Maine: The Recruits' Object Lesson

First posted late April 18, 1996. It is assumed that the film made in The Object Lesson is available for training purpases to all Fudds. The follow-up, Fiasco !? posted June 8 and 11, 1996. First HTML-ized March 18, 1997. © 1996, Scott Bernier.

Gene did not sleep well these nights. Not since the day of the demonstration 10 days past. It didn't help matters that he kept reviewing the film from that day. Major Blake had ordered the demonstration filmed in its entirety for future educational use.......

"Fudds, Attention!" Twenty-some-odd men and women came to attention. "Today's object lesson shall be put on by our Commanding Officer, Major Steve Blake."

"Thank you, Sergeant." Blake hopped forward and stood before the new batch of recruits. "I am today's object lesson." He ripped-off his uniform "Or at least what I could represent, the devilbunny. Today, you will witness _all_ the natural weapons of the enemy in action from claws, to vorpal teeth, to cuteness! I am an example of why you should keep up with those anti-bunnies booster shots! I am a devilbunny (STOMP!) in body, but fortunately," (deviousfluff) "I kept my human mind."

"This body emits a level of cutons all by itself. That 'normal' level of cuton emission/radiation, whatever you wish to call it, has been tuned out of all the perimeter alarms along with every personal cuteness geometer here at the Maine Fudd HQ."

The Major looked at the recruits with big Bambi eyes and spoke in a syrupy sweet voice. "But why would" (nosetwitch) "anybunny be afraid of cute widdle harmless ol' me?" (fluffspinpoof)

The perimeter alarms along with every personal geometer blared to life in warning. Blake looked around and continued in the same sweet voice, (alarmfluff) "Did I do that?" (poutfluff) "I didn't mean too!"

Some of the recruits started to break formation at the alarm. "As you were!" Sgt Pomerleau yelled over the noise. "False alarm, repeat false alarm, the Major is putting on a demonstration!" he yelled next into a handset. As quickly as the perimeter alarms had sounded, they ceased.

Three recruits near the center began to laugh, but found themselves quickly on their backs with a snarling, angry devilbunny on their chests. It quickly touched each of them lightly across the throats.

(STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!) [normal, but angry voice] "You three just died! Why?!" (STOMP!) "Because you allowed your defenses to drop in the face of Cuteness!" (STOMP!) He leaped off them and back to the front.

"What am I?"

"Major Steve Blake, our commanding officer!" the recruits yelled in unison.

"Wrong! Yesterday, I may have been Major Steve Blake! Tomorrow, I may be your commanding officer! But today, I am a devilbunny. Your sworn enemy!" (STOMP!) "NEVER TRUST A DEVILBUNNY! You don't know when they're trying to get you to drop your guard so they can rip your throat-out, chomp your toes off, or worse," he paused, "convert you to the Fluffy side (tm)!"

"None of you have ever been in combat. No matter how many simulations you go through, nothing will prepare you for the real thing. No amount of stuffed bunnies, jurry-rigged baseball shooters, nor films! That's why we have a special 'guest' to help with today's combat demonstration. Sergeant!"

Sergeant Pomerleau pushed another soldier in handcuffs forward "Cprl Souza is a devilbunny symp and spy. He was caught last week sending information out to his superiors. He was court martialed and yesterday he was found guilty. He is to be executed for betraying his race and aiding the enemy. Unhandcuff, the traitor, SGT!"

Pomerleau hesitated for only the slightest moment, not enough for the recruits to notice. Souza only had a moment to rub his wrists before Blake was upon him.

Warning: The netpolice and censors have declared the following rated [PiG-13] for it's violent, graphic content. It is not suitable reading for all kits. Read at your own risk.

Souza fell to the ground and rolled to his side quickly. He looked about and was broadsided by a snarling Blake, knocking the wind out of the symp.

"Note my speed and agility!" Blake cried-out to the recruits who had backed-up a bit to give the two combatants more space.

Blake stood back to allow Souza to get-up. "All you have to do to have the sentence changed to life at hard labor, symp, is tell us who you were reporting to and give us a copy of BUNIX™ ." He leaped at the symp.

