Fluffy Chef

First posted to alt.devilbunnies 10-19 April, 2002.
©2002 by Scott Bernier, except segments involving Poppy Bunny which are also copyright by her author, 'Thena'.
First HTML-ized 21 April, 2002 by Scott Bernier.

Return to Scott's Stories Homepage.

Author's Notes

[alt.dbs OFF]
Author's notes:

With absolutely no apologies to Fuji TV or its television series, 'Iron Chef'. Those with weak stomachs, be forewarned, like the original, this parody will get a bit gory in places. You can blame Bill Wade for introducing me to the original. Who else but a Fourier would get a kick out of this style of cooking show.

Since this show is broadcast on a fluffy network, any author who wants their fluffy characters to react to the show (but only the show!) can do so as they wish. Storywise, the broadcast takes place on Easter Vigil, but you know how RL can get in the way of things and thus the delay. Thena's DiV series ends timeline-wise before this starts (honestfluff).

A big thank you to Thena/Poppy for reviewing this and for her participation in the wrap around.

[alt.dbs ON]

Return to the

PROLOGUE

(Thursday before Easter)

[Light rap]

Jerry's ears perked up. He had never heard anybun knock on his door like that before. At least not at DEWComm. The backs of paws tend to be more tender on a bunny then on other species, so bunnies usually scratch rather then knock. This part of the warren was bunny-scale, so it couldn't be a symp at the door. He stared at the door briefly wondering who it could be. The visitor knocked again.

[Light rap]

Jerry shifted the papers on his desk aside. "Enter."

The door swung inward and Jerry stared at a younger version of himself: peppery gray pelt with crimson streaks in the forepaws. The young buck had a wicked grin on his muzzle.

"Hello Dad."

"Jerome?!" Jerry couldn't believe his eyes. He hadn't seen any of his litter he had sired with FluffyTeacher in nearly a year. And none of them had ever come to Maine. He always had to go out to DenverWarren to see them.

Jerome (noddled) and Jerry leapt at him, barreling him over in a mutual (bunnyhug). "Frith, I missed you and the others!" He paused a moment as they untangled themselves. "Where are your sisters, brother, and mother? I invited all of you for Easter."

Jerome sagged his shoulders ever so slightly. "I tried to convince them to come, father. But you know mom. She's always so busy. And the others..." (scuffpaw) "They're too use to the big warren. Remember that field trip we all went on to one of the outskirt warrens near Aurora and how they were bored to death..."

Jerry's ears drooped. "I remember. How can I compete against DenverWarren?" (shrugfluff) "Come, let's go see if we can get you some guest quarters for the duration of your stay."

"I hope to have something a little more permanent then guest quarters, father. I hope to stay awhile."

"Really?"

Jerome (noddled). "I'm tired of the big warren. I recalled all those stories you told us on your visits about this place and I needed to see it. I need a change." He paused a moment. "Who knows, maybe I'll stay."

(gigglefluff) "More like you realized that there were too many other fish to compete against in that large pond you came from."

(shrugglefluff) "Perhaps. But we'll see." (wink)

The two bucks rounded the corner and ran into Mariel. She stared at the two of them a moment and blinked. She then rubbed her eyes and blinked again. "Am I seeing double?" (confusedfluff)

Jerry (gigglefluff)ed yet again. "Yes and no, Mariel. This is my eldest son, Jerome. He's going to be staying with us a while. Jerome, this is Mariel." Before Jerry can say more the pink pager on his utility belt started to vibrate. (sighfluff) "I'm afraid I'm needed. Mariel...Mariel?"

Mariel broke off her stare at Jerome and turned to Jerry. "Hmm?" (blink, blink) "Sorry, Unca Jerry, what?"

"I'm needed on warren business. Could you show Jerome to some quarters."

"Sure thing!" (suppressedexcitedfluff)

"Father has told me a lot about you..." the conversation faded off as Jerry hopped back to his office to answer his page.

"...and here we are at your burrow, just around the corner from mine." Mariel pawed the keypad and the door opens. "You can reprogram the lock code on the inside touch pad."

"Thank you, Mariel. I appreciate the tour. It is much smaller then home, but it seems roomier at the same time." Jerome (bunnyhugged) Mariel briefly. "You'll forgive me if I call it an early night. It's been a long trip." Jerome closed the door behind himself.

Mariel stared forlornly at the closed door for several minutes with huge bunny eyes. Eventually, she (sighfluffed) and moved on.

Return to the

ONE

"Everything seems to be in place, Cookie," Mariel stated as she fluffed up the sitting pillows one last time and then double checked the three foot wide flatscreen digital TV monitor mounted on the wall. She checked the recordable DVD player again. Yup, blank CD ready to be burned.

Cookie hopped about nervously. Mariel had never seen her in this state before. "Where is everybun?"

"They'll be here. They've still got ten minutes before the show starts." Mariel turned the monitor on and flipped through the various BUNTV cable channels until she found the BunnyFood Network.

Just then Jerry and Jerome entered. Mariel squealed with delight and bunnyhugs both, holding onto Jerome a little longer then Jerry. "Cookie was worried sick that you two were going to be late." Mariel glanced over her shoulder at Cookie. "That should be everybun now, right?"

"What about your father, Mariel?"

(droopears) "He's tied up making final preparations for tomorrow. That's one of the reasons we're recording the show, remember?"

Cookie seemed slightly distracted as she glanced at the doorway again. "Yes, that's right. Then I guess that's everyone."

"Find a seat, it's starting!" Mariel cried out as she hit the remote to start the DVD in record mode. She quickly settled down, snuggling up next to Jerome.

Return to the

TWO

You are watching BunnyFood TV, available only on BUNIX encrypted cable and satellite systems!

[Plain black screen. White lettering appears on the black background.]

"Tell me who you ate and I'll tell you what kind of bun you are."
BRILBUN-SAVARIN

[In the upper right corner, a pink pig with the number 13 over it and the word GORE appears briefly. As the pig fades out, awe inspiring theme music from 'Backdraft' begins to play. Scene fades in from black to reveal a huge kitchen.]

[English voice over] Built over a decade ago by this bun...[picture of a svelte looking buck dressed as a dandy]...Kaga. Lover of fine cuisine, Kaga used his bunsonal fortune to bring his dream to life, Kitchen Warren, a huge cooking arena where devilbunny chefs can go muzzle-to-muzzle to create new and delectable treats in a race against the clock. He searched the country for the absolute best in gourmet cooking and placed them in charge of his now renowned Fluffy Gourmet Academy. He has dubbed them his Fluffy Chefs, the invincible buns of culinary skills!

[Pictures of the Fluffy Chefs all looking very seriously at the camera in different poses with knives, claws, and/or food items.]

