Oneness With Your Inner Self

One of the most amazing aspects of having this long term chronic disease is how the daily struggle affects you in the spiritual corners of yourself. You could be the most religious and pious person on the planet and still this medical dysfunction would find a way to seep into the lowest strata of your being. Spirituality is a unique, individualized way of connecting your conscious daily functioning as a human being with the unspoken, often unacknowledged unconscious sense of connectedness with the Higher Power. You are aware that there is some other "guiding" influence in your life other than logic, reasoning, common sense, and rationalizations. You humble yourself to the fact that you are not all knowing or all powerful, but a mere mortal with weaknesses and faults. You don't have the answers to all of life's questions. If this ideal is indeed valid to its purest truth, then it makes logical sense that you are not going to be able to understand why you were selected to have chronic fatigue syndrome. You may not be able to totally comprehend why you have it, but you were chosen or picked to have this "freak" syndrome affect your life so strongly. This concept may sound a little strange especially when you are coping with this disease and nothing about it seems logical or comprehensible. But with a little open mindedness, you may be able to apprehend why.

Observations of your life as sufferer from a distance shows that you, as a member of the world's population, have contracted something that is inexplicable and indefinable. From a logical standpoint, you may ask yourself why is chronic fatigue syndrome not a definitive type of disease where the root or the cause is simplistic, the treatment is commonplace, and the cure is ordinary and taken for granted. This is a good question. . . why isn't it? Why do you have an illness in your body that is so intangible to scientific explanations? Why is it that this disease is one that has been considered untreatable to this point in time? Why can't scientists and researchers discover more than they have in the last ten years or even in past generations about chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome?

The only definite facts about this disease are that you have it for the duration-no matter how long that duration may be. It also seems that the length of the duration is very individualized. The intensity of the perpetuation of CFS is just as different from one sufferer to another. Why is this the occurrence with this illness? Do you not find this aspect of the syndrome unusual or slightly unorthodox compared to the "normal" diseases in this world? You must suffer with all of the emotional, mental, and physical aspects of chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome on a daily basis-you have no choice. The Higher Authority has initiated this path in your life for a purpose. What is this plan that is starting to unfold in your life? What is this purpose and where is it going to take you? What are the lessons that you have to learn as a result of contracting CFIDS? Only the Supreme Being knows the outcome to your specific bout with this syndrome.

You may find yourself attempting to rationalize what is actually going in your life by asking yourself the same questions over and over again, "Why me?" "Why wasn't it someone else I knew, the neighbor next door, a co-worker, or even a person I didn't like very much?" "Why did it happen to me?" "Why did it interfere in my life's path now?" "How long will I have it and when will it end?" These questions will always inevitably lead you to the same place. . . withdrawing inward into the sacred space reserved just for your spiritual contact for an explanation of some sort to justify this "wrong" that has been done in your life. The sole space for searching and receiving answers to difficult life questions when the results can be understood on an intimate level of being.

There is no logical explanation for such an abhorrence occurring in your life because it is not rational. It is prevalent for sufferers to inquire if they are some sort of very bad people who are getting something that they deserve and just didn't realize that it was coming. You may ask yourself what could you have possibly done this corrupt in your existence to deserve such a fate. The answer is . . . nothing. Nothing. There is no conspiracy, no Karmic pay back, and no cosmic joke. You should feel lucky. You were chosen and received a spiritual gift that others should only be so fortuitous to receive.

You may be thinking that stating this same message over and over again doesn't really make any sense. You may ask, "How are we chosen and so lucky to have this syndrome? I don't know about you, but I think it stinks to suffer so much!" Many sufferers felt the same way as you do until they stopped looking at agonizing with chronic fatigue syndrome. Others always believe with their hearts and souls that for each and every "testing" occurrence in human life, there is also a lesson to be learned. There is always a benefit of some sort when they abate to the lesson at hand. Toleraters start to conceptualize this syndrome on those terms. They do this with every other of life's hurdles they have to jump. Why would sufferers feel that this illness would be any different?