"Never!" Souza yelled back as he snatched Blake out of the air with one hand. Blake sank both the claws from both forepaws and his teeth into Souza's arm. Souza yelped and dropped Blake.

"Note," Blake continued lecturing to the recruits, "that grabbing a bun with only one hand without having the other ready, either to grab onto the neck or to bring aweapon to bear, is not a very smart thing to do! If he does not die from this encounter, he will eventually turn into a devilbunny since I am a carrier of HLV."

Souza was wrapping his wound with part of his shirt and glared at Blake, pure hatred in his eyes. Hatred reflected back at him from the pro-Fudd devilbunny.

"As you train," Blake continued, "you will learn how to go for the kill, and how to make it as quick and clean as possible. That's something the enemy," he leaped again and muckled onto Souza's good arm. His momentum propelling him past the symp and causing the symp's arm to bend at an awkward angle. (SNAP!) Souza cried-out. "..don't always do!" Blake finished.

Souza fell to his knees, one arm dangling, the other wrapped in his shirt, both bleeding.

"However, I will not allow this symp to suffer any longer though his superiors would probably had kept him alive a bit longer." Blake leaped one last time and ripped the symp's throat out. He gurgled a moment and fell face forward. Several of the recruits lost their lunches. Blake ignored this and continued.

"No, the enemy if given the chance will disable you and then feast upon your toes! You think those steel-toed boots are going to protect you once you have been disabled? They aren't completely steel, just in the toes!" Blake raked his claws across the now dead Souza's right boot 3 inches above the toe and ripped the entire end off revealing the symp's bare foot one toe was missing. "Seems somebunny beat me to him!" (gigglefluff) he yelled before chomping two toes off and crunching them noisily for the recruits.

Those who had not yet lost their lunch now did so. Blake spat-out the chewed-up toes. "That's the end of today's lesson!" (STOMP!) "Any questions?" (glare--no replies) "Sergeant, dismiss the troops!"

Eugene looked a little green himself, but followed orders. "Recruits! Attention!" pause "Dismissed!" He then signaled two Lumberjack Fudds over to dispose of the symp's body. "Be sure he is dead," he whispered to them.

As the video concluded, Eugene wiped his face and pushed the trash can aside. The can had more in it now than when he had started the film. He had finally made his decision. He would have to report this to Commander Andersen eventually, but he felt too sick at the moment to initiate a tightbeam

Background: About three weeks have passed and Eugene has yet to contact Commander Andersen....partially due to Andersen's writer, Greg Rapaway being a bit busy in RL. In that time period a new writer delurked in Bangor, but was scared away by all the writers pouncing on his post...Also the weekend Blake refers to is a trip Eugene and Blake took to go to Will's Place in MA, but Will had just withdrawn from the group, leaving behind a vacant lot where the bar had been. Also rumors have been flying in banter since the time of the Demonstration about what was really going on up in Maine.

There was a rap at the door and then Gene entered.

"You sent for me sir?"

"Yes, and drop the formalities, Gene." Gene sat down. "First off, I want to thank you for trying to get me to relax last weekend by dragging me along, but as you can see, the enemy won't let us be for a day. Any luck with our 'guest' in the Orono area?"

Gene sighed. "None, Steve. Too many Fudds blew the whistle unwittingly for the bun. He's either long gone or very, very well hid. Nor have we intercepted any transmissions since."

"Alright, I want the troops up at the University along with the Fudd ROTC to keep on their toes. Have all other Fudds stand down to normal readiness."

Gene nodded. Steve *POP*ped open a Shipyard Ale and sipped deeply before continuing.

"You have been monitoring the banter traffic on the Internet. What rumors have been flying about us?"

Gene hesitated for a moment. "Nothing in the open, sir..."

"But..."

"There are rumors circulating at other Fudd bases. Since I have been running interference for you, those rumors are about me. They think in the most extreme instance, that I did something really bad and the rest of the base is keeping silent under my orders."

Steve (sighfluff)ed. "I was afraid of this. There's only one way to put a stop to this. It's time I told the truth."