Fluffy Chef French is Hithermago Suki.
Fluffy Chef Chinese is Chun Kepoofchi.
And Fluffy Chef Japanese is Hopsaharu Clawimoto

Kitchen Warren is the arena where Fluffy Chefs await the challenge of master bun chefs from warrens all over the world. [Scenes of various bunny chefs hopping into Kitchen Warren with the flags representing their warren and/or nationality.] The challenger and the Fluffy Chef have one hour to tackle the theme ingredient of the day. [Various scenes of chefs cooking furiously in Kitchen stadium.] Using all their senses, skills, and creativity, they are to prepare artistic dishes never tasted before. A group of guest judges presides over their creations and selects which is the best using several categories including eye appeal and taste. And in the event that a challenger should actually defeat the Fluffy Chef, [Scene shows a challenger being bunnyhugged by Fluffy Chef Suki] he will gain the devilbunnies' fame and ovation forever! In every battle reputations are on the line in Kitchen Warren where master bun chefs pit their artistic creations against each other. What inspiration will the challenger bring and how will the Iron Chef meet that challenge? The heat will be on!

[Kaga's voice in Japanese with English subtitles--various pictures of food, warrens and rabbits]

"Watakushi no kiooku ga tashika naraba..." If memory serves me right, unlike here in Japan, the war against the Fudd Monkeys still wages on in the United States of America. On one of the front lines of that war, there is a small warren in the far northeastern corner of America in the state of Maine where the first lights of Frith's dawn touches that nation...

[Pictures of Maine's rocky coast, woods, hills, and tourist spots including Acadia National Park and LL Fluff^H^H^H^H^HBean.]

"...That warren is DownEast Warren Command or DEWComm. This small warren has recently gained fame after several battles against the Fudds, with their buns all but defeating the local unit of the Fudd monkeys in late 1999.

[Scenes of Fudds and devilbunnies clashing.]

"Ah, but this warren was well known in the fluffy culinary world long before this by it's former name, Cherryfield Warren. It is the home of today's challenger, Cookie Lightclaws. Chef Lightclaws' down home American-style cooking with a hint of French influence is renown throughout North America.

[Scenes of several different American-style dishes being prepared by Cookie, all of which would make any viewing bun drool at the sight of these delectable goodies.]

"Chef Lightclaws had humble beginnings. She was born of beta parents. At around eight months of age, she escaped an attack by Fudds on her home warren. [Scenes from Devilbunnies™ the Movie] Her parents were not so lucky. She resettled in Cherryfield Warren where she survived by learning to be self-reliant and resourceful. She taught herself how to cook, remembering the wonderful home cooked meals her mother served before her death and out of necessity as she raised her siblings by herself. Sadly, Chef Lightclaws is alone now as all of her siblings joined the militia to avenge their parents' death only to die themselves in various campaigns against the Fudd monkeys.

"But they live on in Chef Lightclaws' memory and in her heart. Whenever bunnies visit the warren from elsewhere, she shares memories, meals, recipes and cooking techniques with any and all who are willing. It is through these experiences that she has become the master chef she is today.

"Chef Lightclaws does not believe in cooking for just the elite, but for the masses, which is fitting with her background. She has written over a half-dozen cookbooks for both beginning cooks and experts. Her weekly cooking column appears in daily bunny newspapers from coast to coast in the United States. When I saw her in action on a tour promoting her latest book, I knew this doe was *worthy* of my Kitchen Warren.

[Scene changes to a view of Cookie Lightclaws being interviewed.]

"When I received the invitation to be a challenger on 'Fluffy Chef', at first, I was insulted!" (STOMP!) "Gourmet cooking is a waste. Waste of time, waste of resources and furthers divides the various classes of devilbunnies between the haves and the have-nots. We should be uniting together against our common enemy, not fighting each other! I don't just want the alphas of alphas raving over my creations. I want all devilbunnydom to enjoy my cooking. I almost shredded my invitation, but then after long meditation..." [The scene changes to show Cookie looking out over the rolling Atlantic Ocean from the high cliffs of the Cutler Public Reserve in far Down East Maine as the sun rises over the ocean.] "...I decided I would accept the invitation. I would appear on 'Fluffy Chef' and show those amateurs what *REAL* good cooking is like." (indigentfluff, STOMP!)

"So, Chef Cookie Lightclaws of Cherryfield Warren, aka DownEast Warren Command, my Fluffy Chefs are mere amateurs? (narrowseyes) We *SHALL* see."

[Scene switches back to Kaga in Kitchen Warren. He gazes over the warren. Then, he looks down at a tray of vegetables and picks a ripe yellow bell pepper. He bites into it with a loud crunch and (fangygrins) for the camera while the theme music blares on. The camera pans back showing Kitchen Warren filled with chef buns. Fade to Japanese characters with 'Fluffy Chef' in red in the lower left corner.]

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

Return to the

THREE

"Great fluffin' Frith!" (STOMP!) Jerry slapped the pink vibrating pager at his side. "At least they had the sense to call me during a commercial." (apologeticpoofle) "You'll forgive me, Cookie. I'll be back as soon as I can." Jerry hopped out.

Mariel wiped tears from her eyes. "I never knew, Cookie. I didn't know the Fudds had...had..."

"It's alright, hon. They live on in here." Cookie taped her chest over her fluffy heart.

As the bunmover slowed to a stop and the door opened, Poppy leapt out and darted down the warren tunnels. She knew she was late. She hoped she hadn't missed much and that Cookie would forgive her. Thank Frith, the door was open. Inside she heard conversations. Poppy poked her head in.

"Poppy!" Cookie exclaimed as she leapt up and welcomed her new guest.

"Sorry I'm late."

"You haven't missed much, just the opening sequence."

(droopears) "Then I missed your bio."

"You didn't miss much, Poppy. Fortunately, Mariel is recording the show."

"Hi ya, Poppy! Glad you could make it, despite your busy schedule." Mariel touched noses with her friend.

"Same here."

Meanwhile, Jerome stared at Poppy the same way Mariel had stared at him a few days earlier.

"Hi ya, Jerry!" (bunnyhug) Poppy embraced Jerome. Jerome held on a little longer suppressing the urge to (boink).

"Shhhh. It's starting again!" Mariel stated as she snuggled down again next to Jerome on the side opposite from Poppy.

Jerry hopped in soon after and it was Poppy's turn to do a double take. Jerome gave her a sheepish (fangygrin) and (shrugfluffed).

Return to the

FOUR

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

The scene switches to Kitchen Warren with Kaga Bunkeshi sitting at the top of a podium. He (bowfluffs) to polite applause holding up his forepaws for silence. He speaks in Japanese, English subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen.

"Today's challenger does not consider herself a gourmet chef, but once you try her creations, you shall see she is, indeed, a master chef of the highest caliber. She is very talented having taught herself to cook in her home warren in the United States. Her specialty is American-style cuisine with a hint of French influence. She thinks my Fluffy Chefs are a bunch of" (narrowseyes) "amateurs. Let's see how wrong she is." (poofle) "So let's bring her on. I present to you today's challenger, Chef of DownEast Warren Command, Cookie Lightclaws!"

Fluffy Chef theme music ('Backdraft' soundtrack) plays in the background as Cookie hops through some curtains and into Kitchen Warren followed by the flags of the State of Maine [somebun with a sharp eye might notice that there is a large rabbit in place of the moose on this version of the state flag] and the United States. Bunkeshi hops down and greets her. She (curtseyfluffs) and bows to Master Bunkeshi. He bows to her in turn.

