at the duo.
"They were in a car accident," he explained, nervously. "But Da Beast has learned to roll over!"
"And several of your buns learned how to play dead," Aldin quipped only to be whacked by one of his captors.
I had to grin at that. But my grin faded as my gaze fell upon the other squirrel.
"Who's the chipmunk?" I asked, irritated at the complication.
The trooper saluted sharply.
"Sadie Squirrel!" he answered.
"That's Sallie" hissed the chipmunk. "Try to get it right, Kyrl-Lth."
"Sallie, Sadie ... it doesn't matter. We don't need you."
The chipmunk grumbled something under her breath.
I turned to the other squirrel. Aldin. He was wearing a resistent, defensive scowl.
"Mr Busheytail," I grinned. "You and I have a great deal to talk about."
I looked at the other squirrel.
"Take her out to the Interstate," I told them. "Make it look like an accident."
"NO!" (chittergrowl)
Busheytail strained against the two troopers restraining.
Just like I knew he would.
I smiled.
"No?" I asked. "Perhaps we can do ... each other ... a service."
Busheytail stiffened. Smart squirrel. He could read the situation. Good, that would make what came next ... easier.
"What did you have in mind?" he spat. Spunky little critter, I had to give him that.
"We need you to perform a medical service ... a patient has a congenital defect that is preventing him from fully recovering from a grievous injury."
The squirrel looked intrigued, in spite of himself. Just as the psych profile suggested he might.
"And Sallie's and my lives are what we get for performing this service," he said. He looked hard at me. Piercing eyes, for a squirrel and added with distaste, "Major."
The chipmunk beside him glowered. Harshly, she whispered to the squirrel, "Don't. Even. Think. About. It."
"Who's the patient?" he asked.
I cursed silently, but tried to show no reaction. Damned squirrel. He was brighter than I'd have credited.
"That is of no concern," I informed him. "The medical records are in this file." I handed him the thick folder.
"This smells foul, Aldin. Even you can smell it." she whispered.
Aldin shushed her and continued reading. He was too intent -- I didn't like this.
With a sudden flick of his tail, he slammed the folder down on the table.
"It's LonGears!" he declared. "You want me to bring back the General and I won't do it!"
I scowled. Thrice-damned vermin! How could he have ...???
"Nonsense," I scoffed. "Everyone knows the General was felled during the retaking of NoCo ..."
Busheytail chittered in irritation.
"Don't insult my intelligence!" he demanded. "It's all there: the secrecy as to the identity, the physiological profile, the body weight, that massive liver ... why, there is even a mention of a bite mark out of one ear!"
Maybe I could still bluff this out.
"I don't see what ..." I argued.
"It was documented several years ago that Jrrrr-Lwsss took a chunk out of Fat Boy's ear before she was knocked unconscious during the Easter Parade," Busheytail smirked.
Damn, damn, damn! The fluffing squirrel knew some history as well as science.
"All right," I sighed, "it is LonGears."
"Then he can prepare for Hell," the other squirrel spat. "Don't do
it, Aldin! You can't bring
Busheytail looked like he might agree. Until their eyes met. I had figured he'd gladly sacrifice his own life. But how high would he gamble before the price was too high?
"I ... I can't help bring back an Evil like the General!" he said. "Not for any reason! I've lived a long life and am prepared to die. It is a more fitting death knowing that the General will perish also."
He sounded like he was arguing with himself, more than anyone else in the room.
He chittered something I didn't quite catch.
(In squirrel) "Forgive me, Sallie."
It was time to raise the stakes.
"Even if it means your death?" I asked.
Busheytail pulled himself up. Or as up as a small squirrel can pull itself.
"Y..."
"And your lady-friend?" I interjected quickly.
The chipmunk, "Sallie" spoke up. "Don't you dare give in!"
Busheytail faltered. Strike while the iron was hot.
"And maybe the deaths of some others?" I pondered aloud.
"Others?" asked the squirrel, dazed.
"Oh, I daresay there are some other squirrels about who are overdue for being... punished ... for transgressions against the Fluffy Empire ..."
Busheytail paled gratifyingly.
"Teral's group!" he whispered. "You'd slaughter an entire town of squirrels just to coerce me into helping that ... tyrant?"
I pulled close to the ashen squirrel.
"And LonGears would kill them all and more of us givien the chance, the life to do so! Don't be an idiot!" Sallie interrupted again. She was becoming bothersome, at that. I had one of the guards silence her with a quick blow to the side. She crumpled in a nice, quiet way.
"Just to warm up," I agreed. "Will you be the cause of a bloodbath that would make the Easter Parade pale in comparison?"
"I ... I ..." Busheytail looked helplessly towards his travelling companion, but all she could do was blink in compassion. "There are hundreds there!" he murmured.
"It would, indeed, be a tragedy," I solaced. "An avoidable tragedy," I added.
"Have you no compassion?!?" he clipped savagely.
"Compassion?" I said, feigning surprise. "And what of your fabled compassion? Would you condemn another creature to a lifetime of pain and confinement, suffering as not even a Fudd should have to do, merely because you claim a more noble spirit?"
I paused, watching him digest this.
Somehow, and it seemed to take all her will and all the air of the room to do so, the chipmunk interrupted yet again. "I'd rather die than you save that bastard. Keeper or not, he deserves what he's getting."
Keeper? Well, didn't matter."So be it. Guards! Take the female to the Interstate and introduce her to the concept of Street Pizza. Then set up a few battalions and prepare for a little trip to Toledo."
I looked at Busheytail. He was shaking badly.
"And release Mr Busheytail."
"I want him to spend the rest of his life thinking about the those he put to death this day."
"WAIT!" shouted the squirrel.
Major Downy Feet held-up a paw signalling those holding Sallie to wait. He awaited Aldin's response.
"I was taught by Rabbit Mentat never to stoop to the enemy's level or I would become the enemy. Because of that, I can not let the General suffer or I am no better than any of you devilbunnies. I will help heal the General to the best of my abilities."
