Maine: The Lesson

Originally posted Feb 18 and 19, 1997 on alt.devilbunnies. © 1997 by Scott Bernier
First HTML-ized 30 July, 1997 by Scott Bernier

Background: Two months have passed since Major Steve Blake's release from the hospital after his rescue of his daughters in New Brunswick (See The County). Since that time, Steve has been trying to train her daughters in the art of survival around a Fudd base, despite they being devilbunnies now.

Deep in the China, Maine countryside up on Pleasant View Ridge, is a 200 year old farm with about 250 acres of land. A farm that had sat at it's spot since the Revolutionary War. It had been recently purchased by the "Widow" Blake after her home in The County had burned to the ground in an arson case. Rumors had spread through town that she was eccentric and had been rich long before someone had kidnapped her daughter and torched her home. Her daughter was still missing of course as was the arson suspect, a former employee of hers.

Rumors or not, the townsfolk knew that the Widow Blake had befriended that crazed meteorologist son of Dan Pomerleau and he had moved-in with Blake as a "weathah consultant". Everyone assumed Blake was rich, for whenever anyone drove to the old farm on that back country road to conduct one business or other, they swore there must have been 70-100 farm-hands doing various chores around the place. Nobody bothered questioning what went on, for Blake payed her various bills on time and in cash. Lots of lumber and building materials were delivered from the local hardware store to the Blake farm between December and February and several new out-buildings had been erected at the farm, despite the frozen ground.

The original barn had also been restored and partitioned-off on the inside. Within one of the rooms sat a jumbled mess of circuit boards, wires, diodes and other electronic gizmos. In a neighboring room with a connecting door and large glass window sat several desks with terminals, keyboards and wires running from the terminals to the disaster in the other room. Within this second room, Chris Pomerleau crouched under one of the desks and was applying solder to a circuit board mounted to the back of the desk. After one last tap with the soldering iron, he crawled-out and looked-up to his brother, Eugene.

"I'm ready to boot'ah up, Gene."

"Just give me a moment, bro," Eugene replied.

Eugene reached-over and toggled the PA system switch for the farm/training base known as Maine Fudd Volunteers HQ. "Attention all personal, prepare for Invasion Drill. I repeat, this is only a drill."

Chris groaned. "Lot of confidence in your brothah I see."

"I have confidence in you and your abilities, bro. It's the Major's daughtahs I have little confidence in."

Chris nodded in understanding and booted-up MFV's new computer system, the FALCON VI running P.A.T.C.H.W.O.R.C.S. (Pomerleau Advanced Technologically Correct Hard-Wired Online Re-activated Computer System). The first four had been failures and the fifth had been destroyed when the buns had attacked the base the previous fall.

Eugene and Chris carefully watched the screen

SYSTEMS CHECK....
1,276,540,000 BYTES MEMORY TESTED....
1,000,113,000 BYTES MEMORY FREE....

"Looks like we've got some bad memory cahds," Eugene quipped.

Chris hit the desk with a fist. "Damn, I could have sworn they were all good 1 meg cahds!"

LOADING DOS 1.1....

Eugene was use to the archaic style Chris used by now and didn't bother batting an eyelash at the read-out. Like it's predecessors, the FALCON VI was a hodge-podge of "unwanted" or as Chris put it, recycled computer parts from several older and slightly newer systems. There was a Commodore Vic 20 and 64 spliced into three Trash (TSR) 80's that were in turn connected to several IBM PC JR motherboards linked together along with a half-dozen state surplus Wang 286's, a few generic 386's, a couple discarded Crappard Bell 486sx25's, and the prized possession, something Chris wouldn't state where he had found, a AM586dx133 motherboard all hard-wired and interlinked together. Chris referred to this as the "Brain Frame". Eugene didn't want to attempt to fathom how Chris had pulled-it off. Chris claimed that in theory, his system would be the most advanced Fudd system outside of NoCO (of course neither of them knew about Nightwing). A theory they didn't really get to test with the FALCON V which was destroyed within hours after boot-up thanks to the bunny attack the previous fall.

LOADING DOS 3.0....
LOADING DOS 6.2....
LOADING BUNNYSTUMPER DELUXE ™....
LOADING CUTENESS GEOMETER COORDINATOR V4.3...