[In subtitles] "It is an honor to have you with us, Chef Lightclaws."

"I look forward to the challenge, Master Bunkeshi," Cookie replies with no emotion.

[In subtitles] "Then it is time to choose who you will challenge today....Yomigaru Fluffy Chef!" Arise, Fluffy Chef! (STOMP!)

[Commentator voice over with 'Fluffy Chef' theme music in background while the three Fluffy Chefs rise up via way of hidden trap doors in front of their portraits on the back wall of Kitchen Warren.] "Master Bunkeshi has summoned his Fluffy Chefs! Who will the challenger choose?" The camera focuses on each bun in question as their names are mentioned. "Will it be Fluffy Chef Chinese, Chun Kepoofchi? Fluffy Chef French, Hithermago Suki? Or Fluffy Chef Japanese, Hopsaharu Clawimoto?"

[In subtitles] "Which Fluffy Chef will you challenge today, Chef Lightclaws."

In a very calm, serious tone of voice, Cookie replies, "All three."

Master Bunkeshi along with the three Fluffy Chefs are stunned into silence.

"In an unprecedented move, Chef Lightclaws attempts to challenge all three Fluffy Chefs at once!" the commentator screams excitedly. "Will Master Bunkeshi allow this?"

[In subtitles] "I am sorry, Chef Lightclaws, you must challenge only one Fluffy Chef."

Cookie sits back and remains silent a moment shaking her head negatively. "No. I will challenge all three Fluffy Chefs. I don't care if I must face each separately or all together. I only need half a kitchen, I can share with one of them, and the other two may have the other kitchen. I will still bake circles around all three." (notsomodestfurripple)

The Bunkeshi glances at the three Fluffy Chefs who look to one another and nod slightly. [In subtitles] "Very well, it shall be as you wish, Chef Lightclaws! Chef Kepoofchi you will share Chef Lightclaws' kitchen."

"I don't believe this!" The commentator barks out. "This will be a match to remember. Never before has a challenger tried to take on all three Fluffy Chefs at once! This will be an exciting battle! Master Bunkeshi will now unveil today's theme ingredient. Remember, the theme ingredient must be used in all dishes prepared for judging."

[In subtitles] "I have thought long and hard to come up with today's theme ingredient. I was at a loss for something...something that would be worthy of one of such caliber as today's challenger. Then I heard about a small revolt at Saki Warren...so let's get on with it...

"Kyoo no temu wa kore desu..." [In subtitles] Today's theme ingredient is...

Bunkashi pulls a sheet off a huge cauldron in front of him as opera-like music plays. The day's theme ingredient rises out of the cauldron as fog rolls off the edges. Chittering can be heard as the fog clears to reveal a cage full of... "Black tree rat!"

"This is going to be an interesting challenge!" the commentator roars. "It is said that Japanese black tree rat is more delicate and lighter in flavor then their American cousins. Bred for years to encourage loyalty, many Japanese devilbunny warrens are proud of their stock of black tree rat servants. Those warrens that have them cherish them. It is unheard of to cook them, unless they rebel. And rebellions are rare among this breed. Unfortunately, this group foolishly tried just that. And by warren law in Japan, if one rebels, all must die. This could be the only time the Fluffy Chefs may ever have so many to prepare at once!"

Kaga stands up on his hindpaws in back of the theme ingredient and waves his forepaws in the air outward away from his body and cries, "Allez cuisine!!!" [In subtitles] To the kitchen! A gong sounds. In the lower right corner of the screen, Black Tree Rat Battle appears in green lettering. It will appear briefly from time to time throughout the rest of the show.

"Master Bunkeshi has sounded the gong to begin! All four chefs race to the podium and grab cages full of choice black tree rats."

[In subtitles] (chatter) "Spare us! We have served you faithfully!" (pleadflick)

"Chef Lightclaws is the first back to her kitchen with a dozen tree rats. What is she doing?" (pausefluff) "It looks like she's preparing boiling water."

Cookie yanks four tree rats out and chops their heads off in quick succession. An assistant quickly places the heads in a freezer to chill. She immediately dips the still quivering bodies in boiling water with tongs and then passes the bodies under cold running water, effectively removing the fur. She then quickly guts the four squirrels and splits open the stomachs and lays the chewed nuts within on cheesecloth. She then tosses the four still twitching squirrel bodies into a portable Spam-o-Matic™ and hits the ON switch.

"It looks like she's spamming those tree rats."

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"I've quickly asked Chef Lightclaws what she's up to. She replied, '(pleadfluff) Call me Cookie. I'm going to use those first four squirrels to make Acadian-style Too-Chay..' OW!"

"Chef Lightclaws just thumped Fangto, our bun on the scene. Now she appears to be scolding him and holding his muzzle as he squirms. He's talking to us again. What was that all about, Fangto?"

"I mispronounced her dish. It's Acadian-style Tourtiere pie. A traditional French meat pie made with equal amounts of two different kinds of ground meat, usually monkey mixed with either pig, or cow meat and potatoes combined with spices, baked in a flaky pastry crust. She's going to use tree rat as one of the meats this time around." The camera angle changes to show an assistant rolling out pie dough. "She's chilling the squirrel heads for another dish, but won't say more at this time. This is incredible! Cookie is moving around Fluffy Chef Kepoofchi as she works and has remained out of his way. I asked him what he felt about this and he said he was impressed. She is graceful as a figure skater."

The camera angle changes to show Fluffy Chef Kepoofchi deboning and then chopping up a squirrel using a chef's knife in each forepaw, pounding the knives against the cutting board in rapid staccato. Nearby an assistant prepares something within a bamboo steamer. In the background, one of the remaining black squirrels within Cookie's cage continues to plead for his life in Japanese while the rest chitter to themselves, eyes closed, bowing every once in a while.

Camera angle changes again to show the other half of the stadium where the other two Fluffy Chefs are fast at work. A female voice cries out, echoing, "Fifty minutes to go."

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

Return to the

FIVE

As soon as the commercial started, Poppy sat up and mock glared at Jerome. Jerry (gigglefluffed). "I see you've met my son, Jerome, Poppy. He is the eldest of the litter I sired a few years back with Fluffyteacher. He's also the only one so far to come from Denverwarren and visit his old buck."

Poppy looked from Jerry to Jerome and back. "Yes, he had me fooled when I arrived during the last commercial. I mistook him for you." She looked coyly towards Jerome. "But I should have known something was up the way he bunnyhugged." (wigglewink)

Jerome hid a slight blush under his fur. "Who am I to argue if some beautiful doe hops in and calls me Jerry?" Jerome turned to his father. "Are all the does around here this open and affectionate? I could get to like this." (fangygrin)

Poppy batted him across the ears, not roughly, but who could tell if it was playfully - or just softly so as to not upset her hosts?

Again, Jerry (gigglefluffed) quietly. "I'm glad you could make it, Poppy."

