Everyone has heard the old saying that love conquers all. The adage appears to be true for all circumstances that exist within our world or is it? Can love conquer in a relationship with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome? If you were to ask any sufferer that question, you would get a slight hesitation as a first reaction. It is hard enough for the person who is dealing with this illness to relate to another person on a platonic level within a relationship, but what happens when this disease creeps into the intimacy of a deeper layer in the relationship? All toleraters of CFIDS have experienced the effects that this syndrome has on his or her personal existence. There are many different aspects to concur to and to exist within in having this illness. It is unspoken for a person who lives with this disease that there are many risks involved in pursuing or adapting the personal relationships that he or she may be involved in or even may be seriously considering. If you are lucky, you are in a solid relationship where your significant other is already aware that something is drastically wrong with you. He or she may have been standing by you, witnessing the drastic changes in your health, and actually observing the havoc this illness is reeking within your body, mind, and soul. If you aren't so lucky, your companion has noticed that you aren't as peppy as you used to be. You are sick a lot more and can't seem to do as much as you used to be able to do and you are extremely fatigued all the time. There is a sort of recognition that something is wrong but it isn't noticeable enough to make a difference to his or her life or to your relationship. Either way, this disease does and will affect your participation within the relationship at many varied levels which will in turn eventually influence your important other. Ignorance is not a viable solution.
There is almost an art to attempting to tell anyone anything that has an emotional confrontation to it. There is a sort of dance that has to be performed where both of you are willing to go through with the movements to get to the finale where the disclosure is made. How do you say the words? What will the effect be? How will he or she react? All the anxieties that are attached to these inquiries are normal reactions to the circumstances that you find yourself in now you are existing in a relationship within the boundaries of chronic fatigue syndrome. It is sad but true that CFS makes you a vulnerable individual and confessing the existence of this disease in your life makes you even more exposed-in this instance, laid open for more emotional pain. You will ask yourself over and over again why does it seem to crawl into every crack of your lives and your existence. Nothing is sacred. No part of your life has been spared the touch of chaos that this syndrome brings with it. You don't wish for your relationship with someone you want to spend your life with to be destroyed or changed or altered so drastically that neither individual can exist within it any longer.
How do you tell someone you care about or even love that you have this sickness? That is a good question. For you to disclose that you have this disease to another, you must be as informed as you can about this illness yourself. How can you expect to have another person understand what you are about to tell him or her if you don't even comprehend what you have yourself? What if he or she has questions that need to be clarified so this person can make an educated, informed decision whether or not to proceed in the relationship? Are you prepared to answer inquiries like, "What is CFIDS? How did you get it? Why did you get it? Why not me? Where did it come from? When did you contract it? Is it the same as AIDS or like AIDS at all? Is it contagious? Can the children and our families get it from you? What do we need to do for you to help you live with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome?" There are some educational materials that exist in our environment which describe what the theories of this ailment are all about and can give you a better understanding of the disease. The background data that you can compile will help you to be prepared in tackling the issue of disclosure. Be sure to find someone such as a well-versed physician, specialist, or counselor to discuss any queries that you may have about anything you are not sure of in your quest for more knowledge prior to your exposť. There is no way that you will be totally educated about CFIDS because there are not enough proven facts to demonstrate the total encompassment of what this syndrome is all about. Scientists and physicians alike are researching and testing different theories and techniques which result in no new information about the illness. Hopefully sometime soon someone will discover something tangible about chronic fatigue syndrome and then there will be more information dispensed to the public and until then, you can self-educate with what data is available realizing that the information will be partially accurate and can satiate some of your concerns for now.