*Excellent!* Aldin could *hear* the Major's thoughts, though the Devilbunny just looked at him. *Probably just like their profile said I'd react,* he thought bitterly. D. Feet kept a neutral face. He snapped out of it and darkened slightly when Aldin continued.
"BUT.." The squirrel approached D. Feet until Aldin was staring intently into his face. D. Feet motioned-off the guards. "If Sallie is harmed in any way, your precious General is dead. All it would take is one accidental twist of a valve here, an air bubble there and it would be all over before any of your medics could notice, no matter how closely I am watched." He paused to let this sink in.
Aldin could see the anger began to well-up inside of D. Feet. He was probably boiling at the idea of a squirrel daring to even think of dictating terms! This anger began to show through as his whole body tensed. Aldin continued.
"And, if Teral or any squirrels in his group should come to harm in anyway, LonGears shall spend the rest of his life swishing his new longer tail, climbing trees and enjoying walnuts." Aldin paused a second time. "Consider carefully the consequences of breaking your word, Major, before you give it."
Somehow he knew. The Frith-damned squirrel was smarter than he looked. He knew! But how?
"I won't be threatened by a squirrel," I stated, flatly.
"Then have BunnyMentat cure your General," the squirrel retorted. "It shouldn't be all that hard for him. If BM can build morpharmor, he can modify a few nanites into nanodoctors who can then be injected into the General to correct the congentital defect and speed-up the healing process. If BM's too busy for his old friend, have him send the Evi... er ... Enthusiastic Daphnie over to heal her 'Unca' LonGears. But it's not that simple is it?"
The squirrel [flick]ed to puncuate his question.
"There is some reason, that prevents that, isn't there?" Busheytail raised his tail into a questionmark momentarily before flicking it downward (curiousflick).
I frowned. The squirrel was a good poker player. But not an excellent one, for he revealed his cards too soon.
"Likewise," Aldin continued, "there aren't other mentats with the expertise who can step in. Or perhaps Lenny is the norm and not the exception to the state of today's mentat program. And that's exactly why you had to order my capture, and coerce me into aiding the General, because there is nobunny else who can..."
"ENOUGH!" I shouted, emphasising the order with a
I had him, but he also had me, and he knew it. If the squirrel wanted his ego boosted, fine! All the more amusing when that bubble bursts.
"The General's Living Will states that no nanites may be used to heal him in anyway," I admitted. "Likewise, no quack-cures can be applied. But there was nothing that said that a cognitive defect couldn't be corrected so that his body could heal naturally. You, Busheytail, are the only surviving geneticist on file."
The squirrel smiled a moment and swished his tail in reply.
"Good," I replied and then turned to the buns holding the chipmunk. "Take her away!"
Two other guards grabbed and restrained Aldin as he attempted to leap at the guards dragging the chipmunk away.
(chatterspit) "I had hoped we'd have a deal, fluffer."
I allowed myself a small smile.
"Oh, we do!" I
The squirrel yelled a few obscenities at me as he was dragged-off. The last, yelled at me in fluent rabbit, caught me by surprise.
He definitely had spunk.
*Where am I???* Aldin leaped up with a start and looked around himself. He was in a small room with solid steel plates covering the floor, ceiling and three of the walls. Steel bars covered the forth wall. He was on a bunk. There was a wash basin, soap, and a towel next to his bunk. He ached all over.
"It's about time you woke-up, tree-rat. The Major wants you clean before you begin your work," ordered a bunny guard outside what Aldin now determined was a cell.
He noted that his fur was matted with dried blood and began to wash himself. As he did so, everything from the past few days came back to him. He paused a moment in anguish. He couldn't go through with it, but he had to. If he didn't attempt his best, hundreds of deaths would result. As Aldin finished cleaning the blood off, he heard the cell door open behind him.
That same bun who he had encountered the day before, the Major, was standing there with another bun in a white lab coat. The lab bun was holding a second smaller coat and a folder. The Major smiled deviously.
"Morning, Busheytail, this is Dr. Kevorkibun. He will fill you in on the patient's condition and what has been attempted so far...."
"Don't insult me again, Major," Aldin cut him off. "He's my guard. He's in charge of making sure I don't try anything that could be detrimental to the patient."
Major Downy Feet held his temper back, but barely and continued. "He will be your aid in getting you what you need in order to cure the patient."
Aldin flicked his tail slowly (reallyflick) as he turned to the other bun. "Well you can start by giving me access to my old journal entries. It's been 12 years after all, and I wouldn't want to make any," Aldin paused and added sarcasticly, "mistakes."
(impossiblefluff) "They're Omega.." the bun shut his mouth quickly.
"I know," Aldin replied, "that LonGears had sealed the files. Just one of the many things I had picked-up in banter sessions with some of your more loose tongued bunnies. You want me to do the best I can, I need access to my journals."
The bun looked to D. Feet as Aldin put the lab coat on. D. Feet nodded to Kevorkibun. "You will have your journals by the end of the day."
"Good. Now if you will excuse me, MAJOR, I have work to do." Aldin scampered down the hall behind the doctor towards P.A.W.'s infirmary.
(disbeliefflick) "That's normal for him??? But it's 2, almost 3 times the size of the average devilbunny's!"
"Now you know how he's been able to handle General Strength bunhattens," Dr. Kevorkibun replied.
Aldin was perplexed. Namakata had never had to deal with a case like what was presented before him. For all intentions and purposes, Longears should be dead. What kept him alive? Perhaps stubbornness? At the same time, he was stable, but his body just wouldn't heal. It was unheard of for somebun with this kind of cognitive defect to live so long, even with the help of machinery.
Aldin knew deep down that even though this WAS the General, that nobun or one deserved to spend the rest of their lives hooked to machinery like that. He vowed then and there to himself that if there was nothing he could do, he'd end the General's life, despite how many others would die as a result.