(thanksfluff) "I'm so sorry I was late. The council meeting ran late last night, getting Sycamore and Larch to promise they wouldn't kill each other if I left Larch in charge for a few days while I was gone," Poppy rufflefluffed apologetically.

"You left Larch in charge?" Jerry asked, wondering if he had misheard her.

(pawy-wave) "You know how it is when you're in office, Jerry. I couldn't just fluff off and leave," Poppy answered. "It had to be either Larch or Sycamore and Sycamore has too many friends. I might not have a warren when I got back if I let him run things (fangygrin)."

Jerry's eyes grew wide for every so brief a moment. "You're in charge of the council?"

Poppy (noddled). "Didn't Cookie tell you?"

Cookie's ears drooped. "It totally slipped my mind, Poppy." (besidesfluff) "I figured you'd tell Jerry and the others yourself."

There was a brief pause. "Well then," Jerry stated, "depending on how you feel about politics, Poppy, my congratulations or my condolences." Jerry (fangygrinned). "Before you head back to Seattlewarren, I'd like you to stop by my office so we can talk shop. There are things that I should share with you, one warren leader to another. In the meantime," Jerry pointed to the monitor, "the show's starting again."

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SIX

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

"As all three Fluffy Chefs and the challenger work at preparing their masterpieces, let's meet today's guest judge panel." [Various comments from the guest judges, all buns of various prominence in Japan.]

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"The challenger has just chopped up another tree rat, bones and all. She's placed it in a baking dish." (Camera hovers over a baking dish sitting on top of a burner) "And to this she has added carrots, onions, garlic and" (pausefluff) "Snapple (tm)! She's added Snapple™ and it's starting to boil."

"Snapple™ did you say?"

"Peach Snapple™!"

"Boy, this could be interesting. What do you think Chef Lightclaws it up to? Some sort of broth or soup base?" (Crash!) Camera pans over to the other kitchen to show both Fluffy Chefs in a tangle on the floor with food spread out all around and over them. "Whoa! Looks like there's been a collision."

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"In their excitement, neither Fluffy Chef Clawimoto nor Fluffy Chef Suki noticed where each other were as they turned from their food prep and slammed head on into each other. Their dishes have gone flying across the floor! What a mess!"

"They'll need to be more careful!" (gigglefluff) "That's the sort of thing you'd expect a couple of apprentices to do, not Fluffy Chefs!"

A female voice echoes, "Forty-five minutes to go!"

"With only forty-five minutes to go, all four chefs are scramb..."

"TRAITOR!" Cookie howls at the top of her lungs and extends her claws. (SNICK!) "HOW DARE YOU!" (SNARL!) The symp assigned as one of her two assistants takes two steps back only to find the other assistant, a buck looking at him with a puzzled expression on his muzzle, not knowing what to do.

[In subtitles] "SILENCE!" (STOMP!) Bunkeshi leaps up from his seat on the podium and stomps his hind paws in succession. "What is this all about?!"

Cookie points to the human with hatred in her eyes. "That monkey has tried to poison us and sabotage my cooking!" (STOMP!) "Look in his left hand!"

The other assistant gives the human a glare, slowly extending his claws. The human in turn, bows his head and opens the hand in question to reveal a bottle of pure vanilla extract.

(STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!) "Stop the clock! Guards!"

"This is unprecedented! Master Bunkeshi has never ordered the clock stopped. All three Fluffy Chefs have stopped what they are doing and are staring in surprise at Master Bunkeshi."

"Master Bunkeshi," Cookie speaks, as the traitor symp is hauled to one side of the stadium, stripped naked, and placed in a cage. "I will not begrudge it if you permit Chefs Clawimoto and Suki to clean-up their accident before you restart the clock."

"Didn't I tell you this was going to be like no other battle!" the commentator yells.

[In subtitles] "You are generous, Chef Lightclaws. Granted! Though it may cost you the match." The two chefs give (thankfluffs) as they scramble to clean-up the mess as Cookie's remaining assistant directs a haz-met team to remove the boiling, poisoned cooking pan from the stove and haul it away. "How did you catch the traitor monkey, Chef Lightclaws?"

"I didn't, he," Cookie points to the black squirrel who has been pleading for his life the most, "yelled a warning to me. I don't understand much Japanese, but I know vanilla extract in many."

"I saved your life, Lightclaws-san!" the squirrel cries in Japanese and a translator passes onto Cookie in English. "Please spare mine!" (pleadflick)

"You wish to live and serve me?"

The black squirrel pauses for the translation and starts nodding its head furiously and bows to Cookie chanting in Japanese he would do so over and over again. Cookie looks to Master Bunkeshi and points at the traitor symp with an eartip. "With your permission."

Bunkeshi nods, fangygrinning, anticipating what is about to happen.

"What is your name, tree rat?"

The squirrel mutters something long and hard to pronounce in Japanese.

Cookie shakes her head negatively. "Not anymore. You are now known as," (pausefluff) "Fisher."

The squirrel bows his head and pronounces the name as Fisssrr.

"Close enough. For your first task, you will execute the monkey for his treasonous acts." (STOMP!)

"I don't believe this!" the commentator yells again. "Never has a Fluffy Chef nor a challenger granted a stay against the theme ingredient. It is unheard of! What other surprises will the challenger provide for us!"

Guardbuns pick-up Fisher's cage and carry it towards the traitor symp's cage.

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

Return to the

SEVEN

[PiG-13 Warning, those with a weak stomach for gore may wish to skip this segment.]

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

"Welcome back to Kitchen Warren where history is being made. Today's challenger, Chef Cookie Lightclaws of DownEast Warren Command has challenged all three Fluffy Chefs at once, an unprecedented event! The symp assistant assigned to her has been caught as a traitor after he tried to poison one of the challenger's dishes! Master Bunkeshi has stopped the countdown clock, something he has never done before while guardbuns deal with the traitor who has been locked-up in a cage on the right side of Kitchen Warren. Meanwhile Chefs Clawimoto and Suki have had a collision on their side of the warren, spilling their partially completed creations all over the kitchen. Chef Lightclaws has shown her generous spirit by requesting that they be allowed to clean-up while the clock is stopped and Master Bunkeshi has granted her request! Finally, Chef Lightclaws has granted a stay of execution against one of the black tree rats who had spotted the traitorous monkey's act and has renamed him Fisher. Fisher has now been ordered to execute the traitor monkey, who is obviously a Fudd plant!"

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"While the guards carried Fisher's cage toward to the monkey's cage, I asked him, if he is scared? He answered, 'Not as much as I was when I was placed on the menu." Fangto (gigglefluffs). "He concluded, 'I will not disappoint Mistress Lightclaws-san. Fisssrr will serve her well.'"

"There goes a brave and loyal tree rat. The guards are now opening the door between the two cages and Fisher is scrambling out."

On camera, the human glares at the squirrel as the two circle each other.

[Subtitles--obviously a worse then usual translation for the American audience] "Come on, bunny toadie, leap for me. I'll snatch you out of the air and swing you about by your tail against these bars! You think only rabbits can prepare tree rat for dinner?"