Outside several Fudds looked-up as Eugene's voice echoed across the PA system and they groaned. It would be the 5th "drill" that week. Two minute later the base sirens went-off and everyone ran to their posts. Inside Chris hit a few switches and shut-off the alarms and moved to shut the system completely down. Eugene stopped him.

"No, I want to know if _they_ set it off again." He began typing in commands into one of the keyboards and a layout of the base and surrounding farmland came-up on screen.

"It would be a lot fastah if you weah to allow me to get another map, bro." Chris was refering to the glass two-way LED battle map he had obtained on a "five-finger" discount from an Aegis class destroyer in drydock at Bath Iron Works. The map was due for replacement at the time and Chris happened to be at the right place at the right time performing electronic repair work on contract for the shipyard.

"No, you got lucky last time, Chris, don't press your luck," Eugene replied as he typed in a few more commands and zoomed the map-in on a small set of bushes about 500 yards east of the barn. Two bright-red dots appeared in the bushes.

Eugene sighed. "Theah they ah."

(STOMP!) "Don't tell me they're doing it again!" Blake yelled as he hopped into the new command center.

"Ayuh, Steve, see for yourself." Eugene pointed-out the blips on the map. "Sir, this is the fifth time we've tried to tune Cathy and Julie out of the Cuteness Geometah network this week and the fifth time we've failed. They're simply not suppressing their cuteness. Look at that!"

On screen the two red dots intensified for a moment and the alarms went-off a second time before Chris could disengage the alarm system.

"Not only are they not suppressing their cuteness like you taught them, their embracing it on purpose! Sir, it is my duty to inform you that your daughtahs are becoming a dangah to this base. By creating false alahms with the geometah system, they are reducing the moral of the personal of the base."

"Enough!" (STOMP!) Blake took a deep breath and calmed himself. "I'll talk to them."

"Sir," Blake glared at Eugene, but allowed him to continue. "I know they'ah your daughtahs, but you've talked to them four times already this week. Perhaps it's time to teach them a lesson. If we give them a good scare maybe they'll realize this isn't a game to play."

Blake flicked-back his left eartip. "What do you have in mind, Gene?"

Eugene explained his plan and Blake smiled. "Do it."

"Understood, sir," Eugene saluted and left.

Meanwhile 500 yards away within a low evergreen bush, two devilbunny doe kits, one calico, the other brown with a beige chest and slightly smaller than the calico, giggled and rolled in the snow.

"We did it again!" (amusedfluff) exclaimed the brown one, Cathy.

"This is much more fun then those drills Dad puts us through," (nosewrinklehopspinfluff) her sister, Julie replied.

"This is so way much more fun.." (deviousfluff) "Let's see if we can get away with one more...ready..."

Both kits simultaneously (FLUFFED) with all their might and listened carefully. Nothing happened.

(scuffpawpoutfluff) "They shut the system down. You know what that means, Cathy."

(sighfluff) "Yeah, Dad will be along shortly to give us another..." she stopped in mid-sentence and lowered her voice. "Look." Cathy pointed towards the barn to the west.

Eight well armed Fudds were slowly making their way towards the bushes on snowshoes. The lead Fudd was wielding a hand-held cuteness imager and was hand signalling to the other seven. The stock of a shotgun bobbed up and down from the top of his back. Six others trudge along with axes at the ready, while the eighth fell behind and loaded a shot gun.

"What will we do?" (panicfluff) Cathy moved away from the edge of the bushes.

"Ssshhhh!!!! We'll do like Dad showed us."

"But it's so hard."

"Just do it..."

The two kits concentrated on the techniques Steve had tried to teach them as they mentally concentrated on not fluffing. The lead Fudd held-up his hand for a moment motioning the others to stop and tapped the imager in his hand. He then tapped it a bit harder. He turned back to the others, pointed to the imager and made a cutting motion across his neck with his free hand.

"It's working," Julie whispered. She and Cathy had all they could do to keep from giggling at watching the Fudd try to get the instrument working again. "Oh, oh."

The lead Fudd tucked the now useless imager into a side pocket, and pulled the shotgun off his back. He took his time loading it with several shells as he motioned to the others to surround the bushes. The Fudds kept a distance of 15 feet from the bushes and spread-out until they had surrounded them.