The next phase of your disclosure is asking yourself do you really want to tell this special person in your life that you have this affliction. Yes, that's right. Do you wish to disclose this very personal information about yourself? When you decide to be honest and make known this fact, you are also opening yourself up for more pain. The more vulnerable you are, the worse the level of pain that can be experienced. The disease makes you feel unprotected as is. You need to question if this revelation will encourage more pain for you as a result of being known. The most vital inquiry you can make to yourself is how important this relationship is to you and your life. What is its value in your life? Is honesty the best policy in this situation? What is the worst case scenario if you aren't completely honest and don't acknowledge the disease to the special person in your life? What if it is uncovered in the future that you are contagious to others close to you? Can you live with yourself for not exposing the truth right now? Only you know what is the right thing to do for you and your significant other. . . don't allow anyone else to tell you what to do or what is right for you. You must permit yourself to decide your own course and to empower yourself within the relationship. You must take into consideration the permanency of this relationship. If the relationship is already a committed alliance between the two of you, you may ask yourself does it makes logical sense to be honest with your mate. If there is no concrete pledge, there is room for contemplation and reevaluation of where the relationship is, how it is progressing, what your future expectations are for the relationship, and what would be a possible result of a revealing exposure. It is within your ability to make the most informed decision if you should reveal your participation in this syndrome to anyone. You may not have the privilege of disclosing the illness to your special one. You may find out about your diagnosis in the doctor's office at the same time as your mate. There seems to be no control in this situation because once the doctor reveals the diagnosis you would have as many questions as your companion does. You should sit down after your initial visit and talk with your significant other about what you think you may have contracted ahead of your return doctor's visit for your diagnosis. Openly discuss CFS as well as any other diseases that you think you may have contracted and make a list of questions that you may have for the doctor when he announces your diagnosis on your repeat visit. If the doctor has informed you of your diagnosis in private, you have ensured the privilege of disclosing your fate to your significant other. You have definitely decided it is time to tell your meaningful other that you have chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. The most obvious question now is when do you do. After the decision is made, the sooner you state what you both are dealing with the better. It may be difficult and sometimes almost unbearable for you to keep any secret from someone that you love or care about. You need to have as few stresses in your life as possible. Why delay the inevitable? If this person in your life is observant, he already senses that something is definitely out of sorts with you. Intuition is usually right! The location or environment on where you disclose that you have this disorder is just as important. It doesn't make sense to take so much time to contemplate the issue of confession without considering the site of disclosure. Try to select the type of surroundings which will best suit the mood that you wish to project when you open yourself up to discuss this topic. You must consider the importance of the acknowledgment of CFIDS in your life and how it will directly or indirectly affect your meaningful other.
This syndrome is changing and altering your life. It is momentous enough to discuss between the two of you first before you bring your family, friends, or co-workers into the scenario. The atmosphere you select to have your discussion should coincide with the type of individuals you are and express the kind of relationship that you have. The site you select should be relaxing, stress free, and non-threatening to either of you. The location should allow the both of you to be able to have the ability for you to express your emotions connected with this discovery in a physical way. If either of you wishes to scream, cry, or withdraw, you should be in a safe space where this is possible. Select a spot where there aren't lots of people around who could or would distract you from having an intimate one on one talk about your predicament. Obviously, this suggestion means that you don't come directly home from the doctor's office after your diagnosis and ignore this issue until the children go to bed and then the two of you feeling you can discuss the doctor's diagnosis then. This issue requires some sense of complete privacy between the two of you to contemplate how you think and feel. It may seem almost silly to make a special effort to find a secure place to deliberate about chronic fatigue syndrome but in the long run, this personal conference will aid in any future misunderstandings. You will have a much more comfortable time knowing where you and your partner stand on tackling this disease. . .united together or in solitary separateness. If you don't have the choice of discussing the syndrome except for in the car on the way home from the doctor's office, take the time to go a place where the both of you can communicate about your feelings. Drive to the nearest parking lot or go to a park that is close by. It may be that you don't have much time but any immediate efforts will enhance the caring and support that the two of you can share. Once you have made the decision to divulge this illness and have taken the time to find a place to discuss it, your special person will have as many questions about this disease as you do. How do you find it in your heart to reveal to this person that you care about so much that you have a chronic illness that can't be defined in any specific way and doesn't have any complete cure? Everyone can admit that being kind, sensitive, and empathetic are the most preferred ways to have someone say something that will impact him or her in an emotional way. The harshness of the fear of the unknown doesn't have to crop up and cause feelings of hurt and anger.