[The voice of one of the guest judges dubbed over the scene of the two combatants circle each other in the cage.] "I love this. Not only are we going to be served incredible food from four wonderful chefs, we get live entertainment as an appetizer!"

Fisher ducks left and leaps right. The human fails to catch him as he flies by and lightly scratches the human's left arm. The squirrel rebounds off the bars on the far side of the cage and leaps between the human's bare legs and bites hard into one of his testicles. The human howls in a high pitched voice and drops to his knees. Fisher scrambles out of reach as the human reaches down between his legs with both hands. The squirrel leaps again at the now bared throat and grabs on with his tiny sharp claws and starts nipping him with his chisel incisors again and again until blood squirts forth freely. Fisher leaps back, covered in blood as the human falls backwards, gurgling, blood frothing from his mouth. Fisher keeps his distance as the human thrashes a couple times and then lays still with a pool of blood forming around its head. Fisher turns back to face towards Cookie and bows once flicking his tail slightly.

A different guest judge cries out, "The tree rat did it! He killed the fudd monkey!" (excitedfluff) "Look out, Fisher!"

While Fisher is bowing, the human struggles up onto his knees and flops forward on top of Fisher. An audible crunch follows as the human smothers the squirrel with only his tail protruding from under the human. It twitches twice and then lays still. Guards rush into the cage. One turns back towards Bunkeshi.

"Both are dead, Master. The tree rat was crushed under the weight of the monkey."

Cookie droops her ears. "What a shame. I had always dreamed of having a loyal squirrel of my own. May Frith watch over his soul."

Master Bunkeshi bows and all fall silent a brief moment.

Cookie breaks the silence. "I intend to use some of that human in my dishes, part of one leg," she glances at the remaining squirrels in the cage sizing each up as they cringe back, "two and a half toes and one hand with the fingers attached." Cookie looks to the three Fluffy Chefs, "you're welcome to the rest of the monkey if you wish."

Again Master Bunkeshi fluffs approval. "I see that Chef Clawimoto and Chef Suki are ready to resume cooking. I shall reset the clock in fairness to all." Master Bunkeshi slams the gong again. "Resume!"

"Master Bunkeshi has reset the clock! This is unbelievable! There were forty-five minutes left to go before the traitor monkey interfered, but Master Bunkeshi has restarted the clock at sixty minutes! Why!?"

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"I have just asked Master Bunkeshi that very question. His response, 'This is my stadium. I make the rules. This was a clear case of interference. The chefs should not be penalized for that interference. (STOMP!)'"

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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EIGHT

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

"Welcome back to Kitchen Warren. Master Bunkeshi has restarted the clock at 60 minutes after a symp traitor tried to sabotage one of the challenger's dishes. The symp assistants to the three Fluffy Chefs have all been removed from Kitchen Stadium and replaced with devilbunnies to ensure no further interference occurs." Different camera angles show all four chefs hard at work. The various scenes focus onto Chef Clawimoto. "What's this? It appears that Chef Clawimoto is preparing sushi. Tree rat sushi?"

"Koy-san?!"

"Yes!"

"Yes, indeed, Chef Clawimoto is preparing sushi rolls." Camera pans across the kitchen counter to show a bowl of cooked, sweetened rice and other ingredients. "He is combining shaved, raw tree rat meat with red snapper, mixing this with sweetened sushi rice and rolling it in nori in the traditional way."

"Oooohhhh, red snapper. Wish him good luck for me. So, tree rat and red snapper sushi. This is going to be quite the dish!" (wipesdroolfrommuzzle) "Pardon me! What is Chef Suki doing?" Camera pans over to the bun in question who is hovering over one of the propane burners on the stove, placing fresh sliced mushrooms, truffles and squirrel parts in a shallow baking dish with water in it. The water starts to boil and Chef Suki liberally sprays the pan with cooking wine which flames up for the camera. "Looks like he's...well...perhaps a sauce base?"

"Koy-san?!"

"Yes!"

"Chef Suki has placed chunks of tree rat along with onions, mushrooms, truffles and snails in that pan with a little water. He has brought this to a boil and as you just saw he has liberally added cooking sherry to it. I asked him what he was up to and he just shooed me away saying he didn't have time to explain." (shrugfluff)

"I would guess he's going to boil that down and strain it later to make a sauce or soup base, but we'll see. What is Chef Kepoofchi up to?" Camera view switches over to the other side of the stadium to show Chef Kepoofchi dipping chunks of tree rat in tempura batter and dropping the pieces in a wok filled with hot oil. "It appears he's frying tree rat in tempura batter."

"Koy-san!?"

"Yes!"

"That's exactly what Chef Kepoofchi is doing, but this isn't plain tree rat meat. As you can see," the camera pans over the counter, "he has ground the tree rat meat and mixed it with some Korean chili paste. He's rolled this into small meatballs and it is these he has dipped in the tempura and is now frying. It appears he's going to make Hot and Sour Tree Rat," (pausefluff) "balls or something like that." Camera pans over to another wok. "As you can see, one of his assistants is now stir-frying some tree rat pieces with scallions, bok chow, lemon grass and what looks like...cashews."

"It looks like Chef Kepoofchi is using a combination of Asian influences and not just Chinese in his creation. How's the challenger doing?" Camera shifts to show Cookie and her two assistants finishing up on the pies and moving them to the oven. "There are only three judges and Master Bunkeshi, why is she making that big pie in addition to the four little ones?"

"Koy-san?!"

"Yes!"

"I asked Cookie that very question a short time ago. She answered, 'I thought I had made myself very clear before all this started. I don't cook just for a select group of rabbits. I cook for everybunny.' She's cooking enough Acadian Too-chay so that everybun, the camerabuns, the guardbuns, you, and I, can all sample her cooking. She apologizes that she can not do this with all her dishes today as there are not enough tree rats for her to do so. By the way, the monkey leg that she asked for earlier she ground down and used in place of the cow meat she was going to use in the pie."

"Tree rat and monkey mixed together? Sounds a bit nutty to me! Now what is she doing?" Camera angle shows Cookie stuffing a skinned tree-rat with moist breadcrumbs and two of the monkey toes. She stuffs the half toe in it's mouth like one would do with an apple in a boar's mouth. She then lays the squirrel on a large fig leaf and covers it with a second. Around this she starts covering the whole thing with a thick yellow paste with the help of an assistant.

"Koy-san?!"

"Yes!"

"The challenger just stuffed that tree rat with two monkey toes and breadcrumbs spiced with fresh ground savory and sage moistened with peach Snapple™. She then covered the tree rat with fig leaves and is now spreading a mixture of salt, Maine-made stone-ground mustard and flour over the whole thing. She intends to bake this directly in hot coals."

"Won't it burn?"

"I asked her that. She says the coating will keep the meat from burning while it absorbs the mustard flavor. She says it's a twist on a traditional campfire Bunny Scouts™ meal called 'Tarzbun Roast' she learned many years ago."

"Sounds wonderful."

A female voice echoes, "Forty minutes to go!"

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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NINE

The Blockbuster commercial with the talking rabbit and dancing guinea pig aired on screen.