The lead shotgun wielding Fudd called-out. "All right, fluffahs, we know you're in theah. Surrendah."

(panicfluff) "Now what?" Cathy pleaded with Julie.

"We tell them who we are," Julie replied. "Crpl Stevenson, it's us, Julie and Cathy."

Cprl Stevenson cocked the shotgun and aimed it at the bush. The other shotgun-weilding Fudd hidden from the kits' view behind him, did likewise but kept it aimed in the air. "Nice try, fluffahs, but those two are in their rooms studying. Come-out slowly and surrendah, or we'll simply blast ya in the bushes."

Cathy and Julie were now visibly shaking. They looked to each other and nodded in understanding. NO cuteness.

"Alright, we're coming-out, don't shoot."

Julie and Cathy slowly hopped-out of the bushes in front of Crpl Stevenson and stood still. One of the other Fudds took three steps foward, set-down two cages and stepped back.

"Get in the cages."

"But..."

Stevenson lowered the shotgun and blasted the snow a foot in front of the kits. Snow flew through the air. Julie and Cathy leaped at each other and hugged, quaking in fear. Stevenson recocked the shotgun and aimed it at the kits.

"GET IN THE CAGES, NOW!!!"

Julie and Cathy slowly moved towards the cages. "He's lost his mind," Julie whispered to Cathy. "We might have to make a break for it."

"Are you crazy?!" Cathy whispered back.

"We'll make our break just before the cages. I'll go left, you go right."

"This isn't a game anymore, sis...sis.."

Julie ignored her and darted left. Stevenson quickly brought the shotgun around and fired. Julie went down in a blur of red.

Major Blake was watching the progress of the group of Fudds from the barn with a pair of bunnoculars. Said bunny binoculars had been recovered from a dead buntrooper after the Battle of Portland. The instrument was repainted drab green.

Steve watched intently as his daughters came-out of the bushes. From this distance of 500 yards, he couldn't hear Stevenson's orders, but he knew what they were. He watched as Julie and Cathy hesitated and Stevenson lowered his gun and pulled the trigger. Private Johnson behind him fired his weapon into the air. Steve's jaw dropped when he saw the snow fly and his claws extended in disbelief and scratched-away at the paint-job on the bunnoculars, exposing the original bright pink underneath. He heard the gunshot a moment later.

He watched as both kits made their way slowly, nervously towards the waiting cages. At the last moment Julie darted to the left. Steve screamed-out, "NNOO!" as time slowed down. To his horror he watched Stevenson bring the gun to bear on his fleeing daughter and pull the trigger. A blur of red erupted from Julie's side as she fell and remained motionless in the snow. The bunnoculars splintered in Steve's paws as he catapulted forward as fast as he could run, his vision turning red.

Timed slowed-down as Cathy watched Julie fall down. She wept for a moment cowering in a fetid position. She didn't hear Stevenson at first.

"I said, move it fluffer, unless you want to wind-up a bloody mess like your former companion!" He aimed the gun at Cathy.

Cathy looked-up at Stevenson and a burning anger rose-up within and consumed her. Her sister was dead and that Fudd killed her. She feinted a leap at the Fudd and dodge aside as Stevenson fired into the snow where she had been. In her fury she didn't notice the ground thus hit had turned crimson red. She leapt through the air towards the Fudd with her fangs bared.

Stevenson didn't have time to recock the shotgun, instead, he whipped the stock around and batted Cathy out of the air, but not before she ripped-apart the sleeve of his parka, sending goose-down flying through the air. She landed heavily and plowed into the snow. Stevenson quickly recocked the shotgun and began to turn towards Cathy. In his rush he didn't see the other blur of brown fur come at him from the direction of the barn, which bowled him over and knocked the gun out of his hands.

Stevenson rolled to his feet and sank in the snow, drawing his fire-axe. He saw that it was Major Blake who had bowled him over and slightly relaxed his guard. Blake turned to say something, but instead leaped into the air to the right of Stevenson. Stevenson rolled to his left in reaction as Blake knocked Cathy out of the air who had attempted to leap at the distracted Fudd. The two buns tumbled over each other deep into a snow drift and all was quiet for a moment.