Once you begin to take a serious and objective look at CFS from this spiritual perspective, things will start to become clearer. What is the "education" you need to learn from having this syndrome? Everything will take on a sort of an enlightening glow after the initial disruptiveness you have subsides. There will be a very distinct pattern to what will happen within you. You will enter upon the understanding, from a spiritual standpoint, that you are just fulfilling your original destiny. You were meant to experience this syndrome from its renewed awakening into today's society for no other reasoning except to feel, think, and know how it was to see life from this perspective. There was no other way for you to "learn" what you had to except to experience it first hand with no preparation or explanation. You will commence and reassess all of the previous questions you used to ask the Higher Power. "Why me?" Well, the answer is simple. You required some variety of learning in human ways at this point of your existence. This acknowledgment could induce many answers to unanswered previous inquiries. "Why not someone else?"  You will start to comprehend that you were "chosen" to have this illness because others around you could not handle the burden it would require to undergo this "trial" of chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. Ask yourself how many people who are in your life's circle could handle such an encumbrance on their lives. Who has the strength it would take to tough out the circumstances of CFIDS? Who could tolerate the waxing and waning of physical symptoms? Who could stand the havoc that it would reek on his or her life? Who could keep his or her sanity when the world seemed to turn its back on him or her? Who is powerful enough to be able to reach within himself or herself and face the reality of the fated spiritual rousing that was about to commence? It may be very eye opening to evaluate who could or would be capable of the chronic fatigue syndrome trials. There will probably be only a small handful of people who you feel could brave the CFS storm. It will make you question how you manage to be so Herculean when others around you seem so fragile. How did you evolve into this type of an individual with such capacity and tolerance? Where did this vast amount of strength come from? How was it that you became brawnier and didn't even notice? You will start to see these special people in your life in a contemplative perspective of varied thoughts and emotions.

Ask yourself if you would desire a helpless child to endure hopeless pain and agony with no relief in sight for an undetermined length of time with no promise of relief. This scenario is what it would be like for one of your selected friends to have this illness. You may recognize that few of them could undergo such trials and tribulations in experiencing the chronic fatigue sensations. How could you even conceive that any of them could suffer the way you do? They could not survive the testings because they would not have the strength and endurance of spirit that would be essential for survival within the chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome experience. This statement doesn't aver that they may not be able to deal with CFIDS, you may just feel that they would not have the ability to appreciate the spiritual inquisition that would be happening to the soul.

If you then considered a person you disliked to have this syndrome, what does that say about you? Why would you want another human being to bear through the tests and to become braver just to feed his or her ego? What would be the outcome of such an experience on this type of person? Would he or she appreciate the phenomenal opportunity of accelerated spiritual growth with this syndrome? Probably not. The entire endurance of the illness would just be wasted time. He or she would manage to tolerate and endure the disease with bitterness and anger being the end result. You must accept that this encountering with chronic fatigue syndrome is a privilege only to be merited for the special chosen few like you to gain or benefit from and to become a better person in all ways. Why did CFS happen to its sufferers? All you need to understand is that it has. From its onset, you have begun a journey within yourself. You will now encounter the higher levels of your existence. This unique experience brings with it a sense of spiritual requestioning about who you are as a human being and how you fit into the grand scheme of life.

You may befriend another person with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome because you now comprehend that you are all in this particular encounter together and can lean on each other for support and guidance. Along with this acknowledgment also comes more questions about where you fit into society now you are one of its "sick" and "diseased" members. Where does a "sick" person fit into life's activities? What ultimate purpose can a diseased individual have on society? Does being human mean that you are ultimately weak and susceptible to the unexplainable? Does "heaven" exist for you and the ill-trodden members of the CFIDS society? Why is your burden in life's journey so much harder to handle than other healthier people around you? But inquiring with these types of queries, you will realize that these types of questions can exist in regards to any member of the human race who is ailing with any illness. It is the onset of the wakefulness of your true existence. Although you are temporarily diseased in your body and mind, you still reign supreme in your reality. You will still continue to be who and what you are-a distinct, individual, spirited being.  This phase of your spiritual growth demonstrates that you can reweigh and rethink the way you comprehend any human being who is ill or disabled. In a peculiar way, you have now become a part of society that you never seemed to exist in before and never really wanted to be a part of. The partial lesson here is one of empathy, understanding, and synergy. You are discovering you are one with all humans in more ways than you ever thought you were. You have become that which you thought or imagined that you could be. . . a human being with a mind, heart, and soul that can reach out to help others as well as yourself. In asking yourself why this situation has happened to you, there is a commencement down the path of true wisdom. You have acknowledged that you have the strength and tolerance to be able to bear this burden in your life and that this learning experience is unique and specific. There will be something gained as well as something lost. Losing something in your life is not necessarily bad. It demonstrates that you have outgrown, outlived, or overstayed your welcome on the path you were on. You will learn so much about yourself and others from being ill. So, as you can see, asking why CFS has happened to you is as trivial as what color the sky is. It just is as it is supposed to be. This inevitable factor is all you need to know for an answer as to why you are "chosen" to travel and undergo this wonderful journey of trust. You are fortunate to be able to have the privilege to ascertain new perspectives on life and discover many wonderful things about yourself that were buried under the overworked, overwhelmed rubble of who you used to be.