"I'm so sick of this commercial," Mariel (groanfluffs). "It looks so...so fake!"

"It's suppose to look that way," Jerome stated. "They used computers to make the actorbun look more animated."

"Really?" (surprisefluff)

(noddle) "Watch the nose. The twitching is too sporadic to be computer animated. I met him once, he's from DenverWarren. As for the guinnea pig, that's a tree rat under all that make-up. They tucked his tail in around his butt. How do you think he can wiggle it so well? According to the article I read in regards to the release of this commercial, he's the grandson of the tree rat who use to do those Clusters™ Cereal commercials for the warren that owns General Mills#153;."

Everybun hushed down as the show started again. Mariel snuggled down again next to Jerome, while Jerome snuggled up against Poppy. Poppy snuggled back.

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TEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

"Welcome back to Kitchen Warren. Time is counting down quickly as all four chefs scramble to use today's theme ingredient, black tree rat."

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"I am here on the sidelines with Warren Leader Ichibun of Saki Warren. He has mixed emotions over watching the execution of his warren's prized black tree rats for they had been raised in that warren for some fifteen generations." (Camara focuses on a slightly overweight gray and brown buck with a microphone near his muzzle.)

"What is your reaction, Ichibun-san, to Cookie sparing the life of the tree rat, Fisher, and his demise?"

"I was relieved until he died. But he died bravely. It is a great loss to our warren to loose all our tree rats due to the stupid acts of a few. It is a great tragedy. Fifteen generations is a long history to loose. But Fisher was my bunsonal assistant and saved my life once as he was in charge of tasting my meals for me. As you know assassins here use very species-specific poisons. Fisher became very ill one day on something that would have killed me in minutes. He recovered and continued to serve me faithfully until the day of the revolt. It was he who reported the incident to me and actually defended me from the rebels until reinforcements arrived. It disgusts me that the law is written as it is and I had to pass the same sentence on him as all the others. If HLV worked on tree rats, I would have offered it to him. I will greatly miss his presence." (droopears) "He would have served Chef Lightclaws well if he had survived the battle with the Fudd monkey."

"Back to you Koy-san."

(humblefluff) "How do you follow that up?" The commentator falls silent for a moment.

A female voice echoes, "Thirty minutes to go!"

"Half the time has elapsed and all four chefs are scrambling to get their dishes completed. There seems to be renewed activity over by Suki. What's he up to?" The camera shows one of Suki's assistants draining off the pan he had been boiling through cheesecloth. He then quickly grinds the meat and other ingredients and stuffs the resulting mixture into large snail shells. The leftover liquid is then placed back on the burner and to this he adds flour to thicken it.

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"Suki has drained his pan and has stuffed the contents in snail shells. He's now making a sauce to pour over this."

The camera angle changes to show this and then pans over to Clawimoto tying a couple of tree rats to a brick and then setting the brick in a vat of liquid. The tree rats start to struggle to keep their heads above the liquid.

"What's this? It appears Clawimoto is going to drown those tree rats in Sake."

"Koy-San!"

"Go!"

"That's exactly what Clawimoto is going to do. Drunken-drowned tree rat. Any moment now, rather then struggle, the tree rats will realize they're in sake and will start to imbibe. There they go!"

A camerabun quickly focuses on the tree rats who continue to struggle to keep afloat but are now also guzzling at the liquid they're struggling in.

"Clawimoto has tied their rear paws to a clay brick and has set that brick on end in the bottom of the vat. The string the tree rats are tied to is just barely long enough to enable them to keep above the surface of the sake, as long as they struggle. Once the tree rats start to show intoxication, which shouldn't take long," (fangygring) "he'll tip the brick over, which will drag the tree rats under for the last time." As Fangto finishes this statement, Clawimoto shakes the vat slightly and the black tree rats dunk below the surface of the sake with a cry. A few air bubble escape as they thrash in panic under the liquid. Soon the thrashing and air bubbles cease.

The camera quickly switches to the other kitchen to show Kepoofchi stir-frying vegetables in a wok. Meanwhile Cookie is mixing what looks like chocolate cake batter and pours it into a baking dish, which an assistant quickly whisks to the waiting oven.

"What's Cookie up to? That cake didn't look like it had any tree rat in it."

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"You are correct. There is no tree rat in that cake. Cookie doesn't intend to enter that in the competition, but to share it with all after the judgment. It is her famous signature-dish, Cow-fudd chocolate cake. It's a recipe that has been in her family for many, many generations. Legend has it that one of her ancestors found the recipe in the remains of a chuck wagon in the old American West some 120 years ago after his unit ambushed the Fudd monkeys who had owned it. I got a quick clawful of batter from the used dish before she could smack me." (smacklips) "It's sinful."

"Then why didn't she add a little tree rat to it so she could enter it?"

"I asked her that very question, Koy-san. She said you don't mess with perfection. The recipe calls only for flour, sugar, cocoa, oil, a little baking soda and vinegar. No meat nor eggs. She refuses to alter it, even here in Kitchen Warren."

"Oh...kay..."

A female voice echoes, "Twenty minutes to go!"

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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ELEVEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

The camera shows an overview of the whole warren as buns scramble about cooking. "Welcome back to Kitchen Warren. There is more activity in the challenger's area. It looks like she's extracted the squirrel heads from the freezer. What's this? A Drumel™ tool??? I thought this was a cooking showdown, not a home improvement program. What in Frith's name is she up to?" The camera shows Cookie running the Drumel™ tool, which whines loudly as it cuts through the skull of one tree rat head. She then neatly pops off the top of the head to expose the small brain within. She points to the others and one of her assistants continues the process cutting the tops off the other heads.

Cookie then places the severed human hand, palm up on a dish. All four fingers are spread out and bent at a 90 degree angle. Cookie jambs the first head onto one of the fingers so the finger looks like a skinny neck below the head. She then drizzles a reddish syrup over the exposed brain. She then takes a small pawful of the walnut meats she removed from within the tree rats at the beginning of the cooking competition and sprinkles these over the syrup. She then continues to do this with the other heads as they're pawed over to her by her assistant.

"Koy-san!"

"Yes!"

"Cookie is preparing chilled tree-rat brains. I didn't expect this as that is usually not something they do in America. I asked her where she learned that? She said she has had many, many teachers over the years. She got this idea from a friend she made in India, but that was using Fudd monkey brains. She decided it was worth trying it with tree rat brains. She's drizzling a deep red strawberry syrup over them. On top of this she's sprinkling toasted tree rat-chewed walnut meats."

"Sounds tasty."

A female voice echoes, "Fifteen minutes to go!" as Cookie slides the dessert back in the freezer to chill some more.

"We're down to the last fifteen minutes. The challenger looks unhurried, while the Fluffy Chefs continue to scramble."

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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TWELVE

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

The commentator is actually quite for a moment as the camera angles switch from bun to bun and so on. Cookie is shown beating at some yellowish batter and then sets it aside, only to hoist a large cast iron skillet onto the stove. Kepoofchi is shown working with some clear gelatinous mass. Suki is pouring red wine into a pot and throwing chunks of cheese into it. Clawimoto is grilling strips of tree rat meat.