Stevenson hand signalled to two Fudds to carefully make their way over to Julie's body. The snow drift erupted as two brown bunnies broke the surface, the larger holding back the smaller.

(STOMP!) (attempttoclawatother) "Let me at him! He killed Julie!" Cathy screamed and struggled uselessly in Steve's restraining paws.

Steve glared at Stevenson and (STOMP!) so hard that he and Cathy sunk half-way up their torsos in the snow. "Explain why I shouldn't have you court martialed, Corporeal! You were ordered to only scare them with blanks!" (STOMP!) "You killed my daughter!"

Stevenson cringed. "Patients, sir. She'll be alright..." The Fudds checking Julie raised a thumbs-up. "She's just got the wind knocked-out of her from the blast."

"Eugene never said you were going to shoot them directly!" (STOMP!) "You were suppose to use blanks....." He paused as the rest sank in. (confusedfluff) "What do you mean she's alright. You shot her at near point-blank range with a shotgun!"

"No, I didn't," Stevenson carefully picked-up the gun and handed it to Blake to inspect. He snapped his hands back quickly as Cathy tryied to claw at him with her free paw. It wasn't a normal gun. This was a high-powered air paintball gun. "The first shot, sir, was just air. I let a whole CO2 cartridge fire at once, and it successfully simulated a shotgun blast in the snow. You recock the gun to change cartridges. Private Johnson behind you provided the sound effects with the blanks. The second and third shots were just red paintballs. She'll be badly bruised from being hit at such short range, but nothing serious."

Julie stirred slightly and groaned. Blake and Cathy hopped over to Julie and examined her. Julie was splattered from muzzle to tail on one side with red paint. Blake nuzzled her and whispered in her ear.

"Julie, can you hear me?"

Julie stirred for a moment and looked-up. Her vision was blurry and her left side burned in pain. She groaned again as her vision cleared and she saw Steve and Cathy.

"Daddy? Sis?" she coughed weakly. "I've...been shot. It burns so much..." she looked at her side. "Eep! I'm bleeding!" (weakpanicfluff)

Steve chuckled lightly, dabbed a paw in the still wet paint and waved it under her nose. "Only if paint runs in your veins, dear." He glanced back at Stevenson and gave him a 'you're off the hook for now' look.

Cathy calmed-down as if nothing had happened and taunted Julie about her predicament. (gigglefluff) "I'll bet that won't come-out of your fur any time soon...." she drifted-off as Steve's glare bored through her.

"Cathy, you're in no situation to be laughing. You attacked Corporeal Stevenson." Cathy dropped her eyes. Steve cut her off before she could defend herself. "We shall discuss this in your room later." He turned to Cprl Stevenson.

"Crpl, have them taken to their rooms to recover from this lesson. I want a full report on my desk in two hours. I've got some things to explain to my wife."

"Yes, sir," Stevenson saluted and pointed to two of the other Fudds to do as Major Blake requested.

There was a knock on the office door and then SGT Eugene Pomerleau let himself into Steve's office. The pro-Fudd devilbunny looked-up at him from the paperwork on his desk and motioned with a paw for him to take a seat. Eugene sat down and an awkward silence fell for the next two minutes as Steve finished reading the various reports. He then pushed the reports aside and looked at Eugene.

"Explain yourself, Sergeant. Why did you change the plan without my approval."

"Have you read Stevenson's report, sir?" Major Blake nodded. "Then you know Stevenson suggested the paintball gun to provide more realism..."

"That doesn't mean you had permission to change the plan without my approval, last minute or not!"

"Sir neither the troopers nor your daughters were placed into any more danger then they would have under the original plan just to use blanks. Actually, sir, they were in less danger. Blanks at point-blank range have been known to cause serious injuries just from the air concussion created by the blast. Of course we all underestimated Cathy. Since conversion, she's always behaved as the more timid and coolheaded of those two. None of us expected her to go bezerk."

"This past week, troop moral has dropped steadily thanks to your daughters until this incident..."

"I know. Stevenson admitted in his report that he enjoyed 'blasting' Julie into fake oblivion this afternoon. The other Fudds in the group also admitted that they felt a great relief of pressure watching the 'troublemaker' get blasted. However, that doesn't get you off scoff-free, Gene."