Another question you may distress over again and again is why now. You can't understand why the Higher Power would disrupt your life and the lives of others around you at this point in time. Did you do something that brought the whole encountering of chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome into activity? What was the essence of importance of the timing of getting sick? Will this disruption cause a complete change in me as a person? After you begin to acknowledge this journey from a spiritual viewpoint, you will startle into seeing the reasoning behind coming down with CFIDS when you did. As the syndrome flared into your life, you probably were so overwhelmed and over involved with life's tasks and chores that you really weren't living. You were in this sort of existence where all that mattered was toiling to get ahead materialistically and fiscally. It was living like being stuck on life's rat wheel-running round and round to get nowhere. You may realize now that you are ill that you would have never consciously made the decision to put a halt to your life and where you were going at the time of your onset with chronic fatigue syndrome. You would have kept living in an unknowing suspension of what life was really about. You would have never considered quitting or leaving your job for anything because you may have worked too hard to have the position you did. You would have never taken the time to slow down and enjoy life's simple pleasures because you always seemed to have too much to do-even on your leisure time. You probably can't even say that you knew what leisure time meant at that point in time. You just kept going through the motions of living a "normal" lifestyle in today's society. Intuitively you may have sensed that you weren't enjoying life the way you should. Before CFS "bloomed" into your life, you may have convinced yourself that you required a vacation. The fatigue was overwhelming and work probably became very exhausting and unfulfilling. Was this a sign that you were subconsciously trying to tell yourself something? Could your intuition already know that you were in the beginning stages of the syndrome? Your body may have just wanted to be able to relax, sleep late in the morning, and do nothing for a while.

Chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome has brought you to a point in your life where you are forced to face your true aspirations and harsh realities about where your life was really headed. You can now acknowledge that if you would have kept heading in the same direction with your life, you probably would be burnt out and very unhappy. You would have kept striving for more material things and would have committed so much time and energy out of your life that there would have been very little, if any, left for you. You no longer had your good health and the realization that without being healthy, you literally had nothing. CFIDS became the true centering point where you would finally learn the value of life's "things". The timing couldn't have been any more precise in your life. You were so tired and run down with life and its burdens that you weren't really experiencing the joy of actually living. It was obvious that the brakes had been put on at the decisive moment in your life and the lives of others connected to you to alter into another level of existence. It seems to be that you must truly lose that place from whence you came to get to the spiritual plane that you are now at to start your evolutionary process.

A formulation of another observation about spirituality and the sufferer's expedition with CFIDS is that any religious beliefs, tenets, or philosophies that you had or have are almost amplified in intensity because of the elongated clash with this disease. You will begin to rethink all of the earlier ideals that you have been taught in regards to your religion. You may consider the philosophies of those teachings and their validities. If any of what you have absorbed in your studies and learnings was indeed true, you will surmise that you are meant to endure chronic fatigue syndrome because you somehow deserve it for sinning, doing wrong to another human being, or are just too weak. You may have already embraced the notion that this aspect of efficacy is wrong for you and your truths about this illness. However, the remarkable conclusion to this rehashing process may be that you will start to actually question your own spiritual doctrines and begin to surround yourself with total sincerity and approval. You really start to think and feel as if you are an innocent child of all of the "new" perspectives you have gained in your CFS excursion to this point in time. Did any of what you have known in your spiritual life really demonstrate any explanation for justification of your suffering? You may ask yourself why you are taking precious time and energy to fret about an excuse for having this illness when you intuitively know that this is an excursion into self-awareness and spiritual self-love.There will be a great sense of release in you when you affront the fact that some of what you have always believed to be actuality about why people go through what they do in their lives is somehow not quite legitimate. You can awake to see that not all that you have been instructed or even may have mastered in your religious learnings is actually applicable to the spiritual specifics of the syndrome and what it is doing to you as a human being. An awakening process has begun in you where you are ascertaining certain personal philosophies from other people and are paying more attention to reaching conclusions about your life from your own experiences instead of living by these tenets. You are ever growing, evolving, and changing into this new being who is becoming everything that you have always somehow hoped you would be but never thought possible.