A female voice echoes, "Ten minutes to go!"

The time announcement seems to stir the commentator back into action. "I see that Cookie has been whipping some sort of yellow batter. She had been playing with it about five minutes ago and then set it aside. But now she's beating it again. What could it be? Tempura perhaps? No, it doesn't look like tempura would."

"Koy-san!"

"Go!"

"That is not tempura. It is buckwheat batter and she's going to make buckwheat pancakes." The camera hovers over Cookie's shoulder as she pours the batter onto a hot cast iron griddle making perfect circles, spreading the batter thin. It bubbles. "Or as she calls them, ployes. An Acadian staple, ployes are served at most meals in place of bread. Usually, you roll them up with a little butter and eat them as is, or sprinkled with cinnamon sugar, or you use them to soak up the juices/sauces left in your plate. She plans to serve these with the Tarzbun roast."

Cookie waits until the edges of the ployes start to lift and then she removes them from the griddle, only cooking one side. "Before you ask, yes, you only cook one side. You cook these on high heat and the heat dries the pancake out quickly so you don't need to flip them." Cookie quickly cooks a stack of ployes which an assistant whisks away to a warming oven.

A female voice echoes, "Five minutes to go!"

"All the chefs seem to have renewed energy as they rush to finish their dishes in the five minutes remaining. However, Cookie seems to be nearly done." A camera aims in Cookie's direction showing her directing her assistants as they prepare the presentation of the dishes. The camera then pans to the other chefs showing them scrambling to put the final artistic touches on their own presentations.

A female voice echoes, "One minute to go!"

"All three Fluffy Chefs are now scrambling to finish things up, but wait, Cookie is sitting back. She's done!"

A female voice echoes, "Thirty seconds to go!" The camera keeps changing angles to show the three Fluffy Chefs add finishing touches to their dishes while the commentator yells excitedly too fast for anyone to pay much attention to what he's saying.. "Ten seconds to go!" the female voice continues, "five seconds...three, two one!"

"The end gong sounds and it's Oh-Vah. The historical battle between Chef Lightclaws and all three Fluffy Chefs is over!" All the contestants (pantfluff) as the camera pans over them.

The scene changes to show the dishes with voice-over by the announcer. "The challenger has prepared four dishes for the judges. First up is Acadian-style Tourtiere pie. This lightly seasoned meat pie in a flaky crust will bring back memories of mother's home cooking, served with an assortment of pickles and olives to help accent the taste of the tree rat within the pie. Next, (picture of a blackened mound) Tarzbun roast with Acadian-style ployes. Chef Lightclaws will serve this one herself. The stone-ground mustard coating has protected the toe-stuffed tree-rat within and will help accent the delicate flavor of the tree rat. The ployes can be used to soak up the juices. Next up is fresh summer salad with diced tree rat. Fresh summer vegetables and greens tossed with lightly cooked tree rat chunks, served with tomato basil with sunflower seeds dressing. Finally, chilled tree-rat brains. This wonderful dessert is made more incredible by the deep red strawberry sauce and toasted chewed walnut meats."

The scene changes to show Clawimoto's dishes. "Clawimoto answers the call with four dishes of his own. Red snapper and tree rat sushi. The sweetness of the rice and saltiness of the fish will help accent the delicate flavor of raw tree rat. Next up is drunken-drowned tree rat with stir fried vegetables. Live tree rat was drowned in sake and then quickly stir-fried with fresh vegetables, a delightful eye-catching dish. Next up is Coca-Cola™-marinated tree rat noodles. Tree rat marinated in Coca-Cola™ and then lightly broiled, mixed with ramen noodles. Finally, tree rat tongue sticky-rice-Thai-style. Sticky rice dessert with lightly grilled tree rat tongues.

The scene changes to show Kepoofchi's dishes. "Kepoofchi has also answered with four dishes. First, Hot and Sour Tree rat. Tree rat mixed with Korean chili paste, ground, and formed into meatballs lightly fried in tempura batter. The heat of the chili paste will accent the succulent flavor of tree rat. Next up is Cashew Tree Rat, Thai-style. Thai-style stir-fried tree rat and vegetables with cashews served on a bed of brown rice and Thai-style peanut sauce. Next is teriyaki-style tree rat strips. Strips of boneless tree rat meat marinated in teriyaki sauce and grilled. Kepoofchi finishes off with jellied tree-rat dessert. Well ground, cooked tree rat mixed with gelatin topped with fresh whipped cream and diced walnuts, it will be a delightful finish.

The scene changes to show Suki's dishes. "Finally, Suki has answered with five dishes of his own. First, tree rat escargot with pine nuts--Tree rats and snails mixed with onions, mushrooms, and truffles and sprinkled with pine nuts served in a large snail shell with a delightful sauce spread lightly over the contents of the shell. Next up is tree rat au natural with red wine sauce fondue--Fresh, raw chunks of tree rat that can be dipped in a red wine and cheese sauce. Next up is butter sauteed tree rat cheek meat with eggplant-the heavenly taste of eggplant accents the buttery flavor of tree rat in this dish. Next, mushroom-stuffed tree rat rolls-Fresh portabello slices rolled inside strips of tree rat meat, lightly cooked and served with a scrumptious mushroom sauce. Finally, tree rat with lemon sorbet--Minced tree rat combined with lemon sorbet." (scrumptiousfluff) "The perfect way to cleans the palette after so many wonderful dishes."

"We'll return in a moment for the taste testing."

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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THIRTEEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

"First up, challenger Lighclaw's dishes," the commentator states.

In the lower left corner of the screen, the dish being commented on is shown. The judges bite into Cookie's toutiere pie. All three smile. One exclaims, "This is better then anything my mother ever cooked. This is incredible! I saw that you made extra of this one. If anybun in the warren doesn't want their share, I'll gladly eat it for them!" Cookie bows in thanks.

"Next Chef Lightclaws serves her Tarzbun Roast."

Cookie takes a mallet and cracks the blackened shell around the dish. It cracks audibly and steam issues forth. She then serves portions of the tree rat within making sure all get some of the bread stuffing, a half toe and two ployes each. "Remember to use the ployes to soak up the juices," she states as she sets a plate in front of each judge. The judges bite into it. Again there are surprise looks on their muzzles as they taste the dish.

A different judge then the comment before remarks, "This is quite tasty, but the mustard flavor is..." (pausefluff) "...too strong. It overpowers the flavor of the tree rat. The toe was a nice touch though. And these...what did you call them? Ployes? They're just right for sponging the leftover juices like you said. If only the mustard flavor wasn't so strong!" Again, Cookie bows.

"Next up, summer salad with diced tree rat."

The judges dig in. "This dish is a nice change from the previous two. It is light while the previous two were heavy. Maybe you should have served this before the Tarzbun roast."

"This salad is excellent, but I expect more from a chef in the Fluffy Chef arena." (poofle) Again Cookie bows.