You have two vital accomplishments to make in the discussion. One is to discover a way to cope with your own emotions about coming down with CFS. The second achievement is to help our special other to converse his or her thoughts or feelings about being with someone who has this illness. These are very serious responsibilities for you to deal with, but you must or else your relationship could be destroyed by ignorance, anger, fear, or frustration. The actual conference will be less frightening than you think it will be. It takes an extremely strong person to attack a problem in an up front and aggressive manner. You are a lot heartier than you give yourself credit for. Be yourself and remember that your mate chose to be with you. You are still the same person that he or she was attracted to or fell in love with in the first place. You are who you are! It is okay to be afraid to discuss such an important issue. Fear is a natural inane emotion that all human beings feel when confronted with any sense of loss or the danger of alienation. Will you face this syndrome and not ignore or run away? How it will affect you and your significant other? The easiest solution is to make the decision to confront this problem head on. It is difficult to approach your own and your other's thoughts and emotions without sensing a sort of confusion or loss. It will be helpful if the both of you approach the subject of chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome with a non-judgmental and non-assertive attitude. The cognizance is that ignoring this illness will only create more problems. This kind of recognition can cut through any denial that either one of you may have at the onset of the disease. It is normal to feel denial as an initial emotion. Who wants to believe that she has a chronic illness? Who thinks that she will be in a relationship with someone who is chronically sick? No one does but it does happen each and every day to many people. At the time of your initial talk, you should approach each other with honesty and humility. Keep in mind that you didn't ask for this syndrome to come into your life and that this situation could have just as easily happened to your mate.
One of the hardest and unsettling results of exposing yourself to uncovering that you have CFIDS is the actuality that the special person in your life decides to reject you once he hears your disclosure. It would be a devastating situation for anyone-sick or healthy-to deal with. Nevertheless, you must be prepared for this decision. Each individual has the free will to make decisions in his or her life that best accommodate living that life. Your special one may discover that the depth of feelings he had for you do not plunge deep enough to make the long term promise to stand beside you and fight this disease with you. It may be that your comrade thinks that this is asking too much of him. He may be afraid that dealing with this disease means facing so many unknowns. Your loved one may be harboring selfish thoughts which solely result in concern for his own welfare. He may even be scared that he may catch the syndrome from you. There could be a million reasons why he may deny any further participation in your relationship after your divulgence. Fear motivates many people to do or say things that they would not say or do normally. Don't take it personally if rejection is the result. You should recognize that it is her prerogative to not continue her side of the relationship just as much as it is yours. Your significant other may not have the capability to sustain the commitment. If she makes the decision to leave, give her due credit. It takes a lot of might and honesty to be able to confront her emotions. The reality is that this decision will cause you a lot of pain and emotional upheaval at a time when you don't need this type of stress in your life but it is better that it happens now than in the future when you have already developed a entrusted reliance on her. It takes a very understanding, empathetic person to show love and caring by letting someone go. What is the message in the old adage about letting someone you love go and if she really loves you, she will return?
Love is a necessity in your confrontation with this disease. The expectations you will have for the significant other in your life will be enormous. If he doesn't have the same deepness of feelings for you as you do him, the strain of the clash with this illness will decimate the relationship that exists. It may appear that your connection with your companion is secure enough to forego anything that may confront the two of you right now but the fact of the matter is that if one of you thinks or feels it won't withstand the test of chronic fatigue syndrome, it probably won't. Let the respect you have for your associate who was honest with you be the underlying reason of why you can let go of him. One expression of caring and love is freedom. You have it within your power to release this person with a glad heart and to be grateful for all of the happy memories you share. It may be a possibility that somewhere in your futures you may cross paths again at a more secure and healthier space in your lives. The future always holds new opportunities for you. If you are fortunate enough to have your special someone state that he is willing to support you throughout your CFS conflict, consider yourself very loved and cared for. There are some steps in configuring your workable odds at clashing with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome as a united front.