"Oh? I may be out-of-line on this one, but I felt you needed a lesson also. What was there to stop any of those we sent-out this afternoon from using real bullets, or supersoakers for that matter? Nothing, except their respect for you. The troops have patients, but its wearing thin, sir."

"My troops respect me..."

"Sir, we both know their respect for you is genuine, but some also fear you, because you are a devilbunny. Your daughters are also devilbunnies, but they are embracing their cuteness wholly and willingly along with the temptations that can come with the it. They may be kits, but they're nearly fully-grown and should know better by now. Some of the troops can ignore their cuteness, but many are dropping their guard ever so slightly to your daughters' cuteness and they don't even realize that they are doing so. Ever since the incident that started all this last fall, even you have shown signs of increased cuteness. I've had to reset your cuton signature in the cuteness geometer coordinator program twice in just the past month."

Steve's jaw dropped. "What???"

"Sir, you've become cuter in the presence and influence of your daughters..."

"And as such, you're beating around the bush, because you're afraid to come-out and say it. You fear all three of us, my daughters and I, are becoming a potential threat to the welfare of this base. Correct?"

Eugene hesitated a moment and finally replied, "Yes."

Steve contemplated in silence a moment. "You may go, Gene. There is much I need to think about and discuss with Carolyn on this matter."

"Sir?"

"Just go." Eugene did so. Blake leaned-back in his bunny-sized chair and closed his eyes in thought, every so often twitching his nose cutely as bunnies do without realizing that he was doing it.

Cathy and Julie sat at the dinner table with their heads downcast. Julie still had red paint on portions of her right side. Steve hopped into the room, followed by Mike and Carolyn who were carrying dinner into the room. Steve said a quick blessing and dinner was served.

Conversation was all but muted during the meal. Cathy and Julie ate little as both had lost their appetites after their ordeal. Julie still hurt where she had been hit by the paintball. The only thing mentioned about the incident was by Steve.

"We shall talk about today, after dinner, in your room."

Both does shuddered, but knew better than to talk back. Carolyn didn't interrupt for she knew all to well what had happened. She had some things of her own to discuss with her husband later that evening. Dinner went quickly after that and Mike helped his mom clear the table as the three buns went upstairs. Steve followed his daughters into their room and closed the door behind him. There was an awkward pause.

"Do you have anything to say for yourselves?" (impatientpawtap)

(mopescuffpawfluff) "We're sorry, Daddy," Julie said.

"Sorry?" (throwpawsinair) "You said you were sorry four times already this week. Steve glared at his two daughters.

"It won't happen again, honest," Cathy replied (tremblefluff).

"You're right, it won't happen again. Stevenson will be using his regular shotgun next time." Steve gazed at his two daughters. "There better not be a next time."

"But he was acting crazy..." Julie stammered.

"He was under orders to bring you in like normal devilbunnies for questioning. You ignored what you were taught and tried to escape. He followed standard procedures."

Julie (blushfluffed) at the accusation.

"You were shot like a normal devilbunny disobeying a surrender order would have been." Steve turned on Cathy. "As for you..."

"But I thought Julie was dead..." Cathy stammered.

Steve (sighfluffed) a moment. "And that made it alright to give in to the evil side, listen to that little voice inside that wants to kill and try and attack an armed man head-on????" He paused a moment. "I've been trying to teach you two how to survive these past few months. This isn't fun and games. This is serious. This isn't like a video game or TV. You only have one life and it would have ended today if Stevenson had been using a real shotgun..." he stammered and tears filled his eyes. "and I would have lost you both."

He (bunnyhugged)* them both as they comforted each other. "There are few Fudds out there who know about us. Most wouldn't hesitate to kill you on sight. You have to obey their orders if they don't know you and order you to surrender."

"Also, I don't want you setting-off the cuteness detection network on purpose again." he whispered. "It's like in the old fairy tail about the boy who cried wolf too often. By setting-off the cuteness geometers, you are causing those on this base who work to protect all of us to drop their guard. Promise me you'll try hard not to do it again."

His two daughters looked at him and sincerely replied they would do so.