"But, Steve..."

"But nothing. The longer we wait, the worse it will be. This is my problem and you shouldn't take the flack for it. Dismissed."

"But.."

"Dismissed, Sergeant," Steve cut in sternly.

"Yes, sir." Sgt Eugene Pomerleau got up and departed.

TBC in Widebeam to all Fudds.

SGT Eugene Pomerleau, 2nd in Command, Maine Fudd Volunteers

*****BUNNYSTUMPER DELUXE™ WIDEBEAM*****

To: All Fudds
RE: Recent events at Maine Fudd Volunteers, HQ

This is Major Steve Blake, commander of MFV. I am speaking to you to dispel rumors about myself and those under my command. (STOMP!)

First and foremost. Yes, I am a devilbunny. I contracted a strong variant form Bunny Virus (tm) during the Battle of Waco in April, 1993, and changed within a matter of hours, despite my being up-to-date on my Anti-Bunny Boosters™ . However I somehow kept hold of my human persona. I served for two and a half years after the accident doing deep cover espionage work for Lubbock Fudd Intelligence. In between missions I personally trained nearly every Fudd to go through boot camp at LuFI including a special hand-to-paw combat course. I never once bared my fangs at an opening against any of my cadets in order to protect them from the disease I carry. If there is any question about my loyalties, you are more than welcome to request, open-up and review my records in storage at LuFI, NoCO and up here at MFV. If you do so, please note my standing order to *POP* me if I should ever show signs of betraying those under my command or the Army of Fudd in general.

Recent rumors bring the abilities of my second in command, SGT Eugene Pomerleau, into question. (glower) Yes, SGT Pomerleau messed-up once since being transferred to his home state of Maine. That mistake resulted in the Battle of Portland last fall which we won by luck some ingenuity, and the grace of Elh'Mar. It is also why he isn't in command of MFV as he was before that incident. But since then, no one could ask for a better 2nd than he. For the past four weeks, SGT Pomerleau has been running interference between me and the troops while I try to come to terms with myself after an incident in late April.

At that time we caught a symp spy in our midst here at MFV HQ. He was put on trial and found guilty. The punishment called for his execution. On the appointed day, he was brought before all the troops at MFV, the regular Fudds, the Lumberjacks and the raw recruits and he was executed.

However, rather than just kill him, I used him as an example to my troops to show them exactly what a devilbunny could do to a human. I battle the traitor for five minutes and then ended his misery, ending it much more quickly than his superiors would have if they had gotten their paws on him after his failure. Perhaps I carried the battle out too long, but the only use of 20/20 hindsight is to remind yourself not to repeat those kind of mistakes.

A fully detailed report of the entire incident is on file with Commander Andersen at NoCO. It is up to the Commander to decide what details beyond what I have stated here to release from that report.

Hopefully, this will put an end to any rumors that are currently circulating about my command. Thank you for your time and may Elh'Mar be with you in your hunt against the Evil that Fluffs.

Major Steve Blake, Commander of Maine Fudd Volunteers.

*****END WIDEBEAM AND ENCRYPTION*****

There was a rustling in the back corner of the room.

There was no reply. A light switch was flicked on and a brown buck searched around the room from his bed. He saw movement in the shadows. He leaped out of bed and demanded again, "Identify yourself!" (STOMP!)

He was answered by chuckling as another brown buck emerged from the shadows. An exact duplicate of the one who had been sleeping, but fluffier. As the sleeper stared, the newcomer (deviousfluff)ed and chuckled some more.

"Surprised to see me, Steve?" (fluffle)

"Impossible. This is all an illusion or dream..."

"You're close, Steve, but I assure you the outcome won't be an illusion." The other bun chuckled evilly again and continued. "Why don't you give it up, Steve? Give in to the Fluffy Cause™ . Isn't it time to stop being a traitor to your race?" (curiousfluff)

Steve had a hard time maintaining his composure. "If I join the devilbunny cause I would then be a traitor. A traitor to my true race. I am not a devilbunny..."

The other buck circled him. "But you confessed it earlier today to all the Fudds. You said, 'I am a devilbunny.'"