The very first step is knowing what you both are dealing with from a factual stand point. Being as educated as possible about the disease will advance you and your significant other in approaching your discussion. Gathering all available subject matter will aid the introduction to this sickness. The discovery of important reading information can be found at the doctor's office (if he or she is well informed), the library, a book store, or even on your personal computer. If necessary, bring all applicable materials to your talk and openly read and discuss this data. Your special one may require logical black and white factual figures to justify the reality of what you are both confronting. Confronting this ailment is no different than researching any other disease. Hopefully, the answers that you may find for yourself and your special friend will be satisfactory for your immediate needs in encountering CFIDS.
There are two very significant and critical facts about CFS. It is a viral disease that affects all of the body-physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Secondly, some researchers and physicians alike think that this syndrome is rooted in a weakened genetic abnormality in your immune and neurological system. Consider the importance of what is averred in these two statements. If indeed this illness is truly a result of either hypotheses, obviously you did not make a choice to contract this disease. Both proclamations adhere to the truths that the disease is a result of no specific desire by you to get sick. This affliction found you-you didn't find it. You did not search the syndrome out to reek some sort of havoc into your life. It was not a disease that you set out to encounter just to confuse and upset your mate. Chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome is the enemy for the both of you to combat together not the reason to fight with each other. It is now a major portion of your life and your colleague's life. Facing this reality will speed up the comprehension process and will foster a positive direction in your discussion. You or your loved one may have many inquiries to attempt to get some sort of answers about this disorder and why it is in your lives and may discover that there aren't any specific explanations to be found. The acknowledgment of the many unknowns with this illness may only cause a feeling of frustration and confusion at first, but these feelings will alter into a different state of understanding over time. You must grasp the indefinable realities of CFIDS with your mate. You can keep repeating positive affirmations such as, "In time, I will comprehend more and more about this chronic fatigue syndrome but I will never know all of the answers".
The opening up of your own thoughts and feelings is the next logical step in your discussion. You may have the most difficult time with this part of revealing your confessions. When you are not honest with yourself, it doesn't just injure you. It will hurt your special one as well. It will be devastating to face the actuality that you are chronically ill with an "unknown" type of syndrome. You will have such a laborious time in trying to accept that you are now going to be dependent. Yes, you. Independent little old you. The worst part is that you are going to be dependent on your significant other for many functions and responsibilities in your life. Can you handle this situation of being dependent on him or her? How will he or she manage with your new type of life style? The questions will seem to be never ending and may keep coming to you one after another. It will appear as if a constant barrage of doubts and concerns are pelting at you out of the depths of your own fears. The adjustment that you will have to make in being dependent won't be easy yet it is necessary for you to do to exist within the confines of CFS. Part of the reason you may have such a difficult time in becoming dependent is because your ego will tell you that you should not to be relying on anyone else but yourself. You were raised to have certain thoughts and feelings that are attached to the dependency issue. Somewhere in your growth as a person you may have surveyed dependency as some sort of weakness. You may have made a promise to yourself many years earlier that you would never be dependent on anyone at any time in your life. You may have a life-long desire to be an independent individual who could stand on your own without the help of anyone. Your companion's thoughts and your own feelings may stem from two unique and opposite perspectives on this subject. After you talk about your opinions, it can make you feel a lot more at ease knowing that this wonderful person could appreciate that you are not making a conscious choice to be dependent. It is being forced upon you by the restrictions of having this disease. It won't be easy for you to surrender to dependency. You should be able to comprehend that it is permission you need from yourself more than from your loving one to allow yourself to be delicate and fragile. Neither one of you may had never had to consider you to be so helpless. You will have to embrace the reality that you have no option but to submit to dependency for the duration of your battle with this illness. You may discover that you or your special someone may have similar thoughts about the dependency topic that will surface during your discussion. If there is no direct talking about your newly created dependency and /or that this topic of conversation doesn't uncover itself, be sure to inquire and deliberate his or her feelings on this subject.