"Finally, Cookie serves the chilled tree rat brains, breaking the monkey fingers off at the knuckle"

"To properly enjoy this dish, you need to dig out the brain using the monkey's finger as your spoon. I guess you could call it a new twist on the age old office question, 'Can I pick your brain a moment?'".

The judges give her surprised looks and do as instructed. "This is incredible. It's a simple dish, but not something you would normally think about. I never thought a tree rat would have a brain larger then a pea. And it is quite tasty. The walnuts and strawberry sauce go nicely with this dish." (nibble) "And the 'spoon' is edible too!" Again, Cookie bows.

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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FOURTEEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

"And now Fluffy Chef Clawimoto will serve his dishes."

(humblefluff) "I don't get to prepare tree rat too often. This was a rare treat and I hope you'll enjoy the dishes I have prepared."

"First up, tree rat and red snapper sushi," the commentator states.

(grunt) "This is good."

"Yes, yes it is. I'm surprised at how well the tree rat and red snapper mixed together."

Clawimoto bows.

"Next up is drunken-drowned tree rat with stir-fried vegetables."

The camera shows the judges trying the dish.

"Not bad. I'm rather surprised. When I watched you prepare this dish, I had visions of that American 'not-a-squirrel', what is his name? The one that posts to that American bunny banter group? Buzzy? I had visions of Buzzy and a vat of cough syrup. I couldn't shake that image from my mind and thought for a moment that this was going to taste like," (ickfluff) "cherry cough syrup. I'm glad I was wrong."

Next up is Clawimoto's Coca-Cola™-marinated tree rat noodles.

"What is it with you and Coca-Cola™? Every time you are challenged, you have a Coke in paw and insist on using it in at least one of your dishes. Can't you be a little more original?" (poofle) "I suppose it could be worse."

"This dish is not that bad. The syrupy sweetness of the cola helps accent the tree rat. The noodles help keep the cola flavor from overpowering the tree rat."

Finally, the judges will try Clawimoto's Tree Rat Tongue Sticky Rice.

"I've always loved sticky rice. And with these bits of tree rat tongue it adds a bit of nutty flavor to the sweetness of the rice. Truly, truly, this is an original dish!"

(boredpoofle) "This is good, but I had hoped for more traditional Japanese dishes out of the Japanese Fluffy Chef."

"We'll return in a moment with the tasting of Kepoofchi's and Suki's dishes."

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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FIFTEEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

And now Fluffy Chef Kepoofchi's dishes...

First, Hot and Sour Tree rat.

The judges nibble at the dish. The eyes of the middle judge grow as big as saucers and he grabs his glass of wine and chugs it. "Wow! That's quite the bite!"

"You outdid yourself this time, Chef Kepoofchi. The chili flavor remains hidden until you swallow and it then leaves a warm feeling all the way down."

Next up is Cashew Tree Rat, Thai-style.

"Now this is an excellent dish! And you didn't overdo the heat as with the last one."

"This is delightful. The vegetables are still slightly crunchy and the cashews are very fitting served with tree rat, but there should have been more green onions in this."

Now Kepoofchi serves his teriyaki-style tree rat strips.

(disappointedfluff) "I could go to any fast food Chinese place and get these." (STOMP!)

(gigglefluff) "I don't think so. I don't know of any Chinese restaurants with black tree rat on the menu. I don't think these are that bad."

"Well, I expect more from a Fluffy Chef." (indignantpoofle)

Finally, the judges try the jellied tree rat dessert.

"Plain. You can't really taste the tree rat under all that whip cream."

"I like this. Then again, I've always *loved* whipped cream." (shimmywiggle)

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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SIXTEEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

And, finally, Fluffy Chef Suki's dishes...

First, tree rat escargot with pine nuts.

The camera focuses on the judges digging the treat out of the shell and nibbling on it. All smile.

"This is excellent. The nuttiness of the tree rat and the pine nuts go well together."

"Yes, this is good, but you can't taste the snail at all."

Next up is tree rat au natural with red wine sauce fondue.

The judges take turns ripping chunks off the tree rat and dipping it in the fondue.

"This fondue is a bit too plain. It needs more flavor."

"I like getting to try black tree rat plain. It is mild. I can see why it can be a challenge to not overpower it."

Next up is butter sauteed tree rat cheek meat with.

"The eggplant and mushrooms are fine, but...you used too much butter. I can't taste the tree rat amid all this butter."

Next, mushroom-stuffed tree rat rolls.

"This is excellent. Then again, I've always loved portabellas. And this gravy, (scrumptiousfluff)."

"Really? All I can taste are the mushrooms. Where's the tree rat?"

Finally, tree rat with lemon sorbet.

"This is delightful. Just what I needed to clean my palette after so many wonderful dishes. Thank you."

Suki bows to the judges.

"The dishes have been tasted and all that remains is the final judgment." Camera shows all three judges jotting in books.

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

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SEVENTEEN

[Screen changes to a black background with red Japanese characters. The characters shrink as if moving away from the viewer and expand again in English: FLUFFY CHEF]

Pictures of all four chefs are pasted on the screen with an overview of what has taken place along with another quick look at the dishes prepared.

"And now we take you to Chairbun Kaga who will pass judgment."

Polite applause which quiets down as Kaga hops onto the dais. The judges sit at attention behind him. All look stuffed. Kaga speaks in Japanese with English subtitles plastered at the bottom of the screen.

"This has been a very historical day, indeed. All four chefs produced incredible, gourmet dishes. Cookie Lightclaws, you have shown you are a professional chef today in my Kitchen Warren and have given my 'amateurs' a run for their yen as you Americans would say. But only one bun can be the winner. Who shall it be?"

Soap opera-like piano music plays as the announcer recaps slightly. "Chef Lightclaws may have bitten off more then she could chew by challenging all three Fluffy Chefs, but she more then proved that she was up to the challenge as she produced world class dishes of her own pitted against all three Fluffy Chefs. But only one bun can win. Where her dishes good enough? Who will win? Who's cuisine will reign supreme?!"

Kaga bows his head. "We have a tie. Fluffy Chef Kepoofchi and Cookie Lightclaws!"

"It's a tie! We'll now have to go to a half-hour cook-off!"

(STOMP!) "No!" Kaga calls out, cutting-off the commentator. "There will be no cook-off. The judges are stuffed to the point of bursting as they have already eaten 17 courses each. We are in no shape to judge a cook-off. I shall cast the tie-breaker." Kaga pauses a moment and points. "Cookie Lightclaws! After seeing the judgment, I tried a nibble of her cowbun chocolate cake. The dish she didn't enter. It is heavenly. She truly deserves this win."

"She did it! Chef Lightclaws has defeated all three Fluffy Chefs at once." (nibble) "Hmmph! This cake is excellent! I can't wait to sink my fangs into that too-chay!" (pardonfluff) "There you have it, a battle of historic proportions here in Kitchen Warren!"

All three Fluffy Chefs show their respects in a group bunnyhug with the winner, Cookie Lightclaws. The warren scene fades to black as the credits roll across the screen with the theme music stolen from 'Backdraft' playing.

You are watching Bunny Food TV, available only on BUNIX encrypted cable systems!

End

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