"And to make sure you don't forget and to reduce the temptation, Mom will have extra chores for you two to do for the rest of the week."

Julie and Cathy sighed, but didn't protest, though they did (poutfluffed) cutely.

Steve chuckled quietly, (bunnyhugged)* them again, said goodnight, and let himself out of the room.

Steve was tense and wound-up when he hopped into bed that evening. Since his recovery from the incident in New Brunswick, he slept on a pillow next to his wife, but above the sheets, citing that his fur kept him too warm under them. Carolyn saw the tension in Steve's body and rolled-over and began to give him a thurough rub-down. Steve began to relax.

"Those two are going to kill me yet," he commented quietly.

"There, there, dear. It's not your fault. They need a motherly figure..."

Steve (astonishfluffed). "And what are you, then?"

Carolyn sighed. "Not the type of motherly figure two growing bunnies need."

Something nagged at the back of Steve's mind, but he just stretched in silence as Carolyn continued to rub-down his back. She then tickled him behind his left ear, something she had discovered that Steve liked very much during these past two months. Steve relaxed greatly and his rear right paw began to thump slightly involuntarily. Carolyn giggled quietly and changed the subject all of a sudden, or so it seemed.

"How come you don't sleep with me any more, dear?"

Dread filled Steve's mind. They had been through this several times before. "What do you mean? We sleep in the same bed..."

Carolyn gave him that know-all look. "You know what I mean, why do you sleep on top of the covers?"

"To protect you..."

"Protect me from what? From the 'evil monster' you've become? I've heard it all before, and it's rather thin."

"I don't want to give you this disease...look at what it's done to our daughters..."

"There's nothing wrong with our two daughters, they're both beautiful and healthy for rabbits. I've had several conversations with Dr. Matthews. You're not as dangerous as you think. The only documented cases of bunnyvirus are through injection with the disease or through bunny-bite...."

"And I could accidentally bite you in my sleep. With the sheets between us..."

"With those teeth, these sheets aren't really any protection. I'm not afraid. Don't tell my you've forgotten your vows: 'To love, cherish, and protect 'til death do you part'."

"But.."

"I'm not afraid of the risks." She paused for a moment. "If you make me a promise, I'll drop the subject. When you first returned to me you mentioned that there were some scientists who thought they might be able to change you back..."

"Yes..."

"Contact them and give it a try. As for Julie and Cathy, they're nearly full-grown, as far as I'm concerned, it's up to them whether or not they wish to risk it also...."

"But it might fail or worse..."

"That's why you're going to give me a promise. If they fail, when you return, you're going to bite me."

(STOMP!) "I can't do that. You'd turn into a devilbunny."

"Exactly. Like I said July and Cathy need a real mother figure...a bunny mother figure. I can't provide them with that as a human. I've been thinking about this since soon after you were released from the hospital."

"What about Matt? He needs a mother too."

"Not as much as he needs a father..."

There was a pause. "I can't do that..."

"You infected Cathy."

(embarasseddejectedfluff) "That was differant. She was dying, there was no choice there."

Carolyn gave Steve a wry little grin. "What's to stop me from placing some portion of my body in your mouth while you're asleep and slamming your muzzle down, making you bite me?"

"You wouldn't..."

"If that is what it would take to better care for my children and to bring back that which is missing between us, I would." She hugged Steve who didn't protest much. She sighed. "You're right, I wouldn't. I know you'd blame yourself and sulk for weeks like you did after Cathy and that would break my heart." She set him down again. "Of course there's one way around this promise." She gave him a knowing smile and rubbed a vacant spot under the sheets next to her.

"But the risk.." (halfheartedprotestfluff)

Carolyn shushed Steve. "Is my wittle loverbuck afwaid of his wife?" (mockglare) She touched his nose with her finger. "Or is there another woman in your life?"

Steve (exasperatefluff). "You know there is no other."

"Then prove it..." she snagged him up in an embrace and smothered his muzzle in a minute-long kiss. Steve melted away...

Early the following morning, Steve awoke next to his wife. His fur was matted and he was wet. He was right, it was too hot under the sheets. As for Carolyn, she stirred in her sleep next to him. She was still human, showing no visible signs of bunnyvirus.