One of the most overpowering concerns that you and your loved one may have is what your "new" life style will encompass. What is going to happen to your lives? Where and when are all of your plans, hopes, and dreams going to flourish now you have this new problem to factor in? The frustrating part of discerning these concerns is that there is no answer or even an inkling as to what your future holds as it is so uncertain. Will you ever have a "normal" life again? Yes. . . maybe. . . someday. The sense of normalcy in your life will occur sometime in the future. It is just not clear as to what point in the future that will be. Your concerns should not be with the future as much as with the present. This illness will determine a reevaluation of where your life is headed and because your mate is involved with you, where his or hers is directed as well. There will be a requirement for each of you to reestablish the importance of your lives together. The imperativeness of living each day will mature into being the norm for both of you and the old concept of planning for the future will be revamped into designing daily life blueprints for the best to emerge from your readjusted relationship. Establishment that some of your daily routines will have to be altered is an important topic to address. You just don't have enough energy to do what you would have normally considered as your share in the relationship. Hopefully, your other will have adequate inner and outer strength to sustain you both now that your activity level is so depleted. The discussion of specifics within what either one of you expects from each other is helpful.
Each human being in a relationship with another demands certain needs be fulfilled. It is a part of human nature. Yet, you entered into your relationship without really consulting with the other involved person about what she required from you. It was somehow assumed that each of you mentally comprehended what the other needed in the relationship without ever speaking of these needs aloud. Your talk should encompass this subject. There should be some sincerity and accounting about what you both perceive your relationship to be and what you expect out of it now you are ill. Use a direct manner and try to be as honest as possible without hurting each other's feelings. The admittance of your needs and your partner's divulgence of her needs will encourage some portion of equality in the relationship. For now, this balance may be shifted into an uneven portion where he or she is contributing seventy-five per cent while you are only capable of giving twenty-five per cent with your low energy level. At this point in time your relationship's symmetry is essential because there will be enough chronic fatigue syndrome-related outside stresses and distractions that will cause many emotional and mental disruptions. You shouldn't have to be concerned with any internal problems to your relationship too. You are a social animal and humans are friendly beings. Sometimes, you have an innate need to have social interactions with others at some level. Early into the disease, you will ascertain that you don't have the energy to fraternize the way you used to as an effect of your body being so sick. There is so little pep in you to perform daily activities that the idea of having to summon up enough verve to carry on an intimate conversation or have a romantic dinner becomes just a fantasy. The drop in your activity level will be sensed by your significant other. He may find that you just want to be alone or are isolated more than you used to be before you were ill. Instead of the recognition that there just isn't enough animation to even talk, your beloved becomes instantaneously insulted when you opt for some quiet time instead of conversing with him or her. Immediately he feels that you aren't communicating because of something he did that was wrong. Unless there is open communication between the two of you from the onset of the syndrome, this kind of misunderstanding will create some problems. You have to clearly and tactfully express that it is too difficult to keep up with the way that life used to be. There may be times where you desire to withdraw from the world for a while because you need sleep or rest to regenerate some iota of energy. He will have to adapt to your new habits as part of the requirements of the adjusted social life style that you now share. There will have to be alternatives to the type of socializing that was previously done by the both of you as a couple.
The most important parts of the relationship-its intimacy and privacy-should be retained as much as possible. This task will be strenuous because of the reduction in your life style. It is important to keep communication lines open between the two of you at all times so that no confusion will develop. As a representative indicator that a future conversation will develop when you are rested and ready, your special one can place a chair near your bed to sit in when it is time to talk. Have her climb into bed with you to have a private talk when you feel you are up to a discussion or even small talk. How about having her sitting on the edge of your bed and holding your hand while you converse? Taking this stance projects the sensation that she really cares about what you are going through and is trying to express her feelings for you by attempting to reach out and love you. Even though this person is filled with a sense of mystification over what can be done for you, she is steadily there by your at your side. It makes you appreciate the depth of the predicament your special one is in with you.