The General had stirred once, while Aldin examined him. He looked the squirrel in the face, mumbled "Bad dream" and fell back unconscious. All the while Aldin was watched closely by several pairs of eyes. He made notes on the readings of several monitors hooked to the various machinery around LonGears. Aldin noted that there was also a bunhatten sitting on the stand next to LonGears' bed and several empty glasses next to that.
"Just how much has he been drinking in bed?" (curiousflick)
"Too much in my opinion," Kevorkibun replied. "Yet, it doesn't seem to affect him any."
Aldin (pounderflick)ed a moment. *Could it be???*
"I want DNA samples from the injured tissues....and from his liver."
A few techs hesitated until Dr. Kevorkibun (affirmfluffed) and they scrambled to do as they had been told.
[By major Downy Feet]
I stared at the unforgiving display.
PLEASE ENTER DATABASE AND PASSWORD.
Sighing heavily, I keyed in "Namakata" for the hundredth time.
PASSWORD?
Damn, damn, damn! I had gotten pass all the safeguards thus far, but could not seem to by-pass this last, simple password request.
Let's see ... what would the General use as a password for these databases? I'd tried everything I knew. Perhaps his wife's name?
PRECIOUSPAWS, I keyed quickly and hopefully.
PASSWORD NOT CORRECT, PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING AND RE-TYPE. THREE INCORRECT ENTRIES ROUTES THIS ATTEMPT TO PAW SECURITY.
Just like every other attempt I'd made. I lost my temper. Damned, stupid, obstinate ... ! I took my fury out on the keyboard.
FLUFFINGSTUPIDSQUIRRELSSCREWUPEVERYTHINGIWIS HTHEYWEREDEAD, I pounded out. I didn't care anymore, I had been at this for hours and was just realizing there was no way I'd stumble upon whatever password the General had used for these files. The odds of my stumbling across it by chance were....
PASSWORD ACCEPTED ACCESSING NAMAKATA DATABASE
I stared stupidly at the message and felt my fur stand on end.
How did ... ?
Several minutes passed before I gathered my wits enough to download the files. I had no idea what conjunction of stars had allowed the files to become accessible, but I wanted to get them before the capricious universe took back this gift.
I had the files the squirrel had requested.
Now he would bring back our leader.
> "I want DNA samples from the injured tissues....and from his liver." > > A few techs hesitated until Dr. Kevorkibun (affirmfluffed) and they >scrambled to do as they had been told.
Several hours past. Kevorkibun was hovering over Aldin's shoulder as the squirrel flicked his tail while comparing the DNA samples. Kevorkibun was a medical doctor and did not completely comprehend what Aldin was looking at. It was all pictures of what looked like twigs to him. These twigs all matched-up from sample to sample, except the one marked 9B. The squirrel finally spoke.
"It's obvious the problem lies here in this chromosome," Aldin stated flatly as he pointed to the twig marked 9B. "So that is where I'll have to narrow the search come morning."
(confusedfluff) "But, it's only mid-afternoon..."
(waveoffflick) "And it's going to take me the rest of the afternoon, all evening and all night to skim through my journal entries, given I do get access to them."
As if on cue, a deliverybun hopped in carrying a small bundle and looked about. He bounded-up nervously to where Aldin and Kevorkibun were standing.
"Mmmiissster Aaalllddiinn Mmmennttatt?" (nervousfluff) "Iiii hhhaavvvee sssoommee dddiisssskkss ffoorrr yyooouu." The bun offered the package to Aldin. "Sssiiggnnn hheeeerrree" (pleasefluff)
Aldin did so and the bun (relieffluff)ed and left.
"Well, unless you want to stay-up all night, fluffer, I suggest you find some other hawk to watch me." (dismissiveflick) Aldin turned from Kevorkibun to the viewer and plugged the first diskette in and began to skim through his journal entries.
Kevorkibun watched the squirrel for a while before assigning one of his assistants for the night. That assistant dozed-off about 3am the following morning. Aldin never noticed as he was too enthralled in studying his old journals and trying to figure-out if FlopEar's or LonGears' buns had been behind the deciphering of his old codes originally placed upon the files.
About 8am, Major Downy Feet made an appearance followed closely behind by Kevorkibun. Major D. Feet came down hard upon the napping guard and literally booted the incompetent bun out of the lab before turning his attention upon the squirrel who was just now turning away from and shutting the terminal down.
"Well?" (demandfluff)
"Well, what, Major? If you want your General cured overnight, your going to have to get him to wave his Living Will. Otherwise, you'll have to learn patience or find someone/bun else to do this."
Major D. Feet fluffed angrily, but Aldin continued before the bun could retort.
"You were able to obtain my journals for me, while doing so, you most likely saw Namakata's accident record, or lack there of, I should say. The entire time that Namakata was under the command of Rabbit Mentat, the only fatalities or serious injuries were all intentionally inflicted upon human subjects. Not one bun or squirrel mishap ever occurred. That perfect record was the result of careful, slow, and meticulous research. Now if you want me to risk making a mistake, I could speed through the research, but the results most likely would be deadly for the patient, for speed sacrifices precision."
Aldin turned from the two buns as he spoke further. "Kevorkibun has probably already reported to you that I have narrowed-down to one chromosome. The challenge now is to find the defective gene or genes within that chromosome and then come-up with a way to correct said defect or defects without going against Gearsie's will." Aldin walked over to the lab's advanced electron microscope. "Now, unless you are here to tell me that my services are no longer needed and that my mate and I are free to go, I suggest you stay out of my way."
Major D. Feet with anger brewing within him, turned without uttering a word and (STOMP)ped out of the lab.
Several more days passed as Aldin first narrowed-down to the defective genes (all three of them) and then pondered a cure. Nanites were out not just because of LonGears's Living Will, but Aldin had never studied nanites. Matter of fact, that will prevented Aldin from doing much more than pulling the plug on the General and being done with it. About the only thing he could use was a retrovirus technique, but that was so primitive and it was too risky all by itself. But what if...