No one but the Higher Power really knows or understands why anything happens to the humans who inhabit this planet. This fact is the reality, the truth, about your endurance with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. It doesn't matter which religious community you belong to or even what your individual beliefs are. What does matter is that you do understand your spiritual life does require some sort of guidance and acceptance to what is happening to you. There must be some sort of delicate balance between what you believe to be true and what is now your altered state of spiritual reality. You must be able to ascertain that you aren't "bad" or "deserving" of the viral disease you have contracted. You should commence to centering yourself within a new arena of existence where you are living as an enhanced level of being. It may help for you to speak with someone in the religious community for spiritual enrichment. A priest, rabbi, sister, minister, father, priestess, etc. is trained in whatever his or her discipline is to offer some consolation and spiritual relief for those who seek some sort of answer. He or she may even be able to come to your home to speak with you where you may not be able to go to him or her because of your fatigued state. The spiritual advice that will be dispensed may be more solidifying and stabilizing for you to assist in helping you grasp the syndrome's influence on your life.

You can accept your spiritual place with CFIDS as an awakening with the ultimate ending of peacefulness and a sense of wholeness because you will have become an improved spiritual individual. You can and will experience many changes in yourself on a more intimate level as a result of having this malady. You are more spiritual in essence. There is a sense of your human soul maturing into something wonderful and new. Sometimes there is a unique type of compensation in being ill. With chronic fatigue syndrome, it is discovering a new viewpoint. Your perspective of life is no longer the outdated, outmoded one you used to have. Life becomes more meaningful. The simplest of pleasures becomes the most special of joys. You are evolving into having a stronger sense of being. Yes, you do belong in this world. You are a part of life and all it has to offer. You will know and perceive an enlarged view of the picture of life where it doesn't necessarily mean that because you are ill you aren't being allowed to participate in life. There is a requirement to having a different and healthier approach to the ways you do, say, or act about something or someone. You will learn to reprioritize your life in the most dramatic of ways. There could have been times where every little thing would have bothered you. You may have been a worrier who was constantly concerned about the special people in your life. You may have been anxious about the possibility of ever being in a secure enough financial condition to be able to afford your own house. Relationship issues may have overpowered your sense of self-preservation and you may have expelled any extra effort, even when very little existed within you, to try to keep your relationships on an even keel.

Moreover, with the onslaught of CFS, your life has changed. You no longer worry as much as you used to about the people who are important to you. There is a calming, internal understanding that they must take care of themselves and in their own ways grow as you do with this disease. They may have to start to truly care about you in an entirely altered way. You may have always played the role of caregiver and put most of the efforts into the relationships. Nowadays you can recognize that you can't take on the extra burden of destructive energy in worrying about others and their problems. You do require the need to be nurtured and loved just as much as they do. People in your life will come to realize that you are still you. Based on the old terms of what the alliance once was, you are modified in participating in a relationship with them. The relationship must be beneficial for you and in turn it will be more advantageous for them.

You may occasionally let the little things of life bother you but nothing like you used to do. Nowadays, you comprehend that you only need to be concerned with the vital things in your life-yourself, family, significant other, and friends. Chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome can take away the sense of control in your life and bequeath a feeling of dependence and inadequacy. You must learn to overcome this uncontrollable sensation and understand that you do have control, to a degree, of what you say or do in your life. You should concede to living within the chronic fatigue kingdom, but refuse to give in to a life filled with bitterness, regret, and anger. Your time is better spent doing other things like being with people who want to truly be with you and loving life and all it has to offer. You should guide your frustrations, anxieties, and energies in the direction of doing pleasant, valuable, and productive activities that will satisfy the urge to do something that you wish to do. Don't allow anyone else in your life to govern what your limitations are being ill with CFIDS. You are the only person who can determine how much and what you can do to gratify your own needs.

You may have considered yourself a spiritual being who had some insight into life and the ways of the Higher Authority. You have now learned that what you regarded about myself was minimal compared to what you appreciate now. You should take more time to see, to feel, to think, and to meditate on the simplistic wonder of living. Consider your reality of living in the house for months or years on end with no relief in sight. Other much healthier people could never comprehend what an ordeal this situation really is for you. You can consider the negative aspects of the tribulation or you can see this test in its true light. It can lead you into some inner reflections on what life is really about.

How can one person elucidate or describe to another what it seemingly feels like to go outdoors for the first time in years as a result of being house bound with CFIDS? The experience has almost surreal qualities about it. Life seems to appear to take on illusionary qualities in your perspective that you may have never noticed before or that you never took the time to notice. You could have always thought that you took the time to "smell the roses" in life, but you really didn't. Your life has slowed down out of no control of your own and now you are compelled to slow down and take some time to re-commune with nature and all of her splendor.