What do you discuss at these times? The same things you used to-how his or her work day went, the weather, world news, the children, the family, the neighbors, etc. Both of you only need to acknowledge that you no longer have the luxury of being "out in the world". At this point in time, you are in a unique space where your significant other will have to take on the responsibility of bringing the world to you as much as he can. You should try and be as aware and focused as possible with the conversations even though that may seem a monumental chore with the mental distractions that CFS creates. Your special one may consider it insulting that you can't manage to even pay attention to what is being said while he is talking. You should attempt to explain that your attention span is shortened with this disease and that brief talks may be the most beneficial type of communication for the both of you. If you can keep your discussions compact and to the point, the both of you can eliminate feelings of frustration and condone your abbreviated memory and attention deficits. Being close with your meaningful person in your life doesn't have to be non-existent now you are in such a reduced state of activity. Both of you now have an opportunity to get to use your imaginations and create new ways to being able to enjoying each other's company. At times, you may feel that your special one doesn't want to be with you because you are so sick and appear to be so unattractive to yourself and this sensation isn't true. You will always be important to each other through your confrontation with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. The quality of your experiences in being together should be measured in how much you both demonstrate your love or caring for each other, not in what you can or can no longer do because you have contracted this illness. The both of you may have been extremely social and made it a ritual to go out every single Friday or Saturday night or maybe there were the Wednesday night dinner dates after work before you got sick. Who has the energy any more to do these things that you used to enjoy? You surely don't! The past and its habits will no longer adapt into this new life style that the two of you are living and just because you can't conjure up enough energy to go out on a regular basis doesn't mean that your partner shouldn't. Maybe instead of having romantic dinners out at a restaurant, you could suggest a quiet picnic style dinner in the bedroom in bed where you need to spend your time resting. How about having a friend come over and help your special other cook dinner for you and then the two of you have dinner at a table lit with candles which was brought into the bedroom? You can cuddle up in bed together and attempt to watch a short movie on television. (Have your mate drag the television in from the living room if you have to!) It can be so inviting to have your significant other care enough to make your immediate environment as special and comfortable as possible even though the environment is usually your bed because you haven't got the strength to get out of it for any length of time. If you are a little luckier, you can force yourself to make it to the couch in the living room. You should attempt to get out of bed if you can. Yes, it will give you a change of scenery, but it will also allow you to take the initiative in spending some quality time with your special one outside of the bedroom. Try to originate ideas for some special time factoring in the location where you spend the most time. . . in the bedroom or on the couch.
He or she must continue to participate in life outside of your home to help aid his or her sense of identity and existence in the active world. It isn't that you aren't living in the world, it is just that you are no longer able to keep up with life's pace. You aren't participating in life enough to be dynamically involved in other people's lives. As the most vital support person for you, your loved one will require a respite from this disease to be able to aid in refreshing you on a daily basis. Your love and caring for this person can be best expressed by your ability to ratify his or her needs to going out without any resentment or anger. It is not your fault, or his or hers, that you have been struck down with CFIDS.† It is normal to feel that isn't fair that your significant other gets to go out and you can't because you aren't able to muster up the strength to do that particular activity. You should always keep in the back of your mind that you are capable and can handle this distraction called chronic fatigue syndrome that you have to temporarily endure. You will eventually be able to get back out into the active world and share in the entertainment that your special one likes to do. Nevertheless, his or her socializing needs should not infringe on your requirements to have a sense of calmness and safety in your own space. So, it may be important to distinguish that if he or she wishes to have some company come over to visit, you may not be up to acting like your old charming self. This visit could intrude on the time that you require in getting enough rest which you demand as a constant in your weakened state. You should never be expected to perform socially at any time. There should be a silent understanding between the two of you that you have the flexibility to leave the room if you are tired or that you can stay in your bedroom if company should come over to visit your mate. There should be absolutely no expectations from you to force yourself to fraternize. The both of you should also discuss your changing health necessities on a regular basis. You may not be sleeping all that well and you have to catch a few winks when your body tells you to which means that your special one has to keep the noise level down for the entire day and night so that you can rest. She may have wanted to listen to music or have a few friends over for company and can't now you have to have a silent house. Your loved one ends up feeling frustrated and neglected because all he or she can do is sit around the house and wait for you to wake up. A few days later, you may have problems with your balance and require someone to help you in and out of bed so that you can go to use the bathroom. How can your special mate get anything accomplished if she is constantly stopping what she is working on to help you to go in and out of the lavatory? You have become such an intrusion on her time and she is getting pretty angry over the entire situation.