Aldin turned to the tech looking over his shoulder. "I have a solution. Get the Major."
An hour later, Major Downy Feet had a headache. In the past hour, the squirrel had educated him on more about genetics than he really wanted to know about. He hated to admit it, but the proposal made sense to his limited knowledge in genetics and it did squeak by the intention (maybe not the letter) of the General's Living Will.
"How soon can you do it?"
(ponderflick) Aldin paused for a moment. "If P.A.W. has the necessary supplies on paw, I can do it tomorrow and into the day after. The procedure will be two-fold and I won't have to operate on the patient until the later half. However..."
D. Feet glared at the squirrel. "However, what?" (STOMP!)
"Old Gearsie will still take months to heal naturally due to the extent of his wounds AND he will need months and months of therapy after that to get back to his normal self."
"WHAT!" (STOMP!) D. Feet turned to Dr. Kevorkibun.
(nervousfluff) "I'm afraid I have to agree with Aldin Mentat, sir. His wounds are just so severe as you have seen. And he has been bedridden for about 10 months and hasn't used many of his muscles over that time. His muscle tissues have broken down due to lack of use."
D. Feet leaned back and sighed deeply. He now didn't know which he wanted more, to just kill the Frith-damned arrogant squirrel in front of him now or wait until he attempted his treatment and then kill him. How he hated squirrels. Why couldn't there have been another geneticist in the computer banks? D. Feet was pulled back into reality from his private thoughts as the squirrel interjected flicking his tail.
"There is one alternative." (sighflick) Aldin didn't want to propose this, but he had promised to do the best he could. "I could speed-up LonGears metabolism temporarily."
(STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!) "How thick is your head, tree-rat! The General's Will strictly states no quack-cures!" (STOMP!) Downy's face was flushing red right through his fur.
Aldin was now up on his rear paws with his tail flicking about rapidly. "Who said anything about a quack-cure. The beginnings of the research are documented in your own data banks. Of course, I didn't continue the research until after joining the Fudd cause."
(STOMP!) "Like I said, no quack-cures!" D. Feet retorted."
"What I did wasn't a half-quack scheme. Check your own files..."
*I can't believe I'm arguing with a tree-rat,* D. Feet thought to himself. "Fantasy. There is no such procedure. What about your work with the Fudds?"
Aldin flicked his tail more slowly. "That's in your computer system too, if your intelligence network is at least half as good as the Fudds think it is. Look-up information on a BrownPaw/Steve Blake."
Steve Blake? That sounded familiar. Wasn't that the traitorbun up in Maine? D. Feet thought to himself. He replied before Aldin could notice his momentary hesitance. "It doesn't matter, it's against the General's wishes."
Aldin sat back down and flicked his tail one final time. "Fine, I'll go through with what I originally proposed and replace the defective genes. Once the process is over one of us will explain the situation to the General and let him decide for himself. That should give you time to look-up my claims. Perhaps he will wave his will if he's given the choice of being in bed half the summer or being out of bed and well on his way to recovery by Easter."
He regarded the squirrel with obvious animosity. (exasperatedfluff) "You try my patience, Busheytail. You cure the General and then we shall see." The Major got up and left the lab. He wanted nothing more right now than to just squeeze the life out of that squirrel. He'd have to settle for banter with the mentally-challenged Fudds on the net.
[By General LonGears]
I scowled at my nemesis as she circled closer, wielding the gleaming straight razor menacingly. I could tell by the way she handled it that she was no stranger to the weapon.
I was facing a pro.
"I'm sorry, Sir," she smiled, moving in for the attack, "I have to shave the affected area."
I pulled the sheet up in a feeble display of protection.
"This is an outrage!" I protested. "I'll not have my tummy shaved like Elmer Fudd's head! It ... it isn't done!"
The nurse made reproving "shusshing" noises and pounced.
"No! Guards! Help!"
But my calls for assistance went unheard. In my weakened condition, my attacker easily had her way with me.
"More shaving cream!" she called, wiping a dab of white foam from her nose. "There's so much area with which to deal! Lie still won't you?! I don't want to cut you!"
Oh fine! After all this humiliation ... now she was threatening me!
I flopped back, exhausted. The ignominy of it all!
I opened one eye to watch my assailant.
She was holding aloft a syringe, sporting a needle big enough to crotchet sweaters for a circus elephant.
"What do you have there?!" I demanded. "What are you doing with that needle?! I don't want any injections!"
The nurse smiled beguilingly.
"Of course not, General," she murmured sweetly. "I wouldn't think of sticking a bun of your stature, breeding, lineage ..."
I relaxed, slightly.
JAB
For a moment, I thought Lisa the Pro-Human Werewolf had somehow infiltrated that infirmary. Then I realized that the piercing howl was coming from me.
"You bitch!" I spat. "You lied! You've pierced a superior officer! You've punctured your Commander-in-Chief! You've speared a member of the High Command! I'll have your puh ... pelt ... puh ... puh ..."
My head had suddenly gone quite fuzzy and the room was starting a slow counter-clockwise spin.
"You... You've drugged me!" I slurred accusingly.
The three overlapping images of the nurse's head nodded in unison as the ceiling began scrolling past. I was being wheeled somewhere!
"That's the anesthesia," she smiled. "We have a mentat who is going to make you better. But he has to operate."
Mentat? Good. Mentats are a Good Thing.
I nodded dreamily. Wonder who they found to do this? Daphnie? BunnyMentat? Surely none of the local mentats had this kind of expertise. The ceiling stopped scrolling. We were there.
I looked up to see a squirrel in a surgical mask.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed, bolting upright. I wasn't aware of the sensation of popping sutures. A squirrel!?! Ready to operate on me?!?
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the startled squirrel shrilled, leaping up to the overhead light.
"I thought you'd administered anesthesia?!" the squirrel snapped in alarm, swinging from his precarious perch. "Can't you bunnies do anything right?!? Put him under! NOW!"
I was wrestled back and a mask was slipped over my muzzle.
As I slowly slid into unconsciousness, I vowed to find out what had been in that syringe and to give the nurse a tailful. Whatever it was, it was Bad! An evil drug to make me hallucinate so!
A squirrel in the PAW infirmary ... !
"Just say No to drugs," I murmured as I drifted into unconsciousness.
LonGears slipped back into unconsciousness after two buns wrestled a mask over him. Aldin waited an extra 30 seconds before descending from the swinging light fixture to ensure his patient was out-cold.
He glared at the two assistants. (squirrelstomp!) "We'll have to stitch him back up before I can proceed. That should add another 30 minutes..." Aldin examined the state of damage LonGears had inflicted upon himself. "Make that 45 minutes to the operation."
Fifteen minutes pass before a voice came over the intercom. "Why are you stalling, tree-rat. Get on with the procedure."
"If your incompetent buns had administered the anesthesia properly, I wouldn't have to be doing this," Aldin replied without looking up from his work. "If I don't stitch him back up before proceeding, he could bleed to death before I'm half-way through the operation. Lotta good correcting his defective genes would do then, Major."
Major D. Feet sat back in exasperation while watching the operation on a monitor. About 10 different cameras were set-up throughout the operating room and D. Feet wasn't the only bun watching. In another room, there were a dozen mentats and mentats-in-training watching the procedure. D. Feet prayed to Frith that at least one of them would pick-up on Aldin's technique so they would never have to depend on a squirrel in this kind of situation again.
Thirty minutes went by before Aldin actually began the operation. He took a syringe containing 30 cc concentrated liquid Spam™ and glucose from a tray and injected the contents into the General's sleeping body. One of the monitoring mentats whistled softly to himself. "Whatever that squirrel intends to do, he's insuring the General has lots of energy...." he jotted some notes down.
Aldin then carefully examined each of LonGears wounds and concentrated his attention on the smallest of them. He pointed-out the wound to the two assistants who began to lay lead-filled shielding over the rest of LonGears' body. Aldin pulled-out a second syringe, one filled with a retro-virus he created the previous day and he proceeded to inject the contents slowly into the tissue around the wound. As he finished, one of the techs was swinging an alpha-beam emitter into place. With pinpoint accuracy, the tech fired into the middle of the wound with a 2 second burst.
"What did he just do?" one of the mentat-wanna-be's in the monitoring room asked.
"He just introduced the counter-virus, I mean, retro-virus, as he explained in the proposal....but he's also using a radiation treatment...Why?" replied one of the mentats next to him.
"Perhaps to kill-off the cells containing defective genes or to encourage the growth of those cells the retro-virus infects with the correct genes?" another quipped in. More notes were jotted down.
The emitter was moved out of the way and the shielding material removed. Aldin picked-up a small scalpel and nicked the General's flesh near the wound he just treated. Fresh blood rippled-up from the wound. Aldin watched it intently. After about a minute, the trickle of blood slowed and began to clot-up. Aldin smiled deviously at one of the cameras and flicked his tail once. "It's going to work."
Two hours passed slowly. Aldin was beginning to tire from the monotony. However, LonGears' body seemed to be taking to the procedure well. Aldin had moved away from LonGears' wounds and began treating other parts of his body.
"He's not injured there, so why are you treating him there?" Aldin didn't recognize the bun's voice.
"I don't want to have to be a guest here again." Again, Aldin didn't bother looking-up from his work. "I'm making sure that enough of the new genes are introduced into various parts of his anatomy so that he doesn't wind-up in this situation again."
Another hour passed. Finally, Aldin stepped back from the patient and pulled his muzzle mask down. "OK, wheel him into recovery."
Two guards almost immediately came in after the General was wheeled away who hurriedly escorted Aldin towards a waiting cell and pushed him in. A voice he did recognize and disliked came over a speaker.
"Now we wait, tree rat," D. Feet's disembodied voice echoed from the speaker. "You will note two doors in your cell. One leads to freedom and the other leads to the execution viewing area." D. Feet's voice chuckled evilly before he terminated the signal.
They had woken her from sickly-pleasant dreams that vanashed as their grabbing paws clinched on her. She had been pushed, stumbling, down dark corridor after dark corridor. Feeling like a bull prodded into the arena, she was thrust into a suddenly light room. And, to her relief, he had been there. Standing, startled? maybe. Arms opening to her. Her heart had filled with hope. With deepest refreshing love. He had been standing there, his grey fur soft in the moonlight. His white medical garb glamorously splashed with blood. Something in her fairytale went very very wrong. Another emotion had splashed into her heart. He must have seen it in her face. Because he had said it.
"I had to do it."
Sallie, Aldin's love, frowned. "Because it was the right thing to do, or because you sold out." Her voice held scorn.
Aldin rocked. He had expected this, but not been prepared for it. For the emotion of it. "Sold out?" He shook his head in confusion. "But... you heard what they'd do. All those squirrels would have been killed..."
"And" {acqusativeflick} "How many have you doomed to die under the war machine of the General now? How many lives were those squirrels worth?"
Aldin flinched. "The Major wasn't bluffing. I could see it in his eyes and body language. Perhaps all I did was buy them time to prepare, but that's more time then they would have had otherwise..." He trailed off and then calmly, rationally, and somewhat admonishingly, "It's not right for anyone to have to live on a machine like that, suffering. Even him."
Sallie stared. Melted inside. And rushed to hug her beloved.
The blood on his garb matted her fur. Next to the warmth of his tail, it was the most wonderful thing she could remember feeling.
Slowly, the chiaroscuro of shifting patterns around me coalesced into focus.
No! Not that again!
With a start, I opened my eyes.
No looming squirrels in surgical masks. No sadistic nurses wielding rapier-like syringes.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Must have all been a dream. With a shudder, I vowed to cut down on the pickled Fudd Toes before bedtime.
My thoughts were interrupted by a young doe in a starched white uniform.
"And how is our patient, today?" she chirped, scribbling on a clipboard.
To my surprise, I discovered I was feeling noticeably better!
"Not bad, I admitted." My nose quivered as I saw the tray she was bringing in. "Food! Excellent! I'm famished! I'll start with a bowl of Vicious-Swathe, then perhaps a nice Filet Hughmon ..."
The Carrot Striper removed the lid on the platter.
Lime-green jello.
"Ugh!" I wrinkled my nose in distaste. "Do you know what Fudds do in that?!? I need real food, damn it! Take this offal away!"
The doe consulted her charts, in anxiety.
"I'm sorry, the nutrition guidelines for post-surgical patients are quite clear ..."
Obviously, she was not going to change anything. She was just a medical lackey ...
"Get me the chief physician in charge of my case," I demanded. By the Spirit, I'd have a decent meal or know the reason why!"
The Striper was frustrated.
"Dr Busheytail isn't available right ..."
A cold rush of dread cascaded throughout my entire body, causing my fur to stand on end.
Busheytail?
Busheytail?!?
"BUSHEYTAIL?!?!" I roared. "By all that's fluffy, you had best not be referring to the Busheytail I THINK you're referring to!"
The doe was now quite distraught and thumping one leg, uncontrollably. I eyed her malevolently and could read the answer in her twitches.
"Have all those responsible assembled here within five minutes," I ordered. "I shall have answers."
"And bring me Aldin Busheytail."
I lay, glowering, in my bed as the parties assembled.
Major Downy Feet. Doctor Kevorkibun. A few others.
Finally, the principal arrived. Aldin Busheytail. Still wearing a spattered labcoat and dragging another squirrel with him. Another squirrel?!? What were we running here -- a tree rat resort?!
I regarded the face I'd spent so many years trying to forget. First that unpleasantness at Namakata. Now this.
"Well?" I asked.
Busheytail drew himself up. "You'd think you would show a little grati..."
"Not you," I interrupted.
Downy Feet looked positively ill.
"It's like this, Sir ..." Slowly, haltingly, he explained the situation, as he had seen it.
I grimaced. Jrrrr-Lwsss had struck a telling blow. She had won an apparent victory of monumental proportions with my apparent death. And she had kept me from the fray for almost an entire year. I shuddered when I realized how close that apparent victory had come to being a real victory.
"Lucky old bun," I muttered to myself.
Downy Feet finished, having gained strength as he proceeded, he now faltered a bit as he wound up.
"I ... see," I said. "And we had sufficient safeguards in place to be reassured the squirrel didn't try to finish what Jrrrr-Lwsss started?"
Downy Feet nodded, emphatically.
But I could tell from the sick look on Kevorkibun's face and the smug expression on Busheytail's that if I was all right, it was due to the grace of the squirrel more than any external controls.
I found myself infuriated by this.
I was now beholden to ... a squirrel. I gnashed my teeth in a sudden and terrible rage. This was the worst insult I had ever had to endure! Better to have died in battle at the claws of a worthy foe!
And I could tell the squirrel knew this.
I fixed the squirrel with a terrible gaze. Slowly, the half-smile he'd sported faded.
"So," I considered. "You have used your scientific prowess to help me back to a state of normalcy."
Busheytail regarded me, stiffly, knowing better than to offer an answer.
"I am ... in your debt, squirrel," I acknowledged. The squirrel did not look relieved.
"And I would repay that debt." I pondered a bit. "You are afflicted with a healing abnormality, yourself, are you not?"
His companion
"What is he talking about, Aldin?" she asked, with concern.
Busheytail shushed her, never taking his eyes from me. He knew what I was talking about. "Not an abnormality, but as your predecessor put it, an improvement." He spat upon the floor.
"Such healing abnormalities as we have had are an affront to Nature, are they not ... Mentat?" I smiled.
"As you have cured me of mine, so would I return the favor."
"NO!" shouted the other squirrel. "He saved you! Is this how you would repay ... ?"
"Shut up, Sadie," I ordered.
"Sallie," the squirrel corrected, more as a reflex than an answer.
I regarded the two.
"Busheytail has done me a grave disservice, madam. And he knows that," I said. "He has inflicted a serious wound in my most vulnerable spot: my pride. And it is a wound that shall pain me every second of the remainder of my life."
"I shall never again know a moment of joy or accomplishment that I do not have the knowledge I owe to an enemy."
"Killing him now is too quick and too merciful. After my gift, I shall release both of you. But only because I want to spend adequate time considering your punishment. And because I want you to live in fear of the day my retribution."
At my signal, the two squirrels were led away.
I felt sick and angry. There was no way to undo this. Jrrrr-Lwsss had struck a telling bow. Aldin Busheytail had struck a second. I was feeling much stronger. But I knew it would be a long time before I was back to my old strength. In the meantime, I needed something to lift my spirits.
"Get me something to kill," I ordered.
"I doubt he even realizes what he has ordered," Aldin mumbled to himself as he and Sallie were marched down the hall.
"Quiet, tree rat!" one of the guards shoved him from behind. Aldin glared at him, but kept quiet as they continued up the corridor. They stopped in front of a detention center door and Sallie was separated from Aldin.
"NO!" She stared menacingly at the guards.
"It'll be alright, Sallie," Aldin chittered. "We'll be out of here in no time. I'll be alright." (reassuringflick) They hugged briefly before being separated a second time.
"This way, tree rat!" one of the guards prodded Aldin along further down the hallway to another laboratory. Aldin's favorite bun, Major D. Feet was waiting for him there.
"So you are to oversee the correction to my healing 'defect', huh, Major?" Aldin asked.
D. Feet simply grinned. "Just one of myriad overdue corrections you could stand," he agreed.
Aldin continued, ignoring the jibe. "Well, I doubt that if LonGears truly realized what kind of a curse this is to me to begin with and that I feel that having it corrected is a blessing, that he'd still order it done."
Major D. Feet appeared to be getting a migraine listening to this squirrel. Personally, he wished the General had simply allowed him to kill the impudent creature. The tree rat continued as if he could read his mind.
"You hate me, Major. I can read it in your body language," Aldin declared.
D.Feet looked bored. "You have a point?" he asked, clearly bored.
Aldin did. "You're disappointed that the General is allowing me to live, aren't you. Well, here's your chance...Defend Yourself! SSSSCCCCRRRRREEEEE!!!!!!"
Before the guards could react, Aldin leaped at D. Feet. For a blink of an eye, Downy Feet couldn't believe the squirrel was doing this. Then his combat training kicked in. He easily parried the attack, and countered with a vicious swipe of his claws. A gaping wound appeared in the squirrel's chest as he sailed past.
Aldin landed in a heap, writhing. D. Feet grinned. "Stupid squirrel," he muttered. "You gave me the excuse I was looking for."
Slowly, Aldin seemed to gain control and stood, shakily. He looked at the Major and brushed himself off as the guards grabbed him.
Aldin grinned at the Major. "Very good, Major, though I had left myself wide-open on purpose." As he spoke, the wound began to close and slowly knit.. Downy Feet stared with furrowed brow. Aldin noticed. "Oh, this?" (He pointed to his wound with the tip of his tail.) "That's the curse I'm afflicted with, thanks to an experiment at Namakata Labs." He finally winced slightly. "And it's not all it's cracked-up to be."
"You're a combat veteran, aren't you, Major? Ever experienced the burning sensation of HVE or HU? Well multiply that pain ten-fold and you might get an inkling of what I get to experience everytime I'm wounded." Aldin paused a moment to let D. Feet think about that. "By curing me of this, your" (chatterspit) "honorable Commander in Chief has rewarded me greatly in a positive way for my services. I very much doubt LonGears will enjoy hearing that in your report. Tell him I said, Thank you."
D. Feet scowled. "Mind your tongue, rodent," he sneered. "I'm sure we could find ways to make anything you've yet experienced pale in comparison."
Aldin grinned deviously as he was escorted, roughly into the lab.
Within the lab an hour later....
(exasperatedflick) "How difficult can it be? All you have to do is program them to destroy this gene, (pointflick) this gene (pointflick) and that gene (pointflick) without harming the other genes."
(STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!) "Stupid tree-rat!" the lab mentat on duty retorted. "It's not that simple..."
"I don't care about your excuses, mentat! The General has ordered my 'defective' genetic code corrected. Fix it." (deviousflick) "Or do you wish to speak the General personally, and explain why you have failed him?"
The bun paled but held his ground. "Even if it was that simple, I couldn't do it."
"Then show me how to program the Frith-damned nanites!"
(STOMP!) "You know I'm not allowed to do that either!"
Aldin threw-up his paws in frustration. He turned and headed towards the lab door.
"And where do you think you are going, tree-rat?"
"To find a comm-link and contact SFU and ask them to send somebun competent here to carry-out the General's order. Who knows, maybe BunnyMentat himself will come, or better yet," (deviousflick) "his Evil^H^H^Hnthusiastic granddaughter, Daphnie."
The bun paled further and started to get to work on programming the nanites.
An hour later, Aldin was strapped-down on a lab table and the nanites were injected into his body.
"I hope you enjoy the sensation," the mentat, who had never given his name throughout the whole session, spat. He turned to monitor the nanites' progress on several sensors nearby.
A tingling sensation came over Aldin's body. The tingling began to increase in intensity after a few minutes, turning into pain after 15 minutes. Aldin began to gnash his teeth. "How long is this suppose to take?" he gasped out.
The mentat looked to his patient and grinned evilly. "As long as it takes, tree-rat." He continued in a cutely-sweet voice, "Why, does it hurt, poor wittle sqwuirrel?" Aldin gave him a What do you think? look. "GOOD!" the bun replied and laughed, turning back to his monitors.
Aldin had lost track of time. The pain had built-up to a level he hadn't felt since his days as a victim of Namakata Labs. He fought to maintain consciousness, but failed. The mentat, however, wouldn't let the squirrel get-off that easily, slapping him awake every time, he slid towards unconsciousness.
Finally at one point, he no longer felt pain. Perhaps his nervous system had gone numb, he didn't know. The bun got up to leave. He grinned at Aldin. "Well, tree-rat, that should do it, maybe. We shall see for sure in the morning." He left the lab with Aldin still strapped-down. Aldin collapsed into a fitful sleep.
Sometime the following morning....
Aldin was slapped awake to find that same mentat staring down at him. He had a scalpel in one paw. "Now we see." (deviousfluff) The mentat placed a 1 inch long slit down Aldin's left forearm. Blood beaded-up crimson. After some time the blood slowed to a trickle and clotted.
"Looks like you're cured, tree-rat."
The foot of the gurney bumped open the swinging doors. Sitting on the edge of the lone bed, here, was the portly figure of the General.
"Ah! Mentat Busheytail!" he beamed. "I see the operation was a success. I must have been right about using the sharp scalpels rather than the implements the Major suggested."
Aldin focused his eyes and tried to glower.
"Medic, let us test to ensure the operation was a success," the General directed.
The medic frowned. "But, Sir ... we already did ..."
LonGears glared at the medic. "I would see this for myself," he stated, flatly. The medic nodded and produced a scalpel.
"A surgical instrument?" LonGears asked, in apparent shock. "After the service Mr Busheytail has rendered ... how could we be so ... impersonal."
He extended one claw.
Aldin struggled furiously, but the restraints and the orderlies were more than sufficient to hold him down.
LonGears traced a perpindicular set of lines, forming a bloody "L" on Aldin's chest. Aldin winced slightly, but stoicly refused to give them the satisfaction of showing pain.
The General and the medics watched the wound for several minutes. Finally, the General nodded his approval.
"Good then it's time for you to be released." LonGears (deviousfluff)ed "Prepare them for shipping!"
"Where should we ship them to sir?" a mail clerk bun asked.
"I don't care about tree rats! Send them to Peru!"
"As you command, sir. May I suggest Priority Mail. Tree rats aren't worth the expense of BunExpress™."
LonGears contemplated that a moment. All those grinding gears of the US Postal Service and their poor track record when it came to handling delicate objects with care. Perfect.
"Agreed."
"If they're cooperative, we may even put airholes in the box," he grinned. He signalled to the waiting clerk.
"This way," the mail clerk indicated as two guards dragged the protesting squirrel off.
TBC (Aldin's and Sallie's adventure contineud in Postal Nightmare)
I tossed and turned all night, unable to find a comfortable position. The nurse came and gave me some pills.
"They'll help you sleep," she said. "they're quite powerful. In fact, you may be a bit disoriented in the morning."
At this point, I'd have taken anaesthetic in order to get some sleep. It had been a long week and the business with the squirrels still gnawed at me. I hated being indebted to anybun. But to a squirrel ... !
The night passed more easily, and I awoke refreshed. A perky Carrot Striper was bringing in a breakfast tray.
She pulled back the sheets and screamed.
Had that stupid hospital gown ridden up again?!? I jumped out of bed,
making sure I was covered, and gave her a
[flick]
What the ... ?!? That was no
[flick]
With a flash of frustration, I hopped over to the mirror to examine myself.
No, everything looked the same: the steely eyes, the swept-back long ears, the ominous grey furry thing rising up behind me ...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
I leapt sideways, rolling on the floor, paw instinctively going for my sidearm -- which was, of course, not adorning my hospital gown.
I regained my feet and scanned the room for my enemy. How had it gotten past security? What was it?!? I hadn't actually seen its face ...
I
[flick]
Behind me! It was behind me! I whirled to confront my nemesis.
Nothing. The room was empty.
Slowly, I returned to the mirror and hesitantly looked again.
There it was! But ... examining it more carefully, I saw it was not a creature -- it was a ... squirrel tail! I looked behind me. No squirrel.
With a start, I realized the monstrosity was attached to my posterior!
"GUARDS!!!"
After an interminable length of time, a rabbit in a rumpled uniform appeared.
"Yo!" he greeted, giving me a languid salute-fluff.
I was too mad to deal with his slovenliness right now.
"Get me Downy Feet, Kevorkibun, and anyone else who is even remotely involved with this!" I demanded, shaking the damning appendage.
The guard tried not to laugh and failed.
"Sort of like a fur coat for your butt, huh?" he offered.
I glowered at this half-step from a reg-bun.
"What is your name, Guard?" I asked through gritted teeth.
The guard was oblivious.
"Fred," he offered, proffering a paw.
I ignored it, stepping to the intercom. "Sergeant Hopper? Come escort ..." I looked at the uncomprehending guard.
"Fred," he volunteered.
"... Fred ... to the sub-basement. What was Plan B we had in mind for
Busheytail? Really?
As a more politically-aware contingent of guards arrived and escorted the unfortunate Fred downstairs, my terminal beeped. An incoming message? For me?
I clicked to display it.
Prerecorded at PAW on 3/25 to be forwarded to General LonGears
for 4/1 delivery.
FROM: prisoner@PAW.mil
TO: GeneralLonGears@PAW.mil
SUBJECT: Hoppy April Fool's Day!
(Greetingsflick) Hoppy April Fool's Day, General!
(gleefulflick) I hope you are enjoying your new tail! }:3
Let's try it together! Ready! (flick, flick, flick)
[flick, flick, flick]
STOP THAT!
I grabbed the offending appendage to hold it still and continued reading.
Very good, sir! We'll have you rehabilitated in no time!
(chittergiggle) I bet Precious Paws will like it too. It's
so much more ky00t than that ugly little cotton ball you had
before. (more chittergiggling)
Mentat Aldin Busheytail }:3
April Fool's ... ?!? Damn it all, I knew it was a mistake allowing a squirrel to have that kind of access to my body! Someone was going to pay for this!
I turned swiftly, knocking over a nearby lamp. Damned tail! How do they move with these things? Throw off the whole center of gravity! It was a wonder there weren't mounds of dead squirrels, piled up under telephone wires across the country!
Amputation! That was it! They were doing wonders with medicine these days! I'd get the thing cut off -- like a wart. Or a tumor. I shuddered as I looked at it. This was horrible. When I caught up with that furry little nut-chewer ...
As I passed the personal bar, I paused to fortify myself with a Bunhattan.
And another.
And another.
After forty minutes or so of fortification, I found I could get the [flicks] under control. I was still going to kill everyone responsible, but I was too sleepy to pursue this right now.
Still muttering, I crawled back into bed and passed out.
TBC: Many Hoppy Returns
From: genlongears@delphi.com (LonGears)
I awoke with a start. Had it been real? Had it really happened?
After looking to make sure no one else was in the room, I took a furtive look at my backside.
A nice, fluffy powder puff tail! Still a bit bedraggled from that unpleasantness at NoCo, but a cottontail, nonetheless. No sign of that squirrel monstrosity.
It must have been a hallucination, brought on by the drugs I'd been given. Only this, and nothing more.
Good! I could dismiss that and get back to real business. And the first order of business, now that I was feeling stronger ...
I sat down at the terminal with a smile.
Easter: April 7, 1996
************ Widebeam ****************** Hoppy Easter to friend and foe, alike. I have returned. Let the Game continue. -- General LonGears *********** End Widebeam ************
END