At this point in time you can experience nature from a new viewpoint where you can appreciate seeing the blue skies above you and wonder what kind of being created the plan of what a sky is. You wonder where the clouds will form next in the open blue skies. You are awe struck in the actuality that the sky is an immense necessary environment that helps sustain life for all creatures. You can smell the freshness in the crisp clean air and are so appreciative to be alive and breathing. You watch the chattering birds fly overhead and marvel in their magnificence. Bright sunshine sprays its rays upon you and they seem to radiate down into your very soul. You relish in the sensation of healing heat and light coming down from the heavens. You feel so lucky to be sharing your life's adventures with all of the varied types of beings who surround you. These sensations have a sense of renewal for your spirit. There is a future for sufferers of this disease to be grateful and thankful for. You are gladdened for the opportunity to be alive. It is almost as if your will to live is enhanced and exaggerated within your soul. Life becomes more of a precious commodity to cherish. You must live life the best that you can within your chronic fatigue syndrome sphere of existence.Your essence and purpose in life has become more focused. You begin to accept and concede to chronic fatigue syndrome in a spiritual sense by simplifying your life. You begin to develop your inner self. You are nurturing your new level of existence and must affirm to be a better individual then do as you say. You cannot allow this disease to incapacitate your spirit, your soul. Your intensity of living should be prolific with the avowal of being happy and fulfilled. You will need to discover what it is that can make you joyful within the confinements of this disease.

One of the hardest lessons to learn with this syndrome is to accept and love yourself for who you are now with this syndrome. You can't help but remember who you were before you became ill. You may have genuinely loved yourself and everything that you were. Today you are no longer that same person. You may not very happy about the reason why you evolved into this "new" person, but you should be exhilarating in the growth of you, who you are now, and who you are yet to become. It is hard to be a new human being without looking back and reflecting. All sufferers who endure CFS have gone through the steps of grieving just as if feeling and sensing the loss of a loved one. In a sense, you do. You have lost a piece of yourself. The importance of loss is to recognize what is gained. You are accumulating more and more on a spiritual level of existence. You must accept your new self with an open mind open heart. You are an improved person who desires support for himself or herself and other sufferers within this viral onslaught. However, all the support in the world will not help you gain inner strength if you can't learn to love yourself as you are now. All of your existence is rooted in your past. You must be able to concede your past and put faith into your healthy future. You are a human being who has a compulsion to find positive perspectives in his or her spiritual life. You have accomplished a spiritual feat of being "one" with every other person and with yourself. You are no longer a fragile creature within your spiritual realm. You are strong with a sense of oneness. No person who endures this disease is alone. You have so much in common with every other sufferer out in the world. Others are there to lend support and comfort if you require it, so reach beyond and grasp their outreached hands. The Higher Authority is there to help guide you into learning more and more about yourself. There are many subtle ways that you are encountering your feelings of being one with other humans in mutual suffering. All lead you down the path of spiritual enlightenment. You have experienced the true merit of everything that life contains because you have directly lost all that you had in your old way of living. Within all of this devastation and destruction you have been allowed an opportunity to change and recreate your existence. Along the way, self-discoveries have lead to aiding you in designing a better, healthier self-image.

There are still more objectives to reach in striving to overcome chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome and the way this illness touches your life. It is within you to have the fortitude and endurance necessary for your long term bout with this syndrome. The competence to survive, withstand, and abide this disease on a daily basis will require every ounce of internal strength. You must pool all of your positive thoughts and might into overcoming any private hesitancies or negativities that could affect your positive, self-healing attitude in helping yourself to get better. It will take lots of courage to directly confront other people's doubts and insecurities in coping with your illness and to support yourself and your beliefs within this environment. Nevertheless, you can do it. Applaud yourself for anything that you can do to make your own life joyful and happy. Acclaim the goodness in your life no matter how small it may be. You should acknowledge all of the wonderful things and people that you have in your life by showing and verbalizing to them your appreciation. Don't be afraid of thinking and feeling about how much has been taken from your life in suffering with CFIDS. It is in this space that you will come to treasure and cherish every iota of your existence. You should attempt to encounter your chronic fatigue syndrome contention with the desire to discover and detect what you can and will learn from this experience in order to be a more improved, healthier, and happier person. The process of healing will affect all of your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Relish in the truly spiritual experience of living your life as it is at the moment. Keep faith and love as your constant companions throughout your entire CFS journey.