Your significant other spends all day slaving over a hot stove out of the goodness of his heart in attempting to make something special for you for your evening repast. Your loving one feels so badly about you not having very much in your life and wants to make you a romantic dinner in your bedroom. Some candles.. . low, soft music. . a wonderful meal. He feels that if you have a nice evening that it may somehow make up a little bit for the alienation that you have been feeling since you can't go out for dinner like everyone else on New Year's Eve. He takes the time to make your bedroom the perfect setting and the meal on the table looks scrumptious. The only problem is that you forgot to tell him that you haven't been able to tolerate red meats this week so how do you think he is going to react when you say that you can't eat the steak tartare? If your body keeps demanding various changes, it will be literally impossible for your special someone to keep up with all of the many adaptations that she will have to endure in staying by your side. Your significant other may tire of all of these silent requests and/or may assume that you have more energy or independence than you actually have she expects more out of you than you can be. Again, communication is essential!
Physical intimacy may be an indispensable portion of your relationship. It makes common sense that if you have decreased energy compounded by all of the chemical and hormonal changes occurring in your body that even the idea of physically expressing your love for another is overwhelming. How can you even think of desiring your comrade when you are feeling so exhausted and totally drained? Besides, if you feel tired, then you will probably feel that you look lousy too. You look pale and have dark circles under the eyes from not enough rest or sleep with this disease. Your eyes are bloodshot and your body seems bloated and uncomfortable. This sickness has caused you to gain or lose a lot of weight. You may even insinuate from your special someone behavior that he probably doesn't find you attractive any longer. You don't have very good self-esteem when it come to what you physically look like because you don't feel as attractive as you used to before you became sick.
What about the sexual drive it would take to make love? It has somehow been depleted just as your energy level has and you have very little motivation to have a sexual encounter. The desire to be intimate has waned as the need to rest and relax has increased. You know that you still lust after your significant other but it isn't with the intensity that you used to feel pre-CFS. It just isn't an important part of the relationship to you at this point in time. Getting some actual rest and sleep may seem more viable to you than striving to be romantic. The idea of trying to muster enough energy within the body to be able to physically respond to your associate seems too monumental to consider. How can you make your body feel, sense, and do things during the sexual act when you can't even get out of bed? Most people would joke about this fact when the discussion of sex is brought up. Their attitudes would be that you are already in bed, so what's the problem? There is a tremendous difference between making love with the wondrous and fulfilling desire, lust, and passion that goes along with the process as compared to laying in bed in a totally debilitated frame of being and allowing your partner to satisfy his or her own urges and not really participating in the act. Your participation depends solely on your body's will to energize itself. It isn't that you aren't thinking sexual thoughts or feeling intense sensual sensations, the plain and simple fact is that you are too fatigued to become physically involved with your partner. With all of these tangible components to consider, you and your other must consult with each other on where it leaves him or her when there is a desire to make love. What about his or her intimate needs being met? This situation is not a new one to any couple who have had to adjust and adapt their sex lives as a result of any disability. She requires physical wants to be met. You must face the reality that you cannot meet this person's needs in the way she may have expected from your past performances in the relationship. There must be a compromise between the two of you in how much effort must be exerted to extend yourselves in satisfying each other. The old pattern of the relationship is not going to be applicable any longer. Making love will require an altered definition of what is expected as compared to your past sexual experiences. From your perspective, it may be acceptable for you to have your comrade just hold you while you lie in bed together. You may not even desire this much physical touching or be comfortable with it because you body is so sensitive and suffering physical discomfort. Your hand being held may be all you require for now. The both of you could speak softly and even lay silent just touching each other. You may want a bit more stimulation if you are feeling more relaxed and energized. How about he or she giving you gentle rubs or massages? Your spouse may have a harder time adjusting to this concept. He or she will still desire you at the same level of intensity as he was accustomed to and may not be able to immediately quell his fervor for you. He is forced to deal and cope with the desire of his passions. It will be a test of inner fortitude to gain control over these intense emotions. However, there are alternatives to handling the situation by finding a middle ground in which to start conceiving new ways to expressing your physical love for each other. With or without CFS as being the "third partner", communication is the key to a successful give and take in the bedroom.