"Only physically! I didn't choose to become a rabbit..."

"But you are a devilbunny." The other buck stared him in the face. "Live with it. You ARE a devilbunny! It's time you behaved like one."

"Never..."

The intruder changed tactics. "Fine. Then explain about the toes."

Steve paled. "It was a demonstration for the troops.."

"Admit it. You enjoyed the taste of those toes. You savored the flavor...."

Steve began to cower like a kit. "no..."

"Oh, but you did enjoy it, I know, for I could taste them too."

"no...you aren't real..."

"Oh, but I am, Steve. Everybunny has a fluffy side. I, BrownPaw, am yours." The buck chuckled a moment. "If only you had swallowed those toes....then again, it is only a matter of time now before you give in..."

"...I defeated you...you can't be here..."

BrownPaw threw his forepaws up in the air. (exasperationfluff) "You can't defeat me. I am a part of you. To defeat me, you must defeat yourself...."

Steve stared back at BrownPaw and anger began to build-up within him as BrownPaw continued his tirade. the anger brought within him new courage that had abandoned him only moments earlier.

"By rights, I should be in charge," BrownPaw continued. "You forfeited all rights after Waco by default. Who ever heard of a devilbunny via conversion who didn't act like a devilbunny until us. It has disgusted me to see you betray our race since then...but I have been working on you...on us, slowly, one step at a time since then, trying to turn you from the evil ways of humans...and the just cause of the devilbunny race...."

Steve leaped at BrownPaw, lashing at him viciously. BrownPaw's wounds healed quickly. BP laughed in an almost LonGearish way.

"I told you, we are one and the same bunny." (cacklefluff) "When Busheytail had altered your DNA to save your life, he also altered mine. You can harm me no more easily than anybun can bring physical harm to you for I am a part of you."

"I will have no more to do with you!" Steve yelled as he leaped at BP again, this time grabbing onto the other buck's throat with his forepaws. He began to squeeze.

"If you kill me," BrownPaw wheezed out, "you will only bring mental harm to yourself..." (gasp) "you will become a defenseless regular bunny..." (gasp) "for with your fluffy side also comes the ability to kill and send others to their deaths. Gone will be the Steve Blake that everybun knows and in his place will be SssSttTTeeeVvveee! So go on, finish me off!"

Steve squeezed harder, but did not squeeze enough to *POP* his adversary. He could feel pressure around his own throat, though BrownPaw did not have a grip on him. Steve's eyes widened in understanding. He looked around the room and towards the closet. He then looked BrownPaw in the eyes and grinned evilly back at his evil side.

"You're right. I am a devilbunny."

BrownPaw relaxed slightly.

"But, that doesn't mean I have to work for the devilbunny cause." Steve (deviousfluff)ed back at BP. "As for you..."

Steve concentrated on the closet and visualized that it was lined with steel and concrete and it became such. He then pictured a combination Blessed Urine and Moxie™ delivery system worked into the walls to prevent escape and it was so for if this was his dream, he could make changes as he saw fit. Then he pictured an acetylene torch and there it was.

"No! *POP* me or give in to the fluffy side!"

Steve hurled BrownPaw into the closet and slammed the door shut and locked it. As his prisoner scratched at the door from the inside, Steve started the torch up and began to weld the door in place.

"What are you doing????" (pleadfluff)

"Everyone/bun has at least one ghost in their closet or so the saying goes...I might as well keep mine there literally. And once again I shall maintain full control only letting a little of you out when I need to slaughter bunnies," Steve replied as he shut-off the torch and peered into a small window in the closet door. "And it's all thanks to you, fluffer, that I do so."

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't this the sort of thing a devilbunny may do to an enemy they feel deserves a punishment worse than death?"

It was Steve's turn to laugh as BrownPaw cried-out in defeat....

Somewhere at Maine Fudd Vol. HQ, within the private quarters of Major Blake, the brown buck rolled over in his sleep with a grin on his muzzle.

Major Steve Blake, the pro-Fudd devilbunny
Commander, Maine Fudd Volunteers