There is another serious topic to discuss in your conversations about living with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. You can have no concept of how your companion will react to you being ill over time. It is impossible to predict another person's behavior. Because you are a compassionate human being, you have the capacity to imagine what it would be like to be in your special someone's predicament. The task of facing the reality of your associate not wanting or coping with your sickness over a long length of time is a tough one. She is being expected to cope with circumstances that oblige vast strength and commitments. It will be exceptionally hard for her to see you ailing day after day, month after month, and possibly year after year. Try to hypothesize what the scenario will be in your futures. The initial queries you will ask yourself will be good items on where to start your serious discussion of handling future inabilities of coping with this syndrome. There's the question of how long will it take before she can't stand the tremendous responsibilities of being with someone who is so unhealthy. "Will she get sick of me suffering all of the time? When will I be perceived as more of a burden than a loved one? When will she become so fed up with waiting for me to recuperate from CFIDS that she leaves me?" It is rational reaction to think and feel this way in regards to your battle with this overwhelming disease. There are so many aspects of your life in fighting chronic fatigue syndrome that have resulted in alienation from others. Why should it be any different that you would question your colleague's depth of love and commitment to you? Why wouldn't you be fearful and stressed about the possibility that she could leave you in your future years? You should concentrate on the reality that future thoughts and feelings can only be experienced in the future and can sometimes be totally unpredictable. It is good to talk about the actuality of this situation happening. The strength of your alliance to each other will be the deciding element in your futures. He may be a lot more courageous and empathetic than you would expect or have been able to predict. The pledge the both of you have made to keep your relationship functioning throughout your bout with this illness is a promise that will demand a large amount of understanding and love. You should ask yourself this question over and over again each time you doubt your loved one, "How much should I expect from him during this whole ordeal?" The answer is to this inquiry is very simple. . . no more than you would expect from yourself if you were in his shoes. It is wonderful that you have someone in your life who is willing to share this inexact CFS journey with you. If you ever feel like she is not taking responsibility for her part of your pre-discussed agreements, take a minute to think of all of those single people who suffer with this disease and have no one to be with them for the duration of this ailment. You are lucky that your comrade is in your life-no matter how much your relationship has been altered as a result of this disease.
Communication is essential between the two of you if you wish for the security of your relationship to survive your encounter with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. The appreciation of the love and caring the two of you have will surpass and supersede the various obstacles being put in front of you. Love is a wondrous emotion that can truly bind two hearts together and help you both combat the syndrome not as two individuals but as one loving entity. Isn't it wonderful to have someone who truly loves you for who you are? Your entire encounter with CFIDS will be full of opportunities for you to express your love for your significant other and her love for you. Never take for granted the time that you have together no matter how insignificantly you both spend that time. Cherish each and every day that you have with her in it and try to imagine how it would feel not to have her there to touch. . . to hold. . .to love. You have been given a chance to share your love with someone who means a great deal to you. She is giving you the gift of love with each and every action that is bestowed in your direction. The quality of your lives and your relationship may not be exactly what you had imagined that they would be at this point in time. Yet, you have gained something more precious and valuable than you could have ever thought you have lost in the entire process of going through this syndrome. More than most people out there in the world, you are fortunate enough to have each other and can appreciate the true meaning of what it is to give love and